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Original poster

Too much sex?

229 replies

exw88 · 15/08/2026 10:33

Been dating new man for 3 months.

It is very sex-centric, although we do have some deep conversations and quality time together too and dates without sex… but is mostly sex. He can turn any conversation into sex, this is daily.

I am attracted to him and the sex should be enjoyable on paper, he’s not selfish, is adventurous which I like… but he could want sex 3 times a day… not quick sessions this could be between 1-2hrs each.

I feel sore all the time, and tired. I can’t keep up with him!

He’s always suggesting more and more, new ideas for sex… says to keep things interesting. Sometimes I feel like I’m not performing well enough, or I’m not good enough at it because this suggestion makes it feel like he’s bored already.

At the same time he says it’s the best sex he’s ever had?!

I do enjoy his company and he is a nice guy, but I’m not sure if to end it because simply I can’t keep up with this. I am starting to dread having sex with him purely because I know how long it will be, and know I will be sore after. Both 30s if that matters.

OP posts:
Original poster
exw88 · 15/08/2026 15:54

@WhereYouLeftItI did worry about negging vibes. It’s not something he’s spoken about more than once, it was in the beginning when we were speaking about why our previous long term relationships didn’t work out.

He said it was once a month or less. His words were if his ex knew he fancied sex, she would actively avoid him… makes me wonder now if she was trying to actively avoid 6 hrs worth of sex Grin

OP posts:
SleeptightEvangeline · 15/08/2026 16:00

I would find that level of intense physical contact horrendous! I’d be pushing him away unceremoniously too.

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 15/08/2026 16:01

exw88 · 15/08/2026 15:54

@WhereYouLeftItI did worry about negging vibes. It’s not something he’s spoken about more than once, it was in the beginning when we were speaking about why our previous long term relationships didn’t work out.

He said it was once a month or less. His words were if his ex knew he fancied sex, she would actively avoid him… makes me wonder now if she was trying to actively avoid 6 hrs worth of sex Grin

"He said it was once a month or less. His words were if his ex knew he fancied sex, she would actively avoid him… makes me wonder now if she was trying to actively avoid 6 hrs worth of sex"

Yeah, I reckon she got fed up with being his sex toy for hours.

MidsummerMadness91 · 15/08/2026 16:05

Urgh, turning any conversation sex related would give me the ick big time. That to me is more of a warning sign than the mammoth sessions because it suggests he's not interested in getting to know you, or developing something meaningful. If you're cool with casual, then thats fine but if you're after something serious I'd knock it on the head.

minipie · 15/08/2026 16:09

Two possibilities

One: he’s not had much sex (if any) for a long time due to previous sexless relationship and being single. He’s got overexcited and is seeing you as an opportunity to try all the things he’s been imagining, without really considering whether that’s what you want. This is not ideal but hopefully if you are blunt with him that it’s not working for you, he will calm down and recognise that having a normal amount of sex is better than going back to being single.

Two: he’s just like this and his ex had the same issue hence the avoidance. Not fixable in that case.

Charlize43 · 15/08/2026 16:17

Have you checked to see if he's on the sex offenders register? Although I'm not sure how one does that... Have you asked him? Maybe ask him next time he is on top of you.

AcrossthePond55 · 15/08/2026 16:23

@exw88

Too much sex is as bad, or worse, than not enough sex. At least with not enough you can ahem take care of it yourself.

Listen, the basis of any relationship is honesty. If you don't feel you can sit him down and say "This is too much for me. Let's talk and see if we can reach a happy medium" then the relationship is dead in the water.

Original poster
exw88 · 15/08/2026 16:42

Him being on the sex offenders register never occurred to me- surely that’s a huge jump?

Not sure how you find out, I did do a Clare’s law when we started seeing each other. Would I have been told if he is a sex offender or is that a different thing?

OP posts:
jellyfish798 · 15/08/2026 16:49

I feel like this might be best as a short term relationship that is fun for however long you want it to last, but it sounds like it couldn't be long term? As he doesn't sound like he has other interests, sounds one dimensional to an extent. If he already feels the need to keep things interesting - when that shouldn't really be an effort early on - I reckon he's fixated on 1 thing. If you're happy to have a shorter term thing then it doesn't need to be acrimonious necessarily, just maybe when you think the time is right there will be a convo that you want more from a relationship and just aren't right for each other in the long run?
Go with your gut OP. I think it's a bit red flag that you tell him you're sore and he still wants to go for it, but I acknowledge that you've said you don't feel pressured either. Just make sure you're happy and respected/feel safe etc ❤️
It is ok to split if you do feel you have incompatible drives. You don't need another reason.
I need a more rounded relationship than this but I don't mean it in a judgemental way, just that I want other interests/lots of convo and general affection, not just sexual affection. So maybe it would be worth reviewing what you want from relationships and weigh up if he can offer that? x

shhblackbag · 15/08/2026 17:00

You're not a sex partner on tap. Set some boundaries and mean it.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 15/08/2026 17:03

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/08/2026 15:47

" I am starting to dread having sex with him purely because I know how long it will be, and know I will be sore after. Both 30s if that matters."
So it has become a chore? An unwelcome chore. That's not what sex is meant to be, is it?

