The Dating Thread 63 Crisp air & Warm ♥️🧡💛

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Yes I think maybe you are right, if I’m honest I’ve definitely taken a step backwards. I think I will see how our next date goes then either pull the plug or play it by ear

Oh absolutely, see how it goes. I think it was just an awkward situation which has put the brakes on things but hopefully seeing him again and enjoying his company will reignite things between you.

Haha he can make his own tea never mind a sandwich. I don’t know how to escalate this situation from chat about work and cups of tea though. Maybe tea is the way to his heart?

Difficult, he may just be being respectful I guess?

I suppose but it’s hard to gauge whether he’s interested. There was no mention of meeting up again at the end of our date or today in messages. But I guess he’s still messaging so that’s something I suppose.

How are you feeling about tomorrow @Nosdacariad?

Obbviously you're worth more than "something"

What if you prompt him once then see what he does with that?

Eta I just feel calm 😁

@empirebiscuits12If he’s still messaging I’d assume he was keen. And no harm in just asking if he wants to meet again. At least you’ll know either way!

@NosdacariadSounds like your spidey senses are in tune at least!

I must admit I struggle with this frequently. I’ve met many people via OLD who seem genuinely lovely and I could happily chat to them for an hour or more. But then I’m left thinking, well I could just as easily do that with a friend or colleague. Unless the chemistry smacks me in the face, I’m left feeling a bit lukewarm.

Had a video call with Mr Bay yesterday seeing as he lives 2 hours away.

He seemed very nice - my impression was that he’s a genuine kind of guy, has his shit together financially and emotionally, was interesting and funny to chat to. Hard to tell if there were any abs of steel, although he mentioned he was previously a personal trainer and has a gym in his garage that he uses regularly 🤷‍♀️

One thing that made me slightly uncomfortable was him commenting on my appearance, saying that I had really nice eyes and dimples. I don’t know why but these kinds of comments always make me feel super awkward! Other than that all good though. He is in my city later this week so we might catch up if our diaries align.

Mr Charismatic has been AWOL as he’s off snowboarding. Haven’t seen him in two weeks, although we’ve both been busy. He’s expressed interest in catching up this week before I leave for my holiday on Friday. So i could very well end up with two dates this week…

I find this too. I do g feel a spark or anything until I’ve got to k ow someone well. So for me a decent conversation and consistency is what I build on. Plus something I find attractive in them.

Is that about accepting compliments generally or not with OLD?

i think it’s good to be suspicious on OLD

@Reginablitzing I think particularly in a dating scenario. I think it’s more because if someone is too keen early on it gives me the ick. Especially if a guy seems particularly serious from the get go.

I had this once. A guy once followed up a coffee date immediately with a nice message saying he had a nice time, would like to see me again and I had a lovely smile.

It was a nice message to receive, I appreciated it, he was doing everything we want men to do, yet. . .

the lovely smile bit seriously gave me the ick. It was like I was being physically appraised and my "lovely smile" got me a pass to the next phase. I didn't find him all that attractive and it didn't progress. (I fully acknowledge that sometimes men can't win. 🫣).

But you already have Mr C so in a way your standards are higher than mine - the chemistry is competing with Mr C's?

Difficult one. I guess it's all in how it lands?
If it makes you feel uncomfortable I'm sure there's a good reason.
Planes would tell me I had "the x factor" which made me irritable and felt like a lazy line he had recycled.

@Clarabella77 Oh yes that’s totally it! It’s being physically appraised and given feedback 😆

Yes I see what you mean. And it isn’t helping that I haven’t seen him in 2 weeks!

@BoxOfCats @Clarabella77 I actually think a specific compliment is nicer than a generic 'lovely smile' - and in early dates better when it's about your face/hair then a more sexual one about your body.

No compliments from Mr Unphotogenic and tbh @empirebiscuits12 I think we're both a bit underwhelmed... he walked me to my car after our second date and I made sure we only had a social kiss so I think he gets the message we're both going to let it gently slide... just simply no spark.

I have another chat going but that is pretty lacklustre too and he lives quite far away so unlikely anything will come of it. Hinge with its 8 swipes a day suits me at the moment - I don't have the motivation for more than that!

If I notice something on a person that I find is worth complimenting on, then I will just say it. It could range from hair, facial features, clothes, a good piece of work or a nice worthwhile hobby etc. To me all it means is that I find something really nice. I also definitely don't attach anything sexual to it as I compliment both male and female colleagues at work.
The way I see it, is that you never know what that person has going on in there life, so a simple ' I like your hair/top/ etc' may put a smile on their face for the rest of the day.

I'm only commenting on things that are not fixed physical attributes as it is increasingly frowned on.

Times have changed!

Hi all! Sorry I have been a bit quiet - work has been busy and stressful, and I am still slightly under the weather I think. Thank God for the weekend!

@Nosdacariadi hope the two dates go well today. He sounds very promising, and is certainly keen! Hopefully today will give you clarity on your feelings for him....

I was very interested to read about Beered - how did you discover this? I admit I had concerns as soon as I heard about the lodger (though I also wondered whether I was being embittered by my own past experience of such arrangements).

Are you still in touch with him at all?

@BoxOfCatsi know what you mean about compliments. It's a tricky one, because getting no compliments from a date can also be a bit depressing (otherwise perfect Mr Cricket, I'm looking at you here!). But if there are physical and too specific, that can seem a little creepy before any intimacy has taken place. (I kind of think that once you have started shagging, anything's game really on the compliments front - for me at any rate..... )

@empirebiscuits12i absolutely know what you mean about someone being physically gorgeous but just not feeling the spark - it's so strange. A few of my 13 dates were genuinely handsome guys, but I felt zero urge to jump any bones... And traditionally I have been a keen jumper of bones!

I do wonder if my libido is changing post-menopause. I definitely still have one, but it seems a lot more choosy now about who it's directed at......

Sorry to hear about your week, with work and the lurgy….hopefully you can find some time to recuperate over the weekend

I asked Mr Handy if he fancied meeting up again and what his weekend plans are. Tonight he’s doing his housework so he suggested tomorrow evening. Found that pretty lukewarm.

The older I’ve got the more keen I’ve become to jump on bones. Possibly peri? I seem to be going the opposite way to you!

Just adding a bit of an update. I’m not sure if anyone remembers the iron I went on 2 dates with but then I pulled back a bit because of lack of chemistry? I can’t remember what iron name I gave him. Since then I’d realised he was actually more of a catch than I thought and my mind kept going back to him. He went to Thailand on holiday and I asked if we could get together when he got back…he said yes. Well I realised he must’ve got home a couple of weeks ago so I messaged him yesterday however he told me he’s not looking to date at the moment.

I’ve still been pursuing Hot Physio despite him ruling out a LTR because he wants kids in the future. There’s been flirting back and forth about possible short term. However I realise I’m doing the chasing and hoping for breadcrumbs from him.

Ive come to think that maybe I’m going backwards instead of forwards, desperately trying to clutch onto anything because I’m lonely and seeking connection, any type of connection. I know deep down I’m worth more than this but I don’t know how to get it to sink in.