Partner says I am too vanilla and expects porn-style sex

[Mummysclubhouse]

I don’t even know how to write this, how to word it etc

Been with partner 13 years, 3 kids, ones on the autisim pathway.

sex life is usually ok, not great but as can be expected with 3 kids.
For a while he’s been on my case that I’m not exciting enough or I don’t surprise him enough. Basically I’m too vanilla for him and he wants more exciting stuff .

the thing is , I’ve tried to explain to him, look we have 3 kids , I can do things as and when the situation is right but you have to understand I’m a mum First and they come before anything.

When I say tbis I’m usually met with ‘so there’s time we’re you could do loads of things’

🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

He.does.NOT.listen!!!
i think it’s cos he’s watched porn most of his adult life and obviously it’s very different for them. I’ve said porn is fake.
I am not quite sure what he means also? Unless he wants me to give him a full role play upstairs while the kids are downstairs?
My youngest is on the pathway and he is hard work. He doesn’t sleep, doesn’t eat , general autistic traits and is hard. When he finally gets down to sleep the lash thing I want to do is prance around pretending I’m some porn star for him.

this is what he means by ‘there has been loads of times you can do stuff’

It used to bother me but after him huffing around all morning cos I didn’t give in to his advances or hints last night (had a crap day my 3yo has been lashing out loads, I have a split lip!)
Ive literally gave him an ultimatum, either start being more realistic and realise life isn’t a porn video and I am not a porn star or we split , we co parent and you find yourself a nice woman who has no kids who can be your personal porn star 24/7

He hasn’t replied yet and don’t even care if he doesn’t but it’s getting too much now and quite frankly gives me the ick and makes me not want to go anywhere near him!!!

sorry this is long but just wanted to see if anyone had anything similar happen or is it just me who is in a shit show 😂

also sorry , he has been known to talk to other women etc if he feels his needs aren’t met

So this man who ignores you for a day if you fart in your sleep also thinks you should be fantasising about fucking his stepdad to turn him on?

Do you know how unhinged this all sounds @Mummysclubhouse?

Oh yuck. Leave him. Any man who wanted me to sleep with someone else would be kicked out. He would disgust me and there’d be no going back. He doesn’t respect you.

The man’s a sleaze. You take him off OP’s hands and sleep with his step dad if you think he’s worth compromising for.

Keep on farting OP, the smellier the better!

Tell him you’d like to try being a dominatrix, dress up in latex and whip him whilst he does all the housework.

on a serious note, my ex was like this and it was only when I left I realtor was sexual abuse, ignoring you for sex is coercive behaviour.

Every fucker farts. Where do you want her to do it if not her own house?

OP, he's revolting. Tell him he makes your vagina clamp shut and it's all his fault. Then run!

He’s a gross immature twat. Feel free to go.

You maybe need to talk to female friendly organisation for support. If you have a local Citizens advice or call the national number.
Do you have any family that you could speak to for assistance?

Honey… it’s Friday night… weekend starts here…chill!

Twat! Set the sad fucker free. His entitled BS is the ultimate contraception.

So the same for him, does he surprise you with sexy outfits 😏

Go to Spotify and listen to the podcast fab swingers. It’s by a female journalist and a woman who speaks out after her husband coerced her into the swinging scene so he could watch her with other men. It’s a real tho g apparently. Do not even consider giving in to this weirdness her life took a hellish turn,

It was on woman’s hour too. She did it to stop other women going down that path. You should definitely listen to it.

Step-father cuckolding fantasies, wtf? He sounds like an absolute lunatic. No good man coerces or guilts you into having sex that you don't want. Please leave him.

He doesn't see you as a person just as a defective sex toy because you're not performing for him - it sounds deeply misogynistic and toxic

Tell him that you want him to jump from one building to another, high up, catch himself by his fingertips and pull himself back up. Because you’ve seen it in multiple movies so it must be a thing that ordinary people do in real life right? Nothing on camera is faked.
If he’s stupid enough to believe women in porn movies enjoy being treated like sex dolls (or worse) rather than pretending for the camera, or that they would be doing any of it if they weren’t being paid, does he believe that actors who are shot in TV dramas actually die?
I’m sorry, he has so little respect or care for you it’s hard to believe this is salvageable.

Solidarity OP. My DH is not as bad but similar levels of moaning about my lack of enthusiasm for sex amid domestic chaos have really ground me down. No, I can’t feel sexy when we have a 3 YO with severe eczema a dysregulated 11 YO with ADHD (my DSD who he takes very little practical responsibility for since she came to live with us cos her mum couldn’t cope) your mum here 24/7 cos she’s grieving and then all the housework and food prep, mental load etc on me plus I’m working full time and paying most of the bills and the mortgage on my wage! And you are surprised I don’t want to suck your dick on the regular?

This ^

Does your “dh” actually bring anything to your life?

Hi all sorry for radio silence.

I laid it all out for him and he didn’t like it.not one bit.

Hes acting like a proper victim in all this but I stood my ground and said this has only happened cos I’ve finally spoken up and now your making me feel guilty into not being turned on by the same stuff you are. I said you can sit here and fucking sulk day for all I care and he’s giving me the silent treatment.

someone has asked if he’s ever strayed , yes. And probably will again now, when he feels his needs aren’t being met he will do something he knows will upset me kind of like ‘well if your not doing it I’m gonna do this’ kind of thing.
He’s spoke to loads of women behind my back, dating sites etc. when I was actually pregnant with our 3rd, he was seeing some girl from work and it was cos he wasn’t getting any of my attention and was all my fault apparently. I have severe pre natal depression, was under mh midwives the lot. And I only found out cos I saw on his phone, he’s lied about it so much but I’m now past caring. I trulY believe if I didn’t find out, i never would have and would still be going on now.
So yeah, im Fully expecting something to happen again and of course be my fault cos i wont fantasise about other men’s willies and me having sex with other men!

im getting my ducks in a row, im biding my time cos when i leave i want to do it properly so i dont snd cant come back!

Good for you. I hope getting your ducks in a row (I'm never sure what that actually entails) happens quickly because this will become unliveable fairly quickly.

That’s a difficult question. He is a kind person and also works full time but on less than a quarter of my salary he can’t really match my contribution in that domain. I think he also has ADHD, which complicates things in the mental load department. I could cope alone and in many ways it would be easier/I’d be happier in myself. But not for DSD who has already been shoved from pillar to post since infancy and not for my DD who adores her sister and dad. So for now I am putting up with the situation.

Ugh, he’s a real pig. Sincere good luck in getting rid swiftly and permanently.

Take it in the spirit he's openly telling you what he needs. tell him exactly what you want, him doing more, leaving you alone and yes you will walk about without pants on, thinking of fucking his step dad. 3 months of that and you will dress up and whip the fuck out of him. Him asking you to be more adventurous sex wise means in reality being in charge of your own sex life, so more use of word no - which has to be respected, you will have sex once he has complied with your wishes, and ask him uncomfortable questions, if I can't fart Infront of you, how am I supposed to have wild un abandoned stranger sex in front of you? How does that work. If im Thinking of fucking my step dad that puts me in same role as your mother? What's with that weirdo?
Wanting you to become wild and uncensored and sexually free comes with a wildness and freedom I have a feeling he's not going to like

Wow what a disgusting piece of shit he is. I’d be surprising him with his suitcases on the doorstep. How have you put up with this for so long? They just chip away don’t they? Be strong and know your worth, he doesn’t deserve you.