I'm late to this thread, but just wanted to say that I do understand where you are coming from BlueRoseRedRose. I met my husband at 36, so only a couple of years younger than you. But prior to that, I'd say almost my entire adult life was spent being a bit wistful about love and really wanting to find the right person. In my late teens and twenties, I just got out and enjoyed life, did lots of traveling for work and with friends, went out lots socialising, of course with the hope of meeting someone but I never did seem to. I had a few relationships here are there but they were all fairly short, and a couple lengthy in some ways but never properly got going either, they just weren't right for me. Though I will admit, I probably was a bit fussy. By my early thirties I was then starting to worry that I wouldn't meet the right person, so I did actively try to do some online dating. I joined 'Plenty of fish' back then, which was a free one as some of my friends convinced me to try it, they were on it. I think I also joined one of the other big popular ones, can't remember the name now. I did find it all quite disheartening to be honest. But in reality I only went on a handful of dates, not that many. I then gave the online dating up for several months, maybe even more than a year, and just tried to get out a bit more with mates. But honestly by the time I was in my mid thirties, lots of my close mates were settling down. Though I did still have a few friends who were single and we did go out together now and again, but my favourite things to do were day time activities rather than going out at night looking for Mr Right (which isn't that conducive to meeting a partner anyway). I preferred reading, shopping, going out running to keep fit, afternoon tea or lunching with friends, walks in the park... None of these things were going to easily get me meeting a new partner. And the idea of joining up to random activities in the hope of meeting men just seemed ever more desperate. I didn't give up hope though.
One day I was walking through a train station at rush hour, and they were handing out leaflets for a new dating app for professional people. After a bit of deliberation I decided to join, they had a cheap intro offer. I went on 2 dates from that site and one became my husband...All I would say is that I was much more ready and willing to meet someone this time. My husband wasn't the type I usually went for. In the past I'd been attracted to guys that were full of confidence, had the gift of the gab, very charming, funny, had a certain twinkle in their eye... But they always let me down and honestly, they were "players". This time I decided to give the nice guy a go - he was quite confident still, which I liked, but in a more subtle way and initially he came across as a bit less fun and exciting than previous boyfriends. But he was nice, had a good job, his own home, was easy to have a conversation with, we had lots of good and interesting conversations, I never found our dates dull, but I always had these doubts about whether he was right for me. One doubt I had was over the fact he was divorced with an 