The Dating Thread 63 Crisp air & Warm ♥️🧡💛

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

It's more the keepy uppy IYSWIM 😁

And can they...to torture the analogy...score 😁

Haha - I did think that but I think I used wrong word - I can’t say they need a dick pic cos no one likes these - perhaps a review by the latest one to have the pleasure? Dated so it wasn’t from 1993!

Yes! ED/DE Pilot!

Good plan.

Hang on a sec you can’t be serious about putting ED on the profiles ?! If you are I think that’s a bit mean

@MsJinks im so sorry you are going through this, makes you wonder if loves worth it really

@Nosdacariad some day you have to tell me about planes and beered, do they lose their Mr status when they get binned or were they Mr those names back when ?

Ive just been out drinking with an old friend which is naughty really but today is the start of 2 weeks annual leave 😊 I’m feeling by turns happy with the general gorgeousness of Mr Chef and blue at the foreseeable continued lack of time together and the thin comms in between. Clarabelle upthread said women seem to treat messaging differently to men and I agree. That said countbosco doesn’t like texting, don’t know. I hope everyone has a nice evening planned x

Thanks @Nosdacariad

@MsJinks , I'm so angry for you. You deserve so much better.

Not sure about this (the ED/DE declaration thing) -I think it depends on whether the guy is trying to address his sexual problems.

If I had some form of sexual dysfunction (like vaginismus - something I have suffered from in the past, when I was quite a bit younger) but was keen to pursue sexual relationships, I would be doing my best to sort that problem out, whether that was seeing my GP, seeing a counsellor, or whatever.

And while it remained an issue, then I think I would be open about it with dates - perhaps not on my profile - but if I felt things were heading that way, at least. I would brooch it with the guy beforehand and say either that sex wasn't on the cards at all while I got it sorted, or that I was open to giving it a go but he needed to be patient (and to realise that this wasn't a reflection on him, or my level of attraction to him).

This doesn't seem to even occur as an option to a lot of guys! Yes, sexual dysfunction isn't nice, and it's not anything to be ashamed of - but there are adult ways to deal with it, if one wants to pursue sexual relationships. Pretending it isn't happening just means that two people feel shit, confused and awful about themselves, rather than one.
....

@comingintomyown no we aren’t serious about putting an ED flag on dating profiles 😆

What we’re exasperated about is men refusing to admit it - “this has never happened before”, or when it becomes unavoidably obvious, failing to take any responsibility for addressing it themselves; either with a visit to the doctor to check there’s nothing sinister underneath it health-wise, or by taking a good look at their lifestyle.

No judgement intended for those having difficulties in the bedroom, but ignoring this problem and hoping it goes away, or implying it’s someone else’s fault unfortunately seems to be commonplace!

Well done for having a good time without him!

We're not really serious but as Lurchers says if we were unable to have full sex for whatever reason we would

A seek medical help
B be upfront about it

There is no shame in sexual dysfunction but as has been said it's ridiculous not to seek help when it's often easily fixed.

It's just another part of being responsible for our sexual health and it's a commonly expected part of a relationship 🧡♥️💛

Exactly this! I think if I was dating someone, and it was looking like sex was on the cards, and he said to me that he might struggle to get hard, or struggle to finish, but that was in no way related to how he felt about me....

I would be totally fine about it! To be fair, there is so much more to good sex than PIV.... In fact, I think I would be even more attracted to a guy, if he was able to be this honest and open about things!

Communication is key.

But it's awful, that feeling when you are just there, doing your best and giving it your all, and it's just not happening, and he is acting like this has never happened before and you feel like a total sexual failure....

@comingintomyown

Mr Planes became Planes or Crashing not Soaring when I dumped him because

He told me I didn't exist when I wasn't with him
He told me he was surprised he fancied me as he normally went for much slimmer women (not true!)
He lost his job and refused to get another
He was fiddling UC
He had ED/DE and refused to get help
He had a harem including an ex over the road and a landlady (he rents a room) he was constantly messaging or in the pub with.
That's not all 😁

Mr Beered (has a beard, obsessed with beer) opened the door in a towel third date. I ignored the hint, later he told me he had ED...next day he decided it was a 🚩 to be vegetarian and I must have an eating disorder as I didn't clear my plate in the restaurant.