"And yes I agree it’s boring and I am getting bored of it."
So stop letting yourself be bored. Say no.

"He said his last relationship there was not much sex."
Two thoughts on that -

  1. What is his definition of 'not much'?
  2. It's possibly manipulation. That subtle suggestion of comparison between you and another woman, inspiring you to not want to be the same. Subtle, but some manipulators have learned that subtle works and is less likely to be called out.

The constant focus on sex is not working for you, so - stop it. Say no. And don't just minimise to him that it's because you're sore, because that's only (less than?) the half of it. You're BORED by it. Which means you're bored by him, really.

Tell him you want less sex and more relationship. And if that's a problem for him, dump him on the spot. Because if his main relationship is with your orifices and not you as a person, he's treating you as not dissimilar to an inflatable sex-toy. Eew!

Did you actually ask ChatGPT for advice on the OP’s sex life? 🤨 Good grief.

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/08/2026 17:21

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 15/08/2026 17:03

Did you actually ask ChatGPT for advice on the OP’s sex life? 🤨 Good grief.

Show quote history

No. Where on earth did you get that from?

Original poster
exw88 · 15/08/2026 17:23

The sex definitely isn’t bad, it’s just too long for me!

I wouldn’t mind if it was 1 x 1hr session, but 3 in one day is too much.

Maybe that’s how I need to broach it with him… what I mean is the sex isn’t terrible, awful, boring sex… but it’s just way beyond my capabilities to have it that much.

And he does have lots of good points too, hence why I’m mulling this over and not just jumping to ending it based on sexual incompatibility

OP posts:
Mooseylooseyloo · 15/08/2026 19:26

In my last relationship there was lots of sex initially. Twice a day was normal but at no point would it be 2 hours long. It would be a quickie and then maybe like 20 minutes later lol. I personally hate sex sessions that go on and on. I just couldn't deal with that, and I know how uncomfortable it feels.
I also think its important to tbink about hlw you are feeling, you feel, that you are dreading it. Its mot sustainable. Speak to him, and see what his reaction is.

AtlasCedar · 15/08/2026 19:40

Your sex drives don’t match. Chuck him, or you’ll be 5 years in and he’ll be screaming at you that you constantly reject him.

WallaceinAnderland · 15/08/2026 19:42

3 months and you're bored of him already, clearly he's not the one for you OP.

AtlasCedar · 15/08/2026 19:43

exw88 · 15/08/2026 16:42

Him being on the sex offenders register never occurred to me- surely that’s a huge jump?

Not sure how you find out, I did do a Clare’s law when we started seeing each other. Would I have been told if he is a sex offender or is that a different thing?

It would only show sex offences if they related to a partner ala Domestic violence. If it was someone else… they don’t tell you.

MeganM3 · 15/08/2026 19:47

Sounds quite controlling tbh. You say he’s not selfish… but it does sound selfish if it’s him initiating all the time and making it feel like you need to.

pinkfondu · 15/08/2026 19:48

Maybe it’s the best cause you’ve never turned him down

CoffeeBotherer · 15/08/2026 19:50

I've been in some sex-centric relationships and thoroughly enjoyed them, but... this isn't healthy. Especially in this heat!

Original poster
exw88 · 15/08/2026 19:51

I’m not bored of him as a person, but yes I do find 2 hr sex sessions boring.

You’re all probably right and we are sexually mismatched.

A girl can’t win these days, it’s either men who finish too quickly, can’t finish at all or are sex addicts lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
exw88 · 15/08/2026 19:51

CoffeeBotherer · 15/08/2026 19:50

I've been in some sex-centric relationships and thoroughly enjoyed them, but... this isn't healthy. Especially in this heat!

Seriously in the heat this week I have been dying, never been so sweaty in my life. Thank god I had a break from it today Grin

OP posts:
cauldroncount · 15/08/2026 19:55

Sex before dinner, after dinner and at bed time every time he sees you?! Does it not get really boring 😂

Jokes aside you've said you don't want to have sex this much and you're sore so you need to be upfront with him that it's too much and if he's expecting it this frequently then you're not compatible

Original poster
exw88 · 15/08/2026 20:00

cauldroncount · 15/08/2026 19:55

Sex before dinner, after dinner and at bed time every time he sees you?! Does it not get really boring 😂

Jokes aside you've said you don't want to have sex this much and you're sore so you need to be upfront with him that it's too much and if he's expecting it this frequently then you're not compatible

I definitely don’t have it in me to be this spicy for between 3-6 hrs every other day Grin

OP posts:
Sodthesystem · 15/08/2026 20:28

Sounds like it’s deliberate in order to wear you down tbh. I thought that and then you mentioned he said there wasn’t much sex in the last relationship and it thought - yup. He’s training you. He’s pushing boundaries and making you feel you can’t say no or you will be “like his ex”.

Fuck that. Run for the hills.