The Dating Thread 64 - the leaves are falling, and so are the irons (at our feet, hopefully, and not gently binwards....)

[Ilovelurchers]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy!

• Be massively proud of yourself! Every boundary you put in place, big or small; every single iron you swipe left on, whatever your reasoning; every first date or fifteenth date you decide against pursuing..... These are all signs of how much you have learned to respect yourself, how far you have come, how you have finally realised that actually, remaining single a bit longer is hugely preferable to being with a partner who does not make you feel good about yourself. We all still make mistakes or errors of judgement occasionally - we are all still growing and learning - but every time you feel frustrated, just look at how far you have come, and how amazing you really are!

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Eww.

I found one on hinge where he listed 'fucking' or some variation of that for every prompt.

• what are you looking for this year? "Fucks"
• what makes a perfect weekend?

"Fucking"

Bleurk.

And Brum isn't exactly difficult to get to from here. Easy train ride.
A dating thread christmas party would be awesome!

Yeah it must’ve been in the latest update of the racists rule book or whatever but I’ve noticed co-opting the language of actual marginalised groups and their struggles is a thing now for the far right.

I was watching this guy on YouTube go on about how the “indigenous rights” are being eroded due to “invading colonisers” who are “racist” to the indigenous people and stripping them of their land and culture . He was white English talking about the “brown boat people” as he later called them 🧐

It’s a horrible profile to see on OLD but the good thing is they are at least giving fair warning to anyone who is interested! At least decent women can steer clear. It’s more worrying when they hide their politics/beliefs which some of them absolutely do.

@ThreeMogsAndCounting that beats any horrible profile I saw online. I genuinely used to marvel at some of them, how could they possibly imagine it would attract dates. I agree with what someone said the other day about you don’t want to read their bitter tirades about their OLD experiences either.

I joined MN 17 years ago just after my XH left and found a thread called Dumplings No More for women who had been dumped. It was an amazing thread of around 18 regular posters and totally supported me through my split, leaving my home everything. I hosted a couple of meet ups at my house and one of the women remains a very close friend to this day. I remember when my DS found out he wasn’t impressed “What you had a load of randoms off the internet come to our house” 🤣

Have a good day everyone

Im still in touch with my mumsnet ante natal group from 15 years ago. One of them is even godmother to my youngest. Mumsnet has some awesome women. I love when women support women - itnis one of the things that makes me happiest about being female. Godmknows the hormones don't sell it!

Im lying in bed being all lazy for a moment and really really missing the smell of a man's cologne in the crook of his neck. Like. It's a physical ache to want to press my face there and sniff.

I’m struggling to keep up with this thread in time but am learning a lot from you wise ones. I’ve decided to come off OLD for a few weeks. I only gave it 3 weeks but had some really positive conversations but can also tell I’m massively holding back or only trying with the ones I’m not that into. I think it’s because I don’t know how to do it.
At the beginning the conversations seemed to get naturally deeper and quicker but then one felt stifling and the other had their location wrong and they were miles away, then there was a week of minimal effort guys, now I’ve just had 3 medium effort guys but the conversation is boring and superficial and I don’t know how to get it deeper without it sounding like an interview.
maybe I’m not ready? But a break coincides with a holiday so it’s good timing. I think I’ve made my profile look like I’m too outdoorsy too so I’m attracting a certain type.

@Ilovelurchers I think you’ve been a bit hard on yourself for being disappointed at having to cancel paint. You’re allowed to be disappointed and still be a good friend. I’m with you that it’s always female friends above men. They’re more of the famous ‘loyal’ that men seem so keen to need.

Have a lovely break and holiday, sometimes it’s just what’s needed and when you come back there might be better profiles and matches 😊

I find messaging annoying if it goes on too long without a date being arranged, I’d rather meet and see.

@Ilovelurchers what @CleverOpalBalonz says.

The guy who answered "fucking" to every question was kind enough to advertise his inadequacy in the bedroom 🛏 and doubtless elsewhere.

@ThreeMogsAndCounting I so get that about cologne. Sending love 💐

I am even more annoyed by the Paint situation now (which I know is bad) because he emailed and asked me to come in near to 6, which is closing time! Which was sort of what I was hoping he would say, so we could possibly go for a drink after he finishes. So he actually read my mind. Only now I won't be able to go. ARGH!!!

Its ok to be disappointed that you can't go and see Paint and also that you want to support your friend.
I am sure he would understand that a friend has to come first.

I hope you are able to offer some support to your friend tonight.

Comrades, I see we're running out of pages so

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5593625-dating-thread-65-cosy-cuffing-season

La voila 😘