The Dating Thread 63 Crisp air & Warm ♥️🧡💛

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Also got my nipple pierced - never met a man, conventional or unconventional, who didn’t like it. Mention it before only if you want to entice him I would say 😅

@Nosdacariad thanks for new thread. I agree with the others: Don't send the card.

@Thiswillbefun
Excited to hear about your date on Tues when Mr Post home

@Comingintomyown
Did you have the convo about him going to France full time for a bit?

@Empirebiscuits12
Yay for a good date with Mr Bright

@Mildred007
You’ve enough to be worrying about without trying to placate the ex. But also, I get it, unfortunately.

@MsJinks
Take the high road, as you have been. You poor thing, I really feel for you.

@Cleanshirt
That's crappy he didn't respond when you said you'd been so upset in work. I'm sorry to hear that you were that upset 💐

@Boxofcats
Well done on staying firm with Mr Nomad

@Chocolatefreak
Well done on deleting Mr Rigger so quickly 👏 Good luck with Toad!!

@Ilovelurchers
Your nipples are not his business!! I definitely wouldn’t mention it unless you were specifically talking about piercings.

@Cadburyegg
Hope the second dates go well, go girl!

I never heard of this FB are we dating the same guy before. ! But I guess one needs to be fairly sure before posting there or it becomes relationship‑ending in itself?

My update that I wrote yesterday, copied from previous thread:

Mr Italian in the bin. He asked me out yesterday evening for today. I was busy in the day but asked how was 6.30pm, he said good and how about we play pool. I agreed. Nothing further from him til 6.05pm today when he texts me naming the pool hall in my village. There's also a pool hall in his village and obvs loads of pubs, arcades etc that have pool tables. I was in the shop getting stuff to go home and make kids dinner and told him that and he replied in surprise, I don't know what you mean, are you saying you're not coming (we're at around 6.15pm by now!) I said exactly. And that it's very unusual to be asked on a date without being told where I'm expected to go! He said it was obvious and I should have asked if it wasn't clear 🙃 He said he hadn't spent the day sat around scratching his belly!!! So I replied well now you have the evening to sit around and scratch your belly and that I am happy to leave things there.

@CountBoscoTheSecondsWife sorry but I’m not sure what Mr Italian did so wrong ? I do seem to be struggling with critical thinking lately though 🤣

Well fortunately I have woken up in a better mood and I’m buzzing to be about to spend 3 days with Mr Chef. I did message him last night saying I couldn’t believe after 7 months we’d only ever had a single night together and how nice it would be. Bit of a side swipe but I don’t get many opportunities to remind him of how fucking abnormal this set up is.

I am looking forward to the sex, romance etc but much more than that I will finally get a chance to see whether this guy and I have a future outside the bedroom, whether we are compatible and actual relationship material. At this point I need some evidence of that if I’m to keep soldiering on in the set up as is.

@Nosdacariad did you go out for dinner last night?

@AlwaysCarrieSATC I don’t think the settings are weird but sending an innocuous pic on once only is odd but wouldn’t trouble me

@cadburyegg i hope the second dates go well

@Ilovelurchers I would not expect anything other than a positive reaction to a pierced nipple.

I think this third date shag thing is ridiculous - it's way early for some and why wait for others. I do realise it's a thing though.

@CountBoscoTheSecondsWife you did not have a date arranged until you had a place and time which you did not have until you were in the shop 15 min beforehand.

His behaviour was controlling and disrespectful not to have given you proper notice.

Well done 😁

@comingintomyown Mr Italian expected her to attend a date with 15 min notice. They loosely arranged to do something but he didn't give a venue and made her wait for that. It wasn't hard for him to say "my village or yours".

Yes I went out for dinner😁 Mr Tennis.

Exactly this @comingintomyown
I thought it ridiculously low effort to ask me on a date but not say where!! He's the one who asked me, why should I go begging for the information. The last time before we went on our lovely nature walk, I had said I was out for lunch with family home from abroad, so didn't have an exact time I could meet but gave him a good ballpark, and said I could text him when I'm leaving lunch which would be 50 mins notice and I checked was that enough and asked if he could let me know when he gets it so i know when to head off. He replied "I'll reply if I see your message'. I replied "if only there was such a thing as WhatsApp notifications". Like I don't need or want non stop daily check ins but I do think you should be clear about when and where you want to meet and keep an eye on your phone around that time! He's the one who asked me to meet. Pain in me hole with him!

