Dumped by text completely out of the blue

[CatzAndDogs]

Been seeing partner for 8 months and everything has been great. We've got on so well, shared sense of humour, loved doing the same things, happy when we're home together or going out exploring, passionate sex life, and he has been completely consistent , safe, secure, kind and no red flags. Or were there? I don't know what to think anymore because on the Monday morning after we'd spent a great weekend together (we don't live together) he sent me a text at 7am saying 'Hi [my name,] I'm breaking up with you. I remember you saying if it came to this you wanted me to do it by text so that's why I'm sending you this message.' (I never said that) Then he proceeded to reel off a very well presented but impersonal list of reasons which basically weren't reasons, just saying he had been struggling for weeks a lot of soul searching, but he just didn't see a long term future for us. Now he won't reply to any texts. I can't process this. Nothing prepared me for it. We'd been talking about getting a house together some point in yhe future and he'd just invited me to meet all his family at a birthday party. He had sex with me the night before he dumped me and that makes me feel so so horrible. Am I overreacting? Is this just him being 'bad at break ups' as he said in his one text reply? I feel sick and can't understand how things changed so quickly and I don't know how to deal with this

Op everything you have described is love bombing
you can’t understand it as it was all bullshit
some people can put on a really good act whereas I can’t lie for toffee so it always amazes me how people can be so convincing whilst being so devious

I’ll never understand how men do it

I suspect it’s because they need to put on a show to catch the woman, the thrill of the chase etc

I don't think they do it consciously I think it's a maladaptive attachment process and a lack of inner work. Sadly our "romantic" culture has sort of made that attachment process normal. Also masculinity hasn't been about doing the work on yourself, it's been about percieving loneliness and poor attachment as brave and independent and being a player. So men either think it's fine to be like this, or are sad about it deep down but don't have the tools to address it in themselves.

Have I got this right - You think he would have stayed with you had you owned your own home/were more solvent etc.

Honestly would you really have wanted to be with a man like that, who puts financial status before love?

I sincerely hope not, they are the worst sort. I mean this kindly, but you need to give your head a wobble.

i think the money grabbing lazy ex has told him she’s pregnant (from a one night shag when he two timed you with her) so he's back with her.

i think she sent the message from his phone to you secretly to make sure he was back with her and only told him later she did that after the fact.

at which point he probably went wtaf at her and then thought whats done is done and she is preggers so i need to step up so thats that anyway……

i reckon he will regret his decision but youve dodged a bullet. having dated a guy in similar circa is just a mess and youll always be last in line for anything behind his first family. so bullet dodged…

I broke off a relationship three months in by text and would have preferred not to explain any further beyond what was said in that text. It was all there.
Just as I was getting to know him, I realised that we see our future differently. It became clear that he would want children, at the same time as I realised I really don't (already have one and done).
I knew that any "talk" would result in him trying to convince me otherwise, trying to tell me that he's OK with no children. What I saw as simply not being compatible, would result in blame-game and accusations. It is exactly how "the talk" went, when he persuaded me into it.

He was married and with a child 2 years after the text.
I still have my one and done, and commited to stay single.
Non - cohabiting relationship I would still break off by text. Definitely in the first year.