The Dating Thread 63 Crisp air & Warm ♥️🧡💛

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

I'm trying at figure that out. At the moment, no. Been on my own for too long and done too much work to not be valued!

Pros and cons list maybe?

Sending lots of love 😘😘😘

The devil in me, says go and meet him off the plane. Just to see the look on his face.

You really don't deserve this and I think he's a total scumbag.

There are no excuses whatsoever for his behaviour.

Thanks for the new thread @Nosdacariad!

@MsJinks I’m just catching up and I cannot believe what I’m reading. What a shitbag he is. Just remember there is no pressure to decide immediately on what to do. Take your time to figure out what you want to do about it.

@CleanShirtAlso so sorry to hear how things are going for you 💐 Hoping you are ok!

Caught up with Mr Nomad yesterday morning for a coffee (previous situationship who I ended things with a few months ago). He was back in my city for work, he was angling to stay with me initially only I made it clear that I was not up for a FWB type of situation again. He said he was disappointed but understood, so yesterday we had a friendly but non romantic catch up.

It’s my birthday tomorrow, I’m not expecting Mr Charismatic to do anything given we are not technically in a relationship but I must admit I am kind of curious to see how he deals with it! His was back in June and he said he didn’t want to celebrate, although I did organise wine and cake for him at least.

Random - but I think someone, maybe @Nosdacariadsaid they’d seen a profile saying they were the prize? Well my daughter linked me a fb profile of a local crim, totally revolting at that, where we used to live that actually has on the top of the page ‘if you’re lucky enough to date me don’t forget I’m the prize’ - he’s taken 10 years off his age too. My daughter was horrified but I was wondering if he’s on some OLD and been seen on here lol.

Anyway my view is ‘I’m the prize’ on a profile is a massive red flag!

@BoxOfCats hoping he does something cool x

@MsJinks "I'm the prize" is something Burned Haystack identifies as problematic.

Saying things like

"Apply within" or

"Bonus points if"

Or anything else implying you'd be lucky to go out with them.

So yes definitely 🚩🚩🚩

After much wine last night I ordered a birthday card for planes (I know!)

Should I send it?

No!!

Oh lovely, no don’t send it. It will give him a sense of satisfaction and it won’t make you feel any better.

This shows how beautiful a person you are, it really does, thinking of other people. But this person hurt you and doesn’t deserve your kindness.

Im sure I speak for many of us here when I say that we understand how hurt you’re feeling and that you still care for him and also possibly love him too. But this man is not good for you and you must cut the cord

@Nosdacariad Very thoughtful of you, but no! It will send the wrong message.

It feels like a basic. To care about someone especially when they’re upset.

It feels like a basic. To care about someone especially when they’re upset.

Interesting reading about the disclosure of ED. qn when should I disclose my own health conditions? It’s a proper life changing diagnosis. With reduction in lifespan potentially. I’ve told one as im
not too bothered about him.

I’m sat outside my house I can’t face going into an empty house

@Reginablitzing I think this is different. How have you navigated this before, if it has been necessary?

It's a lot to deal with 💐 I hope home was ok when you got in xxx

Been awake since 4 (needed to be up at 5 for work anyway!) and have messaged him.

Told him I get he's away but it's weird to basically not hear from someone, especially after they've let on they're having a shit time.

ohh - so sorry this is going this way as whether he is a dick or careless how you are feeling is rubbish 💐

My advice, or thoughts, are mostly based on my experience so today’s is different to last week as I’ve had a new experience now. It doesn’t mean it’s better or worse.

I never got to the point with Terrible Tree that we’d contact in times of stress - odd thing but not much - I guess this was sort of managed by him in a way. The texting suited me being minimal but had a weird ‘awkward’ around the edges - like after 4 months it was still the 2nd or 3rd week. Whilst in person it was phenomenal and I’d be reset to ok. I got used to it, he did always seem to mean what he said as in when we’d see each other - enough interest. I thought some was me despite never having anxiety around anything else - in this case it wasn’t was it. So I’d be aware there may be pieces of a puzzle that might explain this that you can’t see yet - I don’t mean necessarily others, or that he doesn’t care though - we don’t know yet.

Some folk are terrible at texting and it’s that simple.

However, I have to agree this is pretty harsh of him, when you’re upset, and you deserve much much better.

Not sure if working is better for distraction or tough as you’re finding it hard to concentrate- I felt a mix of both other day. Either way it’s hard if you’re tired - do something lovely for yourself after - we are all thinking of you xx

Ahh - you’re such a lovely person - but Noooo - please don’t.

Gonna be referencing Terrible Tree a lot for a bit lol - he stays friends it’s exes - as he’s pretty apparently ‘lovely’ to everyone and very personable - it’s not real this bit - you’re staying friends with an ego driven shape shifter and get to be part of a harem!