Ok understand it now 🤣🤣

So he’s history ?

@Nosdacariad how was dinner with Mr Tennis?

@CountBoscoTheSecondsWife how much of this is the banter of your wonderful nation and how much he's just bloody rude? I LOVE the "if only there were whatsapp notifications"

He sounds like Low effort Larry

@Chocolatefreak dinner was good. Nice man, not my type. Rolling in it (compared to me anyway!)

It led to a bit of a question about why Mr Tennis is so successful but Crashing has nothing but debts...Mr Tennis has no education and is not overburdened in the intellect dept. Crashing is bright, educated.

I guess one is prepared to do the actual work.

How are you doing?

@MsJinks how are you?

@comingintomyown I hope you really enjoy your few days with Mr Chef and feel there's value and compatability in the relationship 🤞

A deffo Low effort Larry. In fairness I do think that he doesn't like being on his phone, possibly even more than me! Case in point, he's an extremely overprotective father but still managed to miss 4 phone calls and multiple texts from his boy when we were on a date 🙃 I think he's also a scatty, distracted person. But one who's so handsome he's used to getting what he wants when he wants it and seems Amazed that I'm not just sat at home waiting for him to click his fingers! So low effort it is rude I think.

Interesting observations @Nosdacariad re the difference in the 2 guys. What a shame Richie Rich tennis man didn't swoop you off your feet. Will you meet again do you think? 'Not overburdened in the intellect dept' made me laugh!

@comingintomyown I hope all the MrChef evidence is positive x

@CountBoscoTheSecondsWife I wonder if he is single due to an unwillingness to adult?

Mr Tennis - we are going to play tennis next weekend probably.

I'm annoyed with myself still being besotted with someone with so little character (Crashing).

What is it with the disconnect between what the heart(/body!) wants and what the head wants 🤦🏼‍♀️

Well it’s positive that he’s solvent and active outside the pub so hope it just gets better 🤞
Hard when you’re hung up on others.

Took me so long to not want player at all - a few years after though I caught a video of him on his daughter’s fb - oh dear Jinks what were you thinking - he was talking and that was dire too. I mean I’d got past him before that but odd to finally see that why did I even go there thing!

It will get better. No contact is my way to go - but it involves chewing my hands off at times lol - continued texting with Stumpy is just no good for this - apart from it being actively bizarre too!

@CountBoscoTheSecondsWife- is Italian totally binned? Baffling they don’t understand how dates work for folk - Stumps would text an hour before ‘are you coming over we could go out’ - mate you were married forever you must know how long I might take getting ready! Obviously there may have been more practical reasons behind the late invite now!

@AlwaysCarrieSATC- I have noticed disappearing messages lately more and more - but across the board - nice young lady neighbour, older colleague etc - not sinister I don’t think though gaving said that it can also be useful for some folk! Pictures I have once seen this - can’t recall where - it annoyed me I had one look - was not nefarious I don’t think though
@Ilovelurchers- I think every guy I ever met would be delighted to uncover the piercing - a treat lol - so I wouldn’t worry about telling him up front - hoping dates are continuing to go well.

Thanks, strange because his messaging has dropped off and become low effort too. I’m glad I didn’t give him an iron name. But all the cloak and dagger with WhatsApp and the photo had put me off a bit anyway.

