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Original poster

Too much sex?

229 replies

exw88 · 15/08/2026 10:33

Been dating new man for 3 months.

It is very sex-centric, although we do have some deep conversations and quality time together too and dates without sex… but is mostly sex. He can turn any conversation into sex, this is daily.

I am attracted to him and the sex should be enjoyable on paper, he’s not selfish, is adventurous which I like… but he could want sex 3 times a day… not quick sessions this could be between 1-2hrs each.

I feel sore all the time, and tired. I can’t keep up with him!

He’s always suggesting more and more, new ideas for sex… says to keep things interesting. Sometimes I feel like I’m not performing well enough, or I’m not good enough at it because this suggestion makes it feel like he’s bored already.

At the same time he says it’s the best sex he’s ever had?!

I do enjoy his company and he is a nice guy, but I’m not sure if to end it because simply I can’t keep up with this. I am starting to dread having sex with him purely because I know how long it will be, and know I will be sore after. Both 30s if that matters.

OP posts:
Vanillaicelatte · 16/08/2026 19:27

shuggles · 16/08/2026 19:20

@exw88 Highly unusual for a 30-something man to want that much sex. I'm 30s and not having sex at the moment... I can't see how someone would want sex more frequently than once a month or every few months. How can a man want to have sex that often?

lol of course it’s not unusual

men often have a much higher sex drive than women - why do you think there is so much porn

I would actually say your the unusual one for your age if your a single woman with no kids to knacker you out

Jane379 · 16/08/2026 19:30

exw88 · 15/08/2026 10:33

Been dating new man for 3 months.

It is very sex-centric, although we do have some deep conversations and quality time together too and dates without sex… but is mostly sex. He can turn any conversation into sex, this is daily.

I am attracted to him and the sex should be enjoyable on paper, he’s not selfish, is adventurous which I like… but he could want sex 3 times a day… not quick sessions this could be between 1-2hrs each.

I feel sore all the time, and tired. I can’t keep up with him!

He’s always suggesting more and more, new ideas for sex… says to keep things interesting. Sometimes I feel like I’m not performing well enough, or I’m not good enough at it because this suggestion makes it feel like he’s bored already.

At the same time he says it’s the best sex he’s ever had?!

I do enjoy his company and he is a nice guy, but I’m not sure if to end it because simply I can’t keep up with this. I am starting to dread having sex with him purely because I know how long it will be, and know I will be sore after. Both 30s if that matters.

'I am starting to dread having sex with him purely because I know how long it will be'

  • this sounds horrible. If you don't want long sex sessions, why don't you ask him to stop earlier? Is he pressuring you? This sounds unhealthy to me. I couldn't bear to have sex with someone long after they weren't enjoying it : doesn't he realise/care how you feel?
Jane379 · 16/08/2026 19:31

Vanillaicelatte · 16/08/2026 19:27

lol of course it’s not unusual

men often have a much higher sex drive than women - why do you think there is so much porn

I would actually say your the unusual one for your age if your a single woman with no kids to knacker you out

Show quote history

Pp is a man I think.

Most men in their 30s do have a somewhat higher sex drive than the average woman but this man sounds unusually high. Also cruel to OP leaving her in pain & making her keep going too long.
whoopsnomore · 16/08/2026 19:32

It sounds like the current "rhythm" and frequency is all about what suits him and what he wants. Would you feel able to express what suits you, and what frequency would suit you? If not, then he doesn't care about your needs or wishes.

Ponoka7 · 16/08/2026 19:32

I'm not understanding why you can't have a conversation with someone you are letting shag you until you are sore. It's bizarre that posters are saying dump, rather than talk. Unless you say something, he might be thinking it's what you want.

Jane379 · 16/08/2026 19:33

exw88 · 15/08/2026 14:36

I feel confused as I am attracted to him so initially I do feel like I want the sex, but I start feeling partway through like I wish it was over already as it’s just too long. He does make me orgasm yes to the PP that asked, usually more than once so I clearly do enjoy it but, I still don’t want sex that many times a day Blush

You should tell him. If he cares he wouldn't want you to keep on if you're not enjoying it.

MrsHGWells · 16/08/2026 19:36

Late 20’s early 30s are the rabbit years .. your new partner sounds like is has got a taste of real sex vs hand on assistance and is catching up on lost time..
you need to fess up and say your deeply sore. Any decent man would sympathise and lay off. If he doesn’t show concern and compassion.. send him off .. he is only there for his jollies.

Olive123456 · 16/08/2026 19:36

I had a bf like that, he was a sex addict. He also didn't work and didn't appreciate that having hours long sex sessions when I had to get up for work at 5.30 am wasn't great. He was obsessed with me having several orgasms per session and also got obsessed with getting me to squirt. I also used to be woken by him watching porn on his laptop next to me masturbating, despite us having had sex just a couple of hours prior.

EmBear91 · 16/08/2026 19:36

Why don’t you just talk to him about it? Maybe he doesn’t realise that you feel this way, because if he’s initiating sex and you’re responding enthusiastically then he might think you have the same sex drive. He clearly isn’t opposed to being in a relationship with a slower pace sexually otherwise him and his ex would never have been together (she clearly put boundaries in place if they were only having it once a month).

Lennon80 · 16/08/2026 19:39

I’m curious how old you are but you need to end it now. When your perimenopausal (comes round quicker than you think) you won’t want sex and he’ll still be a sex pest!

Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 16/08/2026 19:39

I was in a two odd year relationship with someone like this. The sex got darker and darker. He constantly put pressure on me to go swinging. If you are having sex to the extent it's hurting, you have to question whether this is a healthy relationship.