Mr Player collected friends / I’m on his daughter’s fb and made me laugh how many of his exes were on there - he didn’t have fb (wise move really!) - he definitely liked a ‘harem’ - occasionally as a back up option I think (happened with me!) but a lot just to validate himself - he genuinely thought all his exes still felt they’d missed him as the prize - I’ve heard him say more or less this.

You are not Crashes validator- you are worth so much more.

I do get your motivation- and you are such a lovely lady it’s just natural for you to do this. I also get how you get to thinking of and missing them - but sadly it’s not real. You will get past him, it’s just rubbish it takes so long 💐xx

Oh bless you 💐

This is so difficult- I don’t wish to sound crass but I, probably many on here, have a couple of things I never would say prior to getting more serious - I’d only say them then as it became weird to not and some things they’d learn of me and family, whilst it remaining under wraps, would sound frankly odd to the point of she says this but then that - is she lying! I hope that makes sense.

It’s a hard thing to know when to say - obviously not straight off for me it’s easy to do that too - but when are the inconsistencies in what I say going to be a problem and equally it does change how people think of me - it just does.

When do you think it might become apparent to dates? That might be one thought. Obviously you don’t want to fall for them and then they say oh no but also you probably don’t want to tell everyone. I think I’ve seen similar on profiles - so it’s out there no revelations needed - not sure if you’d be comfortable with that though.

The right guy won’t care except to want to care for you - and you will get this guy I know you will xx

Awed by your adulting - sticking to Mr Nomad decision- being chill with Mr Charismatic- I need to be more you!

Birthdays are interesting- I was glad Terrible Trees would be after mine to find the benchmark lol - not that it matters now.

Your cake and wine was such a good call I think - nice, not nothing, but not OTT or awkward - and he may just mirror that - well I would - but he’s a guy! I’d be hoping he did a bit more if I were you just to see where I may sit in his thoughts - but he’s so thoughtful anyway in this case it mightn’t be a clue!

Enjoy your day however it unfolds 🍾xx

@CleanShirt I really hope he steps up. Otherwise I just don't think he's good enough. I hope work is a bit less awful.

@MsJinks thanks. I think seeing his match profile I sort of started believing his story again. And he has such a lovely face! You're right. The whole harem thing is disturbing.

Warning! - Terrible Tree update

@MrFlintstone- I love this idea and I so would have gone to the airport in all my previous lives - I’ve been to shopping centres - large ones and found the bastards before and said something to drop them in it - sigh one cringe re remembered lol.

It didn’t work that well and my own anxiety was through the roof. At least a shopping centre was nicer than an airport I guess lol

.@Ilovelurchersand @empirebiscuits12- I’m on a local group of this - it’s a bit odd lately - I used to want to know folk pictured on crime watch (showing my age) and use this the same way basically lol
This would be the wrong geographical group so I’d have to find the local one. I have been tempted odd time to try make sense of oddities but for many reasons a long term woman just didn’t make sense then and I thought this is a huge sorta stalk and don’t trust thing and this time I’m not gonna be that girl - doh! I may post there, or not.

I’m getting bored of thinking about him - not enough to stop unfortunately though haha. It is I think easier whilst he’s out of the country though so I might be more bothered when he returns - unless he gets murdered by bandits or something, which well that’d be ok 🤷🏼‍♀️

Generally, texting has changed to point I think he’s setting up a ‘narrative’ to explain- I think he wonders if I know (there’s a odd reason he may wonder this but only as cheaters think it’s all about them being hunted!)

It’s surreal that I think we are both texting now knowing what we know and wondering if he knows I know and I think he’s similar. I think he is more stuck as in he won’t want to just say in case I don’t know and he can avoid it ever being said plus of course he doesn’t know what I may do with this info which must be worrying! I’m getting tired of this - it’s just bizarre if a tiny bit of amusement to be taken too - silver linings!

Also time is planting doubts in my head - my the factual and actual evidence is weakening - and idk but also today I just don’t even want to see him - just leave it alone and get on living - that’ll change a million times too though - sigh. He’s just not who I thought but he’ll be wearing the same face ffs ha!

@Nosdacariad don't send the card! If he responds you'll be setting yourself up for more disappointment.
@CleanShirt well done for taking the bull by the horns!
@MsJinks what was the update?!

I really get that clash of seeing someone for who they really are but they are still wearing the same dear face.

I wonder if chat could make his face look weaker, pathetic, attention seeking?

When your understanding of the evidence weakens, what is your intuition telling you?

I wonder if a way to test the impasse might be to suggest something that moves the relationship forward, see if he reacts positively?