Too much sex?

[exw88]

Been dating new man for 3 months.

It is very sex-centric, although we do have some deep conversations and quality time together too and dates without sex… but is mostly sex. He can turn any conversation into sex, this is daily.

I am attracted to him and the sex should be enjoyable on paper, he’s not selfish, is adventurous which I like… but he could want sex 3 times a day… not quick sessions this could be between 1-2hrs each.

I feel sore all the time, and tired. I can’t keep up with him!

He’s always suggesting more and more, new ideas for sex… says to keep things interesting. Sometimes I feel like I’m not performing well enough, or I’m not good enough at it because this suggestion makes it feel like he’s bored already.

At the same time he says it’s the best sex he’s ever had?!

I do enjoy his company and he is a nice guy, but I’m not sure if to end it because simply I can’t keep up with this. I am starting to dread having sex with him purely because I know how long it will be, and know I will be sore after. Both 30s if that matters.

Does he not work? Six hours of sex a day? That sounds exhausting.

My partner was like this when we first met, told me he had a high sex drive, we had it every night, he can perform at least 3 times in a session etc etc. It has now calmed down and he is an amazing lover 7 yrs on. I would talk to your boyfriend, explain how you feel and give him chance to calm down a bit. It may also be that he is just really into you and this could be a good thing long term. I think women sometimes don’t get that men do want it a lot but it’s just trying to meet somewhere in the middle. My partner is still as enthusiastic as ever in a complimentary way, despite the menopause for me. Also get some lube, it really does help!
Clearly, if he doesn’t listen to you and you just feel used, then call it a day.

He was bashing one out 3 times a day when he was single? I’m surprised he can see straight.

Yea he does have a job, so do I. Hence I’m exhausted. Weekdays it is probably more like 1 hr sessions. Jumps on me as soon as he gets in say at 5. After dinner he will want sex again. Then when we go to bed.

Weekends are a lot longer, he’s happy to stay in bed all day and just have sex for hours.

As much as I like sex I can’t, I guess I need to tell it to him straight and see what his reaction is.

He sounds unbelievably dull.

Wow. Maybe it's time to start turning him down. His response will tell you how he feels about the relationship.

Ewwww I can't help feeling that he's using you like a blow up doll.

Yuck that sounds absolutely awful. When do you get to read a book, prune the rose bush, do a crossword? I’d run a mile.

I don’t, I have nothing life at the moment other than having sex it feels 😂

In all seriousness though it’s not every day as it’s still early days with getting to know each other.

I feel confused as I am attracted to him so initially I do feel like I want the sex, but I start feeling partway through like I wish it was over already as it’s just too long. He does make me orgasm yes to the PP that asked, usually more than once so I clearly do enjoy it but, I still don’t want sex that many times a day

He thinks you're the best sex he's had because he can just do you over and over whenever he wants. He wouldn't get this much anywhere else so obviously he thinks you're amazing.

He sounds like a sex addict to be honest!

Have you said no let's do something else? His reaction would be telling.

I think it’s really very important that you nicely say no, you’re not feeling great… whatever… to test how he reacts to that.

This reads as if your sex life is dictated by him. At any point in time, you ask yourself - do I want to have sex now? If the answer is no, then you don’t have sex. And the next question is - do I want to have sex with this person? Same applies as above. If you want to have sex, you control what happens to your body and how long for. When it stops being enjoyable, stop. Literally. You can just end the session and walk away. Same as any activity you are doing with another person.

As for coming up with new ideas constantly, it sounds like he is chasing a dopamine hit that quickly wears off. You can say no any time to anything. You have full control over your body, your pleasure and your time.

Prioritise you. No one else will

He’s a sex addicted pest! This is not normal behaviour…🤯😖

I wouldn’t hesitate to tell him to fuck off back to his porn fuelled masturbation.

How do you even have the time? God no. Couldn't be arsed with that.

You deserve the great things that come with early dating, walks along the beach, meals out, spa trips, weekends away...not just constantly shagging whenever he wants.

He sounds like a sex pest and needs to be told 'no' more often - unless you're scared you'll lose him if you do?
The only way to resolve this is to have a chat, figure out how much sex you ideally want, float that number to him and see what he says.
Please, for the love of your vagina, don't be having more sex than you're happy with. Being sore all the time is no way to be in a relationship.
If you can't sort this out then he needs dumped and your vagina will breathe a sigh of relief.

Does he have a brother? Asking for a friend

😂

That sounds exhausting. Mentally and physically. If you’re already feeling like you’re not good enough 3 months in, it doesn’t bode well.

Firstly, if it’s making you sore then explain you want to ease off a bit.

Secondly, how the hell do you both have time for this?!

"He said his last relationship there was not much sex. "

This is off too. It stinks of negging ie don't be like my ex, let me fuck you as much as I like, otherwise you'll be an ex too.

There's also a whiff of the "you're not like my ex/other girls" manipulation.

And these manipulations have worked really well for him, because he is successfully getting you to do what he wants, which is hours of fucking regardless of how sore you are:

"I do feel a bit of pressure to keep up, it’s not that he’s pressuring me but it’s just the knowledge of his last relationship not having enough (he says it was once a month if that, but who knows what the truth is!)."

" I am starting to dread having sex with him purely because I know how long it will be, and know I will be sore after. Both 30s if that matters."
So it has become a chore? An unwelcome chore. That's not what sex is meant to be, is it?

"And yes I agree it’s boring and I am getting bored of it."
So stop letting yourself be bored. Say no.

"He said his last relationship there was not much sex."
Two thoughts on that -

1. What is his definition of 'not much'?
2. It's possibly manipulation. That subtle suggestion of comparison between you and another woman, inspiring you to not want to be the same. Subtle, but some manipulators have learned that subtle works and is less likely to be called out.

The constant focus on sex is not working for you, so - stop it. Say no. And don't just minimise to him that it's because you're sore, because that's only (less than?) the half of it. You're BORED by it. Which means you're bored by him, really.

Tell him you want less sex and more relationship. And if that's a problem for him, dump him on the spot. Because if his main relationship is with your orifices and not you as a person, he's treating you as not dissimilar to an inflatable sex-toy. Eew!

This made me laugh 😂😂😂

God how boring. Dump him.