The Dating Thread 63 Crisp air & Warm ♥️🧡💛

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I love the term "ego driven shape shifter". And oh God, it applies to quite a few of the guys I have know. Still know, in some cases.....

This is going to be difficult to achieve. A fine line. But obviously we will all be trying our best!

Perhaps he could provide some handy tips. Shades of lipstick that are acceptable. And are false eyelashes too much?

@MsJinks, @CleanShirt, @ReginablitzingI hope you are all feeling ok this morning, and have nice plans.

Try if you can to do some nice things for yourselves that take your mind off it, if only for half an hour. Self care is so important. Sending lots of love. Xxx

@BoxOfCatsI admire your restraint with Nomad - did you still feel attracted to him?

Ego driven shape shifter would be a fab band name.

Yes @Ilovelurchers we should all crack on with practising the correct amount of make up for Beered so he can bestow his best bath towel move upon us.

Also sending 👻 hugs to those in need x

@Reginablitzing sorry to hear about your diagnosis - that must be very hard. Presumably you are being monitored and managing your condition? Speaking for all of us when I say ED is not a deal-breaker in itself but creates resentment when ignored and blame is directed at partners - as @Ilovelurchers explained in excellent detail! I guess in your case it would only be necessary to disclose if it looked like things might be heading towards a relationship?

I had a nasty accident last year and though you can't tell from looking at me with my clothes on I explain beforehand if it looks like clothes are coming off!

After our video chat Mr Rigger never responded again so I deleted him. I have a date tomorrow with a guy who lives not far away, seems easy-going and has nice black hair. He's good looking in all his photos except one, where he looks like a toad. I expect given the rule of OLD where everyone chooses their most flattering he looks worse than the toadish one, haha!

I'll report back on my assumptions!

@Chocolatefreak good luck.

I also have a date tomorrow night with Mr Tennis (no ball jokes). I have low expectations but he has offered to buy me dinner so we'll see.

Weirdly, no. I think by the time I called time on our arrangement, I felt like it had run its course. He also wanted to chat every day and it was starting to feel like a chore keeping up with it. Plus a few niggly things that annoyed me the last two times he stayed. He’s a nice guy but I definitely only want friendship with him now.

😂good luck! Hope it's love-all 😆

I see what you did there 🎾

It's so weird, the way they can look totally different in different photos - it's almost always the case. I usually find myself thinking, if he looks like his hottest photo there is a fair chance I will really fancy him.

And they so rarely do.....

Mr Cricket was an exception - all of his photos were similar and do actually look like him - not sensationally hot, but good looking enough. If any of you watch Emmerdale - he looks like a slightly better looking version of the late Jimmy King?

This is exciting! Good news that he has offered a meal for the first date - I always think that's very respectful, and bodes well.

@MsJinks I think you should call him Tree Stump from now on!

@Reginablitzing I hope you’re feeling a bit better today and going indoors wasn’t as daunting as you thought it would be. As for when you disclose your condition, I would keep that close to your chest until things are moving forward with someone.

@Ilovelurchersexciting about Me Tennis! 🎾😍 I haven’t had a first date involving food in a long time, mainly because I avoid as I’m quite clumsy and would no doubt end up with unfortunate spillages!

@Chocolatefreak a toad 🐸 this made me laugh 😂 here’s hoping that’s not an accurate reflection and he just didn’t have many photos to choose from!

@CleanShirt how are you feeling today? Has Mr CS replied to your message?

@empirebiscuits12 Mr Tennis is me. Mr Cricket is @Ilovelurchers and I deffo agree that Tree stump is a good name. @MsJinks what do you think? I'm sort of wishing Dutch Elm or Ash die-back on him.

I think Mr Tennis will be in the nice but don't fancy camp with tractors. Hopefully less difficult than tractors.

Hi lovelies. Ive found this lovely thread im in this boat now after going through hell and abuse with stbxh. Im not sure what i want and im a bit scared but not rushing into anything. Possibly fwb with the right person. Sending hugs to those going through crap, I can relate to some replies as ex played me with his ow (hes a narcissist) .

Not even read it @empirebiscuits12

Welcome @Hogglehedge ! I find this is a brilliant place to analyse dating behaviour and run things past switched-on and experienced women.

It’s usually me mixing irons up @empirebiscuits12- lol
I’m liking the new name - stump may do / I’m not gonna be too sad if he gets a Tree disease either!
@Nosdacariad- Nr Tennis is good for a nice meal at least - it’s hard when hung up on someone else but worth a go. And you are getting the dates - go girl they know how lucky they would be.
@Ilovelurchers- how are you feeling about cricket? Batting above or below average? Jimmy King but better sounds ok
@Chocolatefreak photos and real life are so different- even without the gloss. Hardly to be commended but Tree Stump wasn’t fab on OLD photos - his general photos are so bad I never showed kids - in person I just saw wow - that’s not even true though as 2nd date I went round, got lost, he ran down street - very loose term - and I was like oh shit who have I come to see shuffling their fat bod around looking old! Inside and with him different story. Similar with Player tbf - I thought he was duck ugly and wondered why an acquaintance had fancied him when younger - checked by chatting at bar and that was it - head over my stupid heels!

So toads can be very appealing but still toads might be that moral! But I definitely think in real life all bets are off when it comes to photo expectations.

Welcome!

If I may...take it slow and focus on you above all else 😘😘😘

@Ilovelurchers I looked up Jimmy King. Well now! He's my TYPE😍

Welcome lovely - this is in my opinion the best thread on Mumsnet, if not the whole internet, for support and understanding.

Congratulations for surviving and getting to the point when freedom is in sight - such a hard and courageous thing to do.

You will very likely have people in real life telling you what you should and shouldn't be doing now, whether you are or are not ready for dating.....

But there is no one size fits all. You might want to spend time on your own; you might want to spend a year shagging everything that moves; you might meet the love of your life the first time you swipe right! It's different for everyone, but the timportant thing to remember is that you are free now and you get to call the shots. This is your time! X

I was going along the 'Game, Set, Match' route in my mind!

Good luck @Nosdacariad 🤞

Yeah, I have always had a bit of a quiet thing for Jimmy. There is a reassuring, masculine solidity to him, which Cricket also has. He's not dazzlingly handsome, but sort of pleasant and dependable looking, and quite manly....

I still haven't had my third date with him - it got delayed twice last week (by me) due to mom being poorly. He has an elderly widowed mom too, so he seems to understand.

We are hopefully meeting tomorrow. Which will be nice, I am looking forward to it.

But I must admit, if I never heard from him again I wouldn't be devastated. Perhaps that's sensible, given it is such early days.

I am also not feeling ready to take the step of sleeping with him yet - no idea whether he is expecting it - he hasn't hinted anything but equally I know third date sex is A Thing.

I actually have a slight issue about this I wanted to get everyone's advice on. I have a pierced nipple - which is probably won't be expecting as my self presentation is pretty conventional - I have a couple of piercings in each ear but that's hardly unusual these days and no other visible piercings or tattoos....

Should I mention it beforehand? I have this slight fear that he will discover it and be utterly repulsed, as I know they aren't to everyone's tastes.

Everyone else I have slept with since having it done has had piercings and tattoos themselves, so I have only had positive reactions to it. But Mr Cricket seems a pretty conventional guy......

Should I say something? And if so, what? We haven't discussed sex so far at all - not even euphemistically.....

This is excellent advice (@Nosdacariadis very wise!). Whatever you do, make sure you are doing it with YOU as the focus, not to please anybody else. And if you try something and it doesn't feel right, stop. You don't owe anyone anything ....