The Dating Thread 63 Crisp air & Warm ♥️🧡💛

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Thank you for the new thread @Nosdacariad

@MsJinks as I was saying... ENM becoming more mainstream has unfortunately unleashed an even lower level of behaviour from men because now they can claim there has been some kind of moral agreement set up. And yes I know, some women are also ENM and as I mentioned - I've dabbled too - but it didn't take long for me to observe that this is just another way men can justify avoiding commitment. Or fidelity.

I'm angry on your behalf, @MsJinks !

If you're angry too, it helps you get past them. It's also good to remember that there are also plenty of decent men out there!

I lose anger very fast in all situations and I’ve barely got any here. This is partly what stops me firing off texts or something right now as I’ve regretted my words before and very quickly at that.

Thank you for your words and all your posts xx

@empirebiscuits12 one last thing before I stop - sometimes it's good to leave it for a while after a date to see how you feel with some distance before texting. But it sounded good!

@Chocolatefreakand Regina - the texts were blunt at the start - definitely brushing away the nice bits I sent / I mean I only sent once and matched energy from there so yes I felt a detachment from him - I put it down to him feeling I was imposing on his holiday or being a bit why aren’t I there - I really wasn’t these solo trips were good by me. Obviously, I understood better after fb fate and added it up with some other stuff.

Tbf his texting warmth or very prosaic I thought was his energy - seems probably his girlfriend’s energy affected it viewing this lol - I’ve been a bit stupid there I see now.

Currently the texts are back to what I would expect really so idk if he reviewed and thought whoops I’ll have to be nicer to keep her quiet, or if he just got in rhythm of being with someone else and still being ok texting his shag ha!

I always match energy, I stay warm though and not changed that. It’s very surreal us noth texting shite to each other. Though guess actually he’s not really - he is enjoying it all!

I saw him hours before he left - he said see you then saud oh it will be over 2 weeks now and looked inordinately pleased about it - I was thinking hey Tree that’s very socially unaware - but I also thought ah bless he’s really looking forward to his holiday - he was but I have lost my bless for it!

@MsJinks he doesn't seem to have an excuse at all and I'd be considering telling the OW.

@MsJinks if he told you you were exclusive, which I think you said in the previous thread he did, then he has absolutely 0 defence. He has been cheating on both of you

can you do anything nice for yourself today to try distract yourself?

Thank you @Nosdacariadyet again you absolute legend , for the new thread (where would we all be without it? It's the absolutely best thing about dating) and for the relentless optimism in the title. Warm hearts? Well, that would be nice, wouldn't it..... Heated by our anguish, perhaps? 🤣🤣🤣

I'm joking - we've all got to stay positive. Although in this dating landscape, it's hard. But at least we have each other! (If I was inclined towards an LTR with a woman I would marry any or all of you in a heartbeat. Without even meeting you first. That's how epically amazing and prize-like I think you all are.....)

I'd like to put a healthy warning on what I am about to say - the last thing you should probably be doing right now is scrutinising the comms you have had from him since he was away - so feel free to ignore this - but I just know it's exactly what I would be doing if I, or a close friend were in this position - God the hours I have spent combing over texts from men in these circumstances.....

But if you DO want to go there - I find it interesting to hear that he was less warm in comms at the start of the trip but has warmed up more lately.

What does warmth from him look like? Do you guys flirt, or make any sexual references for example? (Either hinted or explicit?) . Has there been any "I miss you"s? Or any references to future plans - stuff you might like to do when he is back?

There is an absolute devil in me that would be tempted to lay it on really thick now - perhaps sexually, perhaps even romantically, and just see what he does/says..... Just to see how much of a liar he actually is..... And if he responded reciprocally, I'd definitely be keeping hold of those texts.....

(But my advice is honestly terrible. I am in awe of the dignity and grace with which you are handling this situation. Trouble is, I just don't think the cowardly fucker deserves it!).

Lol - we’ve all been here! I appreciate the warning but unfortunately I have to accept I don’t heed what is often my own advice to others! I will obsess for a bit but it’ll fade - so I accept that in me too.

First text was blunt - yeah me too but really looking forward to holiday, when I said I’d miss him but really glad he was getting away - I’m sure he was looking forward to it lol!

Next couple of texts were super short - I’m here, it’s great - here are photos - then the warmth came back - it isn’t what you may consider warmth particularly- no miss you or owt but longer texts with photos I’d be actively interested in and his views on what he’d seen - quite normal for us and I’d view them as warm enough if he were here - especially compared to his office response type texts! Guess too he has limited time haha.

