Page 4 | There We Are Then - part 4, but episode 278946, probably.

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 01/09/2026 08:04

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 30/08/2026 22:41

Of course ' we ' are still here to offer our opinions and thoughts ' messages of hope, wisdom and general loveliness '.

I feel / believe some of ' us ' will be here for as long as it takes / as long as you need us.

This, @mummy917 we’re here for the long haul.

You’re doing fab!!

SquirrelsLeap · 01/09/2026 08:20

Perhaps he won’t come running back, nor might you want it after what he’s done. I don’t think he can cope with family life involving 4 children 24/7/52. When your children doubled in number he became worse as a father - with three active, vocal and needy pre-schoolers he was getting further down the pecking order. Every time he puts an obstacle in your way he’s redirecting your attention from the children to him. Mention their needs only on WhatsApp to allow you to make handovers as brief as possible, to only speak to the children in front of him. Less interaction with There We Are Then will benefit you.

BasilParsley · 01/09/2026 08:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

SquirrelsLeap · 01/09/2026 08:46

You might be on the wrong thread @BasilParsley!

MargoisanA1arsehole · 01/09/2026 10:05

Was the 4 letter word TWAT, by any chance?!

BasilParsley · 01/09/2026 10:23

OOOOPs Sorry! I've reported myself!

AmandaHoldensLips · 01/09/2026 10:23

I expect his end of the 50/50 bargain has come as something of a shock to him and he doesn't like it.

The upside for you is that you get to recharge your batteries when they are with him, which I'm guessing was never an option while you were under the same roof.

PetulaGordeno · 01/09/2026 10:29

SquirrelsLeap · 01/09/2026 08:20

Perhaps he won’t come running back, nor might you want it after what he’s done. I don’t think he can cope with family life involving 4 children 24/7/52. When your children doubled in number he became worse as a father - with three active, vocal and needy pre-schoolers he was getting further down the pecking order. Every time he puts an obstacle in your way he’s redirecting your attention from the children to him. Mention their needs only on WhatsApp to allow you to make handovers as brief as possible, to only speak to the children in front of him. Less interaction with There We Are Then will benefit you.

Genius analysis. He keeps steering the attention from the children to himself.

Cotopaxi · 01/09/2026 10:45

Maybe treat yourself to a bunch of supermarket flowers, and artistically place them in a vase on the windowsill at the front of the house. Somewhere they can be seen from outside. 😁

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 01/09/2026 10:51

formigas · 31/08/2026 10:13

Fun as it might sound I agree with some other posters that it's not a good idea to play games around having a pretend lover and likely make him even more abusive and less co-operative than he already is. Give away as little about your life as possible.

You are right of course... but it was fun playing around with the idea.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 01/09/2026 10:54

Lsquiggles · 01/09/2026 07:46

I think ultimately he wants to win. For whatever reason he truly feels like you owe him and he wants to one-up you at any cost. So I understand why you sometimes agree to things like early drop-offs etc to prevent conflict, because he will definitely retaliate to even the score if he feels you've 'won' in any way.

You've come so far in these few months, doing what any good parent would do - prioritising their children.

That does sound very likely. It does come across as if he feels you are off loading the children onto him, cutting in to his precious Free Time, and that's why he's so keen to keep dropping early because every hour he "gains" back is a win. He doesn't seem to get that you miss them and would rather have them for longer.

sunnyfeet · 01/09/2026 11:51

He clearly despises her for ‘trapping’ him with four kids that he clearly wanted, but didn’t want responsibility for! He thought he could walk away to a single carefree life, be Disney dad EOW and pay nothing in maintenance! That hasn’t worked out for him and he deeply resents OP for it.

I agree. He simply has zero accountability and really should get himself a vasectomy.

Original poster

mummy917 · 01/09/2026 14:24

I have taken my eldest to get his hair cut today before school tomorrow, with the other 3 in tow too, after we’d been to soft play. I sent him a text him to ask what he asks for at the barbers as I’ve never taken the eldest until today and he said “his hair is fine, you did this with boy twin the other week when it didn’t need doing and it’s me who sorts them out”. When I responded saying he’s had weeks to get their haircuts, he said “you always have a go”. He honestly puts my level of self-worth on the floor because after those few texts from him, I feel like rubbish again and doubt myself with the things I say to him about the kids.

OP posts:

BadTitan · 01/09/2026 14:32

God forbid he would just answer the damn question.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 01/09/2026 14:32

There We Are Then should be your only response to this man, @mummy917. Because that's what your every interaction with him shows. If you can, you are just going to have to be completely independent of him for everything, and stop asking him questions like this. Ask the barber/hairdresser instead. No unnecessary interaction with There We Are Then.

Lostpassporthelp · 01/09/2026 14:34

mummy917 · 01/09/2026 14:24

I have taken my eldest to get his hair cut today before school tomorrow, with the other 3 in tow too, after we’d been to soft play. I sent him a text him to ask what he asks for at the barbers as I’ve never taken the eldest until today and he said “his hair is fine, you did this with boy twin the other week when it didn’t need doing and it’s me who sorts them out”. When I responded saying he’s had weeks to get their haircuts, he said “you always have a go”. He honestly puts my level of self-worth on the floor because after those few texts from him, I feel like rubbish again and doubt myself with the things I say to him about the kids.

He’s lashing out because he knows he should have had it cut before school. When was the last time it was cut? I bet he hasn’t taken him once since he left.

Original poster

mummy917 · 01/09/2026 14:34

It was a simple enough question that didn’t need to turn into him being vile again. It’s definitely shown I clearly can’t ask him a civil question at all. No matter what it’s about.

OP posts:

RedOnionsOlivesandFeta · 01/09/2026 14:37

mummy917 · 01/09/2026 14:34

It was a simple enough question that didn’t need to turn into him being vile again. It’s definitely shown I clearly can’t ask him a civil question at all. No matter what it’s about.

If it helps at all, whenever I took my sons to the barber (not very often!) I would simply smile and say "Same again and leave the ears on".

It always seemed to work ok.

And if it didn't, it would grow out in a couple of weeks.

lessglittermoremud · 01/09/2026 14:41

RedOnionsOlivesandFeta · 01/09/2026 14:37

If it helps at all, whenever I took my sons to the barber (not very often!) I would simply smile and say "Same again and leave the ears on".

It always seemed to work ok.

And if it didn't, it would grow out in a couple of weeks.

Show quote history

I always say similar and take them each time 😂
I never have a clue, thankfully they always visit the same one so he just checks with them individually if they want anything tweaked and then does the usual.
I never really get involved although I vetoed a mullet last week….

Two2TooAlsoToToward · 01/09/2026 14:43

mummy917 · 01/09/2026 14:34

It was a simple enough question that didn’t need to turn into him being vile again. It’s definitely shown I clearly can’t ask him a civil question at all. No matter what it’s about.

Don’t. You know how he will react, so stop interacting with him. This is your son—you have every right to have a conversation with the barber and agree a style between you. My advice is to stop bothering your XH and get on with making your own decisions—what did you think the outcome would be? A civilised, pleasant encounter?

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 01/09/2026 14:49

mummy917 · 01/09/2026 14:34

It was a simple enough question that didn’t need to turn into him being vile again. It’s definitely shown I clearly can’t ask him a civil question at all. No matter what it’s about.

He takes any and every opportunity to 'prove' how controlling you are, when you really aren't, you are just organised.

Of course the kids should have haircuts before school starts!

If he's "the one that sorts it" why hasn't he?!

He turns it back on you because he's angry you're doing something for the kids that HE should have done.

Please don't let his inadequacies affect your self-worth.

You are doing what you have always done - putting your children first.

I remember he moaned that he couldn't manage taking all the kids with him to get boys' hair cuts.

And here you are, having done just that.

After a trip to soft play.

I would bet money on you having given your kids a great summer holiday, despite all the emotional upheaval of the last months.

Bloody well done OP.

You're a great mum, @mummy917 , and he is an inadequate, pathetic, bully.

I hope he gets an infection in his twattoo.

Farr85 · 01/09/2026 15:00

@mummy917 id have responded with: id be a long time dead waiting for you to do anything 🙄 and perhaps throw a w*nker in for good measure!! What an absolute tosser trying to start an argument over kids haircuts. Keep at him to get reimbursed for back to school costs and all the other mounting expenses her owes you.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 01/09/2026 15:08

Tell him to stop playing the fucking victim.

'You always have a go' means you've just pointed out where I have failed as a parent and I don't like it.

Absolute bellend 🤬

Freeyourmind · 01/09/2026 15:11

Can I ask a question (and I ask it kindly as I've been guilty of doing what I'm about to say). Did your sons hair "need" cutting, or like me do you think it should always be done before they go back to school?
Yes, without doubt, it should just be a simple interaction between the 2 of you - something along the lines of "I'll take x to the barbers this time as I know you were pushed for time over the weekend - with him replying yes, thanks, I'll take the girls next time to make up for it, ask for x,y,z at barbers".
But you're not there, and unlikely to get there because he is who he is. So protect yourself and let it go. You, like me, are used to being totally in control of everything that happened with their care, but it's not that way now sadly. And it's hard to let go a bit. But for your own sanity, you need to in cases like this. No harm comes to the children if their hair is a little longer than usual.
We're all here to help you through, don't let this have any impact on your self worth.

ilikemethewayiam · 01/09/2026 15:22

mummy917 · 01/09/2026 14:34

It was a simple enough question that didn’t need to turn into him being vile again. It’s definitely shown I clearly can’t ask him a civil question at all. No matter what it’s about.

You are absolutely right it was a straightforward simple question and he didn’t answer it, he simply deflected. Going forward don’t get into any debates with him. Simply say something like ‘I didn’t ask you xyz, I asked you abc! What’s the answer to my question? I kept doing this to my ex using the broken record technique. In writing this will show just how difficult he is to deal with over the simplest things regarding the children. Don’t allow him to bamboozle or hoodwink you. This will become easier the further away you get and the stronger you become.