If I'd seen his profile on Match I'd never have messaged him because as well as telling women how much to eat he wants to tell them whether to wear make up 🚩🚩🚩🚩

😮 at Planes and 🤣 at the naming of Beered

@MsJinks this is the devil in me suggesting this, but seeing as you are all on FB (you, Tree and his holiday buddy), would you consider putting something on your local “are we seeing the same guy” FB page? You can search on the page if she is a member and if she is then she may well see it.

She may be completely innocent in all this and oblivious to what’s going on so I’d only suggest doing this once they’re home. It means she will find out what a shit he is, and he will get a public humiliation if other females he knows is also in the group (relatives, friends, co-workers).

That would be what I’d be doing, but I do like a bit of public revenge 🙈

Had a fairly horrible couple of days at work. Mr CS is still away. Told him I'd had a couple of cries in the toilets today... Radio silence. Very much starting to wonder if this is the right fit. I want someone who cares about shit like that.

I sort of like this idea....

My best friend was dating a guy - they'd started as FWB but he really pushed for it to become a proper relationship - he then became insanely jealous and (to y mind) pretty bloody abusive.

I then spotted him on our local Are We Dating the Same Guy group! Turned out he was constantly chatting to women across th apps, and really pushy about sex with anyone who agreed to a date....

Those sites can seem a little but dodge (I think sometimes there is a little bit of stirring on there, date I say it, among younger women who might sometimes have a few issues with each other). But they are also a really good idea I think, and a great way to get the message out if someone is a complete wrong'un.

In a better world, there would be no need for sites like that to exist. But as we are.....

Oh, that's not good, lovely. Sorry work has been shit, in the first place.

And yes, it's very shitty to have a text like that ignored. Sending a "Oh no, hope you are ok!" type response should be a minimum, if I am honest. Ideally he should suggest a call to chat about it, or taking you out for nice drink, or something.

Has he ended up responding later in the day? And if so, has he said anything about your work situation? Or just ignored it?

Hope you are ok. We care, even if he doesn't! Xxx

This is utterly heartless behaviour from MrCS, and wouldn’t be the right fit for me at all. Remind me of how long you guys have been together? It doesn’t matter how long in the grand scheme of things because if someone genuinely cares then this is the time to step up and show it.

I really hope you’re okay in terms of work. I’ve been there too many times myself, and it’s awful. We spend so much of our waking hours at work and while we don’t necessarily have to be happy doing our job, it’s important we’re not unhappy. Sending lots of hugs 🤍

God, a lot of men are utter cocks.

Out of interest, how much make-up should we be wearing?

(None of us wants to disappoint Beered, now ....)

@Ilovelurchers no nothing. He read it at about 1pm. I understand he's on a weekend away but a message like you suggested takes seconds.

@empirebiscuits12 3 months now. Realising he's very good at future plans (he's already planned something my birthday 2 months away) - have I ended up with some sort of future faker?

Thanks for the love. I'm not usually a work crier but have done 26 hours in 2 days!

Yes I’ve noticed a bit of a shift on the AWDTSG page local to me too, definite shit stirring going on. Or posts asking for tea or red flags on guys they have only just matched with. But the original essence of the page is useful for genuinely exploring whether you are being played, or want to warn others about a man’s bad behaviour.

thinking of you @MsJinks, I really hope you’re doing as well as you can be 🤍

Sorry work has been awful and Mr CS notalot better - it's a poor show.

When do you see him next?

I don’t think you are unreasonable for wanting him to care and you are right it doesn’t take long to message back

Just the right amount to turn him on, but not enough to look attractive to any other men 😁

We don't actually have anything booked in now I think about it. That's quite telling isn't it.

Oof! That's bananas.

At the very least you're owed a profuse apology and a good reason for radio silence xxx

It sounds like there are other concerns so maybe time to reevalute.

Is he good enough for you? Does he improve your life?