Dumped by text completely out of the blue

[CatzAndDogs]

Been seeing partner for 8 months and everything has been great. We've got on so well, shared sense of humour, loved doing the same things, happy when we're home together or going out exploring, passionate sex life, and he has been completely consistent , safe, secure, kind and no red flags. Or were there? I don't know what to think anymore because on the Monday morning after we'd spent a great weekend together (we don't live together) he sent me a text at 7am saying 'Hi [my name,] I'm breaking up with you. I remember you saying if it came to this you wanted me to do it by text so that's why I'm sending you this message.' (I never said that) Then he proceeded to reel off a very well presented but impersonal list of reasons which basically weren't reasons, just saying he had been struggling for weeks a lot of soul searching, but he just didn't see a long term future for us. Now he won't reply to any texts. I can't process this. Nothing prepared me for it. We'd been talking about getting a house together some point in yhe future and he'd just invited me to meet all his family at a birthday party. He had sex with me the night before he dumped me and that makes me feel so so horrible. Am I overreacting? Is this just him being 'bad at break ups' as he said in his one text reply? I feel sick and can't understand how things changed so quickly and I don't know how to deal with this

The thing is that you never know what's going on in someone's head. Best guess is that he's back with his ex full time. In the scheme of things 8 months isn't that long. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.

Yep.
Happened to me when I was 22.
Went on holiday with his family. Started acting odd by day 2.
Dumped him when we got home.
It's pathetic.

I don’t think he was actually divorced, I think you’ve been stung with the “my wife never understood me” bull. In 8 months you hadn’t met any of his family? Any of his friends? Were you public on social media together? Where did you spend time with him - was it at his flat? Was it clearly his, or could he have been using someone else’s?

im sorry you’ve been treated this badly, its horrible that some men can do this

This

Sorry to hear this, you’re too good for him though.

Either way, no going back; it means he is a cowardly arse, or he was cheating.

Did that not give you the immediate ick? If someone spoke to me in such flowery language a few months in I’d have run like fbe wind, that’s love bombing and ick making in the extreme,

Oh don't get her hopes up!

Op, I'm so sorry. It looks like he has used AI to craft that message. Couldn't even be bothered to write it himself.

I've also been in that situation where we've had great sex and then I've been dumped hours later, by someone I was seeing for about 4 months.

I also agree with pps that someone else has come back into his life.

I intuitively thought "ex is back on the scene" when I read your initial post. Men have a tendency to be avoidant and struggle to express their feelings, hence the AI essay. Whatever you do, just realise that he may feel strongly for you, but he ultimately made the decision to cut you out of his life in a way that was totally out of character. Something has happened between now and the time you last saw one another and there is a good chance that this involves another woman, particularly as you have previously mentioned an issue with his ex.

I had an almost identical experience many years ago albeit without the AI constructed break up letter. My guy was kind, unassuming, seemingly devoted and drama free. There were no giveaway signs that he was unhappy or planning his exit. His ability to just cut all contact at the drop of a hat with zero explanation absolutely floored me and affected my self-confidence and nervous system. I found out around a year later that his ex was effectively coercing him to cease all contact with me. Their lives were still entwined in many ways; they had exactly the same friendship group and were close to each other's families. I think my presence was problematic for a man in his early twenties and he didn't want to upset the apple cart in his friendship group.

Don’t think I’m being nasty, but are you 100% certain the text was meant for you? Is there any chance he was seeing someone else too?

Year’s ago (before SM), I was dating someone for several months, met his parents a few times, everything seemed totally normal and good. No arguments or anything. Then one day he just stopped contacting me, just like that. No explanation or anything. Then about a year later we randomly walked past each other, made brief eye contact, and carried on walking in our opposite directions. Surreal.

This is such a bizzare thought and the odds must be low to non existent,

Sounds like there is someone else. Likely the ex. Deleting the hearts message he sent will be so he could screenshot the proof he has ended it without cropping the photo.

It is a shit way to treat you, cruel and selfish. He must have known he was wavering before with the weird conversation telling you that he had picked you, when you likely didnt know the ex was still a possibility. That should have been your point to walk away. I won't date men with ex baggage anymore. Even if they don't end up back together, it just adds no end of stress if an ex still sees them as theirs out on a temporary loan

Ah, there it is. The dodgy ex.

What a cunt.

He was never separated imo

This is such a shitty way to treat someone.

I had similar but luckily not as long into things. Still hurt like hell and was really confusing.

Keep repeating 'its him, not me'.

You will learn to trust yourself again 💐

If he's still married and has been having an affair with op the chances are he's seeing other people too

A few MONTHS into the relationship he said THIS??? And you didn't think that was a red flag? A fucking circus of flags !

The sudden about face from talking about getting a place together and inviting you to meet his family at a birthday party makes me think he either got back with the ex or has been stringing you along and decided he wasn't feeling it.

Either way, you've dodged a bullet because there's something going on you don't know about. His mentions of the ex sound like they were back and forth and she was still in the picture. Were they actually divorced?

I hope you have some friends you can see this weekend.

nah He was either never single or he has decided to go back to his ex wife and family, I’m so sorry. Block him and treat yourself this weekend. It will take time but look after yourself gently for the next few weeks.

The only way to look at this is as a lucky escape- what sort of person has sex with their GF having already decided to dump them by text?
Put him out of your mind and move on- he's not worth it.

So sorry OP that this has happened. I know how you feel because the same thing happened to me 11 years ago. I thought all was going well - we were together for nine months, we both met each others children, siblings and parents.

After a particularly lovely bank holiday weekend together, he ended it by phone. I was completely blindsided and utterly devastated. I really could not work it out as I thought had been going really well.

i finally got back on my feet and at the end of that year, met someone else, who I have now been with for almost 11 years. He is wonderful and 100% better in every sense than the other guy.

I finally realised what a bullet I had dodged when I was doing some idle googling (I still thought about him from time to time) and was horrified to learn that he had been arrested for child online grooming crimes. He was not imprisoned but was put on the sex offenders register. I had no idea when I was with him that he was capable of such horrific behaviour, and suspect that he dumped me once the net started closing in on him.

I’m happy now and in a very loving relationship, but I know how hard it is to be dumped so suddenly, and that it takes a while to recover. Things will get better for you OP. His behaviour says more about him than it does about you. Look after yourself and I hope that things get better for you soon.

oh op thats just awful behaviour from him. i know enough to know you could actually list plenty of stuff that made you go hmmm. that will be where you will learn from this. you will find love again, that bit is inevitable. as you feel better you will want to think about how your terrible relationship will have left you vulnerable to less terrible but equally awful over time. be gentle with yourself op. his behaviour, his character

He’s been love bombing you playing the perfect bf because he gets a kick out of fooling vulnerable women and hurting them. The cold message ending it and deleting the hearts he sent you last night is the real him. He hooks women in by being exceptionally lovely, treats them like a Queen, makes future plans with them and completely gains their trust so he can devastate them by ending it. The guy you are missing was just character he played, a mask to conceal his true self. This isn’t his first rodeo nor his last.

Men are just so vile

I’ve seen many men behave this way then make themselves out to be honourable men

I find it so revolting

I know it’s hard but don’t take it personally, his behaviour is not a reflection on you, it’s because he enjoys mind games and fooling people. It makes him feel powerful that he can devastate women because he is a cunt.