The most bizarre bit was he dropped off x on first 2 texts and that can/does happen but next one he sent no x and then 20 minutes later went back and sent them - not immediately when you think oh I missed xxx so I’ll send - but instead a fair bit later - he’d already dropped enough off previous texts so no need to do this at all - I was gonna start leaving mine off to this last one without, but hadn’t to that point so it wasn’t a response to my texts. It’s very sad to obsess over x for x ray isn’t it?! I know this but clearly have done ha.

Day to day texts are similar - occasionally flirting ramps up or fun stuff - then drops off to very prosaic info texts or something in between. He’s particular about regular text since I said ages ago about low effort but that’s box ticking really. We normally just text once per day - suits me but probably suits players more lol.

I think ramping up sex or fun would be spectacularly bizarre to him at minute so I can’t lol. I do have texts from hours before he went with some quite interesting stuff lol but I find guys seem able to explain this away somehow - idk what manual they get, as someone mentioned before, but it’s pretty effective - unfortunately!

I doubt I’d contact her but I’m hoping to leave that possibly in his head!

@MsJinks I think whatever you do is valid at this point, from nothing to everything.

@Ilovelurchers I like your style!

@Ilovelurchers- I have no grace or dignity really - I cringe so hard at what I’ve done in the past sooooo much lol - so this grace is probably more for future me than him. I guess too I have learned it gets me nowhere - except to church to confess my deep shame (not really) lol!

Randomly Mr Not for Me just text - after we last spoke in March - he was quite keen on messaging that one - also watching me sleep whilst he laid next to me - ibthink I won’t respond!

Placemarking x

Not unless you want to let him take you out somewhere lovely to cheer you up and remain unshagged (or at least send him packing so he can't watch you sleep again).

Just saw Beered on Match. I would not match with him now reading it, it's quite ranty and I'm the prize ish.

Also the ED...

Someone watching me sleep would freak me out 😬. You are hanging in there so well, I’m hating on Mr T what a horrible guy 😞 x

I think we should all join together in sending clarity vibes to ALL the women around him (family as well) so they see him for what he is.

He asked to stay no expectations- and I said oh I don’t sleep well with others - stupid I know! So he offered just l to lay there and watch me sleep 😬 - I didn’t let him do that either I just squeaked out a umm no thank you 🙈🤣
I’m not sure he’d cheer me up lol

@Nosdacariad- did Beered mention his ED at all? Lol
Ranty isn’t ever good - and we all know he’s no prize - though you certainly are!

Funnily enough neither (OMG is it me?!) MrX nor Planes nor Beered put it on their profiles.

I don't get the mentality but I think they convince themselves it doesn't matter.

Hmm, interesting ... The X's thing in particular. In my experience men read more significance into this than women - my FWB for example has actually talked me through this - he doesn't send X at all to friends, single X is to a woman he is either sleeping with or wants to, XXX is reserved for someone he is in a committed relationship with..... Presumably he has slightly different rules for family which I haven't probed about....

I digress, but anyway, deliberately going back and adding X does seem to indicate some form of indecision on his part (especially in the light of what you now know....)

I wonder if, in the first days of their holiday, everything was honeymoonish and wonderful, and he was thinking, of yeah, OW is the woman for me - and now the shine has come off it a bit (holidays are stressful) he is rethinking and realising what a cock he would be to let a prize like you slip through his fingers.....

I'm curious about this trip too. Are they staying in one place, or travelling? And does one of them own a property out there or something? It's quite a long time to go away for.

I suppose I am hoping against hope that there will miraculously turn out to be a reasonable explanation for his behaviour. Though I know it's a reach.

I am so sorry this has happened - you deserve so much more! Xxx

Oh no! I put Xs on teams messages 😱

@MsJinks like @Ilovelurchers I'm hoping he's going to miraculously fix this too - but even if it turns out she's his sister/aunt/primary school teacher the fact remains he represented this as a trip alone, I think?

Should be a compulsory bloody tick box - still they’d lie so guess it wouldn’t help - perhaps they could have verifications of their virility like you get verifications of photos - bit grim but! Lol

That’s exactly what I think.!

Love the X explanation lol. So a bit ago he dropped them off when texting just about where we were at an event - but he then continued after onto next normal text - so I took mine off - his came straight back on! How much productivity per day is wasted over thinking X across the U.K. 🤔🤣

He doesn’t have any access to villas but wouldn’t know about her. He likes to move place to place so and afaik - he’s had a few days here and moves on Sunday for next few days.

I’m totally satisfied with my knowledge that there is something between them that I can’t be privy to and I’m pretty sure it’s a relationship - though - @NosdacariadI hope she isn’t his sister that’d be a whole new level lol -

but a lot is insubstantial of itself - I’m easily manipulated by my brain to drop it all and wait for more ‘evidence’ - I mean at this point it’s all pointless from now on anyway - if I have to play detective trust is gone.

Glad I have more time to ponder though.