Are you still messaging Mr Stump, I honestly don’t know how you are doing it I would’ve blown my stack by now! You are very patient x

Stumps update warning - not a lot to update. Texts got more normal and warm but no mention of future plans.
I’ve realised he has a strict truth code so ibthink that’s relevant - just very much not the whole truth code!
I’ve also been thinking it all over - and using all platforms to do so lol including chat and Gemini - very different! Gemini is quite scarily bossy - though probably right. He has a lot of traits similar to my ASD daughter - no I’m not going to diagnose but what I’m going to do is recognise I have difficulty with these interactions and probably a relationship with this type of person isn’t for me at all. I’ve noticed oddities throughout but never troubled to think - aka overthink - before - as in person everything else went away and I skimmed over stuff I’d normally stop and think about.
Anyway just him ending it when he gets back would be good for me - just I can’t quite feel that fully yet lol - trying to!
I no longer want to go over it all with him - be like asking a jellyfish to give explanation for the universe.
But I haven’t had this text yet of course and I know it’ll be different when I do so I still know nothing is really where I’m at and flip flopping between various potential scenarios.
On a sort of positive side I do activism against racism and we are having to ramp that up (not good this imo of course) so I’m busier with stuff and room for even busier - feel bad saying fortunate as I wish it wasn’t needed at all.

@AlwaysCarrieSATC- yeah I’m a different model at 60 than I was at 50 haha! Idk how though - probably having here, kids, AI models to vent to when before I’d fire up straight to source! It never worked so well though and he’s in Spain so I can’t do a lot - I also don’t want to have to resurrect my dignity that I usually leave burned to cinders on the floor lol. I’m also good, or bad, at anger fading fast and regretting even normal responses - and I’d have gone through all that cycle before he’s even on his way back!

The texts feel bizarre as we are both texting with different understanding behind each text - no truth really so surreal to me!

I think you know when something puts you off - even if it is apparently innocuous- if it hits you as off that is valid - we have seen signs or picked up something subconsciously that is off and so it most likely is - we do know we just don’t always listen to ourselves - you did the right thing.

@MsJinks I get you, it must be very surreal at the moment with The Stump. Him messaging you with only half truths, and you replying knowing what you know. But not letting him know. Kinda like a scene from Friends but without the comedy factor. You’re doing amazing, don’t know how you do it. Out of curiosity, if it had only been a weekend he was away for instead of a fortnight then how do you think you’d have reacted by now? If he was home right now and had asked to catch up with you tonight? Do you think the extra space is complicating things or giving you more time to think about how to handle things?

This fool doesn’t know what a prize he has/had. He needs uprooted and but through a wood chipper.

I haven’t heard from Mr Bright since Saturday morning, and I know he’ll be nightshift tonight. So it’s all a bit strange. I gave him space yesterday because I knew he had a day planned with friends. I know I could just message him but I don’t really want to. I want to feel his effort. When we were out on Friday night it was really obvious how keen he was. But tbh the lead up to it, it was me messaging first and making the biggest effort. So I’ll watch and wait for now.

I have a new iron called Mr Tux, been messaging since Saturday night and he’s delish to look at and quite amusing in messages too. No chat about meeting up yet but it’s early days!

@Ilovelurchers I don’t see any reason why you should warn anyone about your piercing. I’m sure they would get a lovely surprise if they get that far with you! I’ve still got my belly button pierced from when I was 16 and I know it’s not quite the same but I don’t mention it at all.

Hope all’s well with your mum 🥰

@Nosdacariad well done for sitting on your hands about the birthday card, I know how hard it must be for you. I sent my most recent ex a WhatsApp message on his birthday last month and he actually blocked me without a reply. It was super gutting because I hadn’t ever done anything to deserve that when we were together. I don’t think he’s with anyone new in all honesty because I know him and what he’s like. But it still hurt. So if I were you I’d avoid doing anything which may place yourself at risk of that crushing feeling. Total no contact is the way to go

@msjinks it's really hard to think you may never know, but you may never know. I'm glad to hear you're busy with other stuff. Maybe you need to take a step back from the analysis and just watch carefully how it pans out? Also re the break up text you're half expecting- once you feel you have things a bit more straight in your head, would you not prefer to be the one to call it off?
Yes Mr 🇮🇹 in the bin. But yes I'll be pissed off if he doesn't text me again asking to meet 😀 Possibly unlikely as he unmatched me on bumble. Not sure and won't be checking if I'm blocked on WhatsApp.

@AlwaysCarrieSATC remind me, have you any good ones on the go?