Too much sex?

[exw88]

Been dating new man for 3 months.

It is very sex-centric, although we do have some deep conversations and quality time together too and dates without sex… but is mostly sex. He can turn any conversation into sex, this is daily.

I am attracted to him and the sex should be enjoyable on paper, he’s not selfish, is adventurous which I like… but he could want sex 3 times a day… not quick sessions this could be between 1-2hrs each.

I feel sore all the time, and tired. I can’t keep up with him!

He’s always suggesting more and more, new ideas for sex… says to keep things interesting. Sometimes I feel like I’m not performing well enough, or I’m not good enough at it because this suggestion makes it feel like he’s bored already.

At the same time he says it’s the best sex he’s ever had?!

I do enjoy his company and he is a nice guy, but I’m not sure if to end it because simply I can’t keep up with this. I am starting to dread having sex with him purely because I know how long it will be, and know I will be sore after. Both 30s if that matters.

Oh God I could NOT stick this. I would have to end this @exw88 sorry. Any man this obsessed with sex would do my head in real bad.

I have no advice, but I would be ending this. I could not live like this. 2 hour sex sessions, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. Fuck that.

Pp? OP?

Shagging for six hours a day… bloody hell that’s Olympic level shagging.

I'd just have to say ..."my orgasms are much more available than yours DP...we aren't compatible...I don't have long epic struggles to breath taking orgasm....I don't need the pedalo I want a sports car orgasm - and have them on my own..so the downgrade is you" 🤣

The idea he thinks this is sexy fun 🤦‍♀️ this is no chemistry bad sex

OP, you are allowing your body to be used like meat for up to 6 hours a day, until you are sore and yet are struggling with how to say it's too much?

You sound very vulnerable.
Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk
You need to find boundaries and build up your self esteem.

You are in your 30's and this is what you are looking for in a long term relationship?

OK, so I always used to find sex painful, until my most recent serious relationship (in my 40s). I can have sex all day with him and it never hurts. And I have realised that this is because, though I have felt somewhat attracted to guys in the past, never to the extent that I am to this one. And that's how turned on I need to be for sex to be non-painful!

I think the pain indicates that your body is, to a certain extent, objecting to the sex and shutting down.....

As well it might! Because this guy may have his good points, but insisting on insane amounts of sex you don't really want.... If course that's going to turn you off, big time. And then it becomes a vicious cycle....

I think you are probably better off ending it right away, but if you can't bring yourself to do so, tell him the sex isn't working for you and you need to see drastic change - you need him up take you out on dates, participate in fun non+sex-based activities at home (cooking together, reading a book together, board games, whatever floats your collective boat.....). See what he says. If he is up for giving it a proper go, then he might prove to be worth it bn the end.

If he isn't, then you have your answer......

Good luck!

Sex needs to be fairly quick I think. 20 mins start to finish is ample. Penetration 5-10 mins max.

Once you’ve had kids 1/2 that.

id be bored to tears and sore as fuck. I’ve been known to fall asleep on the job!

You need to be honest with him.It's too easy to go along with it at first but that will just mislead him.

I would tell a white lie and say all the sex has made you sore and that youve also now got a bladder infection.so cant have sex for at least 2 weeks and see how he goes with that, see how he is as a person and how he is towards you, if he tries it on for sex at all then dump him, it does sound like hes using you as a sex toy and yes im sure his ex avoided sex as it was too much, and also its all about his needs ie he wants it to last 2 hours but hes never asked you how long you want it to last

When does he have time for any other interests or meeting friends?

Thats exactly what i said see if he respects your boundaries

I don't have 6 spare hours in the day for sex. How does he fit it all in around commuting, full time working, eating, household chores and doing fun things etc? Im not sure the relationship has longevity with such a high sex drive. If it progressed and you had children for example it would become problematic as his sex drive won't miraculously slow down and it could be the cause of many an argument. If however, its unlikely to go that way, then maybe let him know its just too much.

Christ, who even has the time for 3-6 hrs of sex daily....even if you wanted to? I'm not surprised you're sore. Sorry OP, you have to talk to him about this and if he can't dial it down (addiction?) unfortunately it's curtains for this relationship:(

Just wow. Anything that goes on for hours and is taking up most of my free time is overkill OP. It's like too much chocolate, too much wine, too much sun, it's just TOO MUCH and you feel a bit crap afterwards. Your body is telling you it's too much, it's sore. Respect it. You don't have to fulfil his needs at your expense and you shouldn't. You're walking over a line if you're trying to keep him happy at the cost of your physical health.

Don't you have anything else to do on the weekend like seeing friends or going to the cinema or going out for a walk or something? I'd find this relentless sex crappy.

He sounds a obsessed and I wonder if that's why he's still single...

It wouldn't be for me. I would get bored and I can understand why you are bored. Trying lots of new things - well... how long can you keep that kink up for? Before everything's been tried and you step into foreign lands... ew ... we know where this could go...

Honestly it sounds like he has a problem. I would not want to take that problem on personally at all.

And it sounds like too it's a shield to getting to know you better or become more intimate in other areas of your life. Overall it just sounds weird.

And no wonder he had 'less sex' in his last relationship. If he was this sort of sex pest, she probably had to keep batting him away.

Kind of gross.

tell him you only want quickies

Sex is the icing on the cake of a relationship, not the whole relationship.
You also sound a little pressured. If sore, you should be able to have a night off without him instead promising to be gentle. I worry your voice isn't being heard.

Awful OP, he is using you like a sex toy. Tell him how turned on you get by a man doing housework. The second he gets in from work, throw him a duster and the hoover. Tell him you like it long and slow, so the cleaning session will need to last at least an hour. Something tells me he won't appreciate this new, interesting element you are introducing.

If you don't feel able to directly tell him no, you could say you have a really bad thrush infection so you can't have sex for a few days at least.

His reaction would be interesting...

Running away is the way to go

“I am starting to dread having sex with him purely because I know how long it will be, and know I will be sore after”

This is the only reason you need. Tell him it needs to reduce to a frequency/ length that you are comfortable with, or things will have to end.

Sometimes I feel like I’m not performing well enough, or I’m not good enough at it because this suggestion makes it feel like he’s bored already.

You have one life - do not waste another moment of it on this man. Why would you?

Why do you think that is?

Sounds a bit scary that - what sort of dark past?

Run for the hills
…and you need to work with your self esteem.

1. say you have thrush and you need to stay away from sex -check reactions
2. check his internet history -you might be shocked
3. make sure he does not have a secret file of you or something with y you naked while sleeping or keeping pics you asked him not too and dont do sexting with him
4. he shouldn’t come by your place so often … kindly kick him out
5. don’t forget your family and friends, pay visits to them and arrange stuff just with them, see how he’s reacting
6. he might keep in touch with exes despite what he’s been telling you in case he needs a familiar person for a release in person or by sexting
7. he might use escorts/hookers

I would still advise to run for the hills but beware he might not let you go easily …