YourAquaLion · 16/08/2026 19:42

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 15/08/2026 10:49

Honestly, it does sound boring. And it hurts. It's incredible - and revealing of hus selfishness - that he still pushes for sex when you've told him you're sore.

Maybe you should equalise things. Tell him you'll sandpaper his dick until it looks as red and raw like your vagina feels, and then you'll consider another 2 hour long (boring) fuck marathon.

Ha ha ha I love this suggestion! Make him a sandpaper cock ring! My DP withdraws the moment I say it’s hurting and we do non penetrative stuff. Tell him to get out of there the moment it’s sore! And also just ditch the humping dog cos it sounds like ur not going to be compatible with libido levels (understandably!) sounds like he has a sex addiction tbh.

chocoluv · 16/08/2026 19:43

You sound like nothing more than a sex doll.

Are you sure you’re actually dating and he doesn’t see it as just a sex thing?

Most people who are only dating for 3 months are still spending a lot of time outside the home.

How often are you actually going out places?

Original poster
exw88 · 16/08/2026 19:43

It’s difficult as I really fancy him and I am initially enthusiastic as I like the idea of the sex, it would be great if it didn’t go on for so long!

If I’m going to put on my big girl pants and broach the subject, rather than the subtle route I have been taking, any tips on how to address it?

OP posts:
Original poster
exw88 · 16/08/2026 19:44

chocoluv · 16/08/2026 19:43

You sound like nothing more than a sex doll.

Are you sure you’re actually dating and he doesn’t see it as just a sex thing?

Most people who are only dating for 3 months are still spending a lot of time outside the home.

How often are you actually going out places?

We are actually dating, we go on dates too. They’ve all been great so far.

OP posts:
Noodles1234 · 16/08/2026 19:48

Crikey; is it me or that does sound a little boring over 3 months in when it’s that amount and for that long!

Hmm, what ended his previous relationships? Does he feel he has to be a stud or maybe he has a condition where he cannot get enough? Have a chat and explain this amount cannot go on or you need to call quits on the relationship. My concern is if he has a sex addiction if you say no does he go elsewhere? I think it might be the start of the end.

BeMellowAquaSquid · 16/08/2026 19:48

This has to be a joke SIX hours how on earth do you find time to sleep eat and work?

InBedBy10 · 16/08/2026 19:50

Ive never understood how people cant talk to the people they have sex with. You can get naked and do the most disgusting (in a good way 😜) things to each other but you cant have an honest conversation??

Just be blunt. Tell him this is not the real you. You've been trying to keep up with him but youve had enough. You'd be happy with 1 session not 3 and definitely not hours long. The fact he cant tell your bored says alot.

shuggles · 16/08/2026 19:50

@Vanillaicelatte men often have a much higher sex drive than women - why do you think there is so much porn

There's a lot of online pornography simply because there's a lot of people to watch it. There's absolutely no connection between content available online and the sex drives of 30-something men.

I would actually say your the unusual one for your age if your a single woman with no kids to knacker you out

I'm a man, so what I write is from personal experience.

livelovelough24 · 16/08/2026 19:57

I am middle aged woman, but even when I was younger, I never wanted to have sex every day let alone multiple times a day. I am currently single, five years divorced, and have not had a partner since. I do not need or miss sex at all.

I also know there are women who would love to have sex all the time. The real question is what you want, OP. It sounds like you do not want this, and you absolutely should not force yourself to do it just to please him.

If you really like this man, be honest with him and see whether the two of you can find a mutually acceptable solution.

If it were me, I would dump him.

Bluebellsparklypant · 16/08/2026 20:01

You’ve expressed here how it is making you feel, you need to talk to him & be honest. You’re in your 30’s, its a new relationship you owe him nothing and if you can’t communicate your feelings with him now then when🤷‍♀️ this is your life take charge of it

cauldroncount · 16/08/2026 20:02

It's going to be awkward no matter how you frame it really. In your position id simply say look I like you and I'm enjoying our dates but the prolonged sex is causing me pain and not something I want to continue now or in the future, if this is a deal-breaker for you then we should probably end things here

BeFastDreamer · 16/08/2026 20:04

A man masturbating 3 times a day is a huge red flag. Borderline sex addiction. He’s absolutely desperate for sex so what’s he going to do when you start saying no? The fact you’ve expressed it’s sore and he still insists on it is disgusting imo, he doesn’t care about you whatsoever as long as he gets some. If my husband was like this, well.. he wouldn’t be my husband that’s for sure!

OrangeSlices998 · 16/08/2026 20:07

exw88 · 16/08/2026 19:43

It’s difficult as I really fancy him and I am initially enthusiastic as I like the idea of the sex, it would be great if it didn’t go on for so long!

If I’m going to put on my big girl pants and broach the subject, rather than the subtle route I have been taking, any tips on how to address it?

Steve stop now, I’m sore.

Takeapause · 16/08/2026 20:09

My ex was like this.

I wonder if it’s the same person haha

Sadly once we had a kid he ended up cheating so I wonder if he had an unusually high sex drive. But at the beginning I didn’t mind, but I did notice he went on forever and could go multiple times a day. It was exhausting sometimes.

If you are finding it strange maybe something in your gut is finding something off about him but you just can’t put your finger on it yet.

I say this because I stayed in a relationship where I had these exact thoughts. He ended up with abit of a dark past, but I always think sexual chemistry is just as important.

Im not sure what to advice really - but all I can say is if something doesn’t feel right, and you e spoken about it and there isn’t a way around it, then think about your options.