Partner says I am too vanilla and expects porn-style sex

[Mummysclubhouse]

I don’t even know how to write this, how to word it etc

Been with partner 13 years, 3 kids, ones on the autisim pathway.

sex life is usually ok, not great but as can be expected with 3 kids.
For a while he’s been on my case that I’m not exciting enough or I don’t surprise him enough. Basically I’m too vanilla for him and he wants more exciting stuff .

the thing is , I’ve tried to explain to him, look we have 3 kids , I can do things as and when the situation is right but you have to understand I’m a mum First and they come before anything.

When I say tbis I’m usually met with ‘so there’s time we’re you could do loads of things’

🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

He.does.NOT.listen!!!
i think it’s cos he’s watched porn most of his adult life and obviously it’s very different for them. I’ve said porn is fake.
I am not quite sure what he means also? Unless he wants me to give him a full role play upstairs while the kids are downstairs?
My youngest is on the pathway and he is hard work. He doesn’t sleep, doesn’t eat , general autistic traits and is hard. When he finally gets down to sleep the lash thing I want to do is prance around pretending I’m some porn star for him.

this is what he means by ‘there has been loads of times you can do stuff’

It used to bother me but after him huffing around all morning cos I didn’t give in to his advances or hints last night (had a crap day my 3yo has been lashing out loads, I have a split lip!)
Ive literally gave him an ultimatum, either start being more realistic and realise life isn’t a porn video and I am not a porn star or we split , we co parent and you find yourself a nice woman who has no kids who can be your personal porn star 24/7

He hasn’t replied yet and don’t even care if he doesn’t but it’s getting too much now and quite frankly gives me the ick and makes me not want to go anywhere near him!!!

sorry this is long but just wanted to see if anyone had anything similar happen or is it just me who is in a shit show 😂

also sorry , he has been known to talk to other women etc if he feels his needs aren’t met

Good for you. Work on getting those ducks in a row.

Good for you. Not the shafting he was hoping for but the one he ultimately deserves!

If you aren't married to him and the house is in your name, just throw him out. I know you don't work right now, but this is what the benefits system is for. No one should have to endure cheating rapey sex pests.

You should have done that the first time he cheated TBH.

Get an STI test. Find out what you could claim. And put in a claim for child maintenance.

Why on earth would you stay in this relationship?

My apologies, I read your next post. You are extraordinarily kind.

You deserve so much better than this pig of a man x

You sound lovely. Your family are lucky to have you!

lol --- and if he did, I'd run a million miles, definitely not get turned on by it 😅

They’re going to end up extremely lonely, all these guys, now we just don’t have to put up with this shit any more. It’s utterly demoralising that this is increasingly how ‘adult male’ presents. The irony of it is that in the unlikely event any poor woman agrees to go along with his fantasy it’s highly likely the little stud will either be unable to ‘perform’ or will get in a massive strop about it realising it still wasn’t enough for him. One day soon I reckon I’ll read one of these posts and my minge will spontaneously (and permanently) seal itself up.

Wishing you all the best OP. Your life will be transformed once you’ve got rid of this pathetic drain on your energy x PS the only ‘duck’ you need is the cost of a locksmith.

This is the type of guy who ends up on dating sites! Thinking there will be a queue of women waiting to give them the porn sex they're craving.

Guys like this are in abundance. Oh poor me, my ex wife wouldn't fulfil my fantasy's 🙄

The fact they're still on those sites months later shows you how successful they are 😂

He has watched porn most of his adult life, you say.

You do not have a partner then.

You have a man who thinks of you as a receptacle for his dick, a warm body who performs sex for his entertainment, and a domestic appliance who performs laundry and cooking duties.

He does not see you as a real human being and he does not understand the concepts of love or respect, nor does he understand what sex is about in a relationship.

Get a solicitor.
Start planning to end the charade you have been suckered into.

This certainly explains the men I saw during the hour that I had Tinder installed for. And why I uninstalled it so quickly.

Do yourself a favour and get rid. Life will be peaceful for you to raise the children

be careful before you take advice from single mothers and old spinsters. If you love him and want your relationship to work then maybe explain how you're feeling to him instead of a bunch of strangers on the internet. if you're not bothered about your relationship then single mother life is the way.

Misaligned sex life needs is the biggest destroyer of relationships, and yours will end too if you cant find a way to communicate.

I’m sorry but life’s too short for this shit.

Did you even read OP’s posts? She IS explaining how she feels but he is not listening. How do you suppose she is supposed to communicate with a brick wall? His requests are pretty out there and she is under no obligation to entertain any of them.

🤦🏻‍♀️

Ok incel

For relationships to work, you need understanding, listening and communication from both sides. The OP's relationship appears to be only one way.

From OP's follow-up posts:
He’s already asked me to sleep with someone else (from what I’ve researched it’s called cuck holding or smth?) that was a hard NO. He sulked for days. Still brings it up now.

He's got a cuckolding fetish. He wants her to wear no underwear and dress up when she's got a disabled child. He sulks when she tells him how she feels.

Raise your standards. This man is well worth becoming "an old spinster" or single mum to avoid.

One of the reasons I split from my first husband. Was completely unrealistic about real life … thankfully I now have a reasonable dh without such ideas

I'd been with one person from age 18 to 30ish - it didn't mean I wasn't adventurous in the bedrrom. We had a great sex life (and no kids which helped of course). I didn't want/need to sleep with anyone else and he fulfilled my needs in that way. Unfortunately that's all we had and he was a controlling narcissist and we split, but that's a different story.
My point is that you just because you've only been with him doesn't mean that you're. However, I do agree that he's being completely unrealistic if he thinks you're going to have the energy to be wild in the bedroom after looking after 3 kids all day - on top of the fact that he's a demanding sex pest. He is being totally unrealistic and unsupportive and I'd have the ick too if my DH expected me to 'perform' in this way.

He sounds like a AH that wants to be another one of your responsibilities. My DH is happy if I dtd with him at all as he knows we have kids and we're both knackered. Honestly think you'd be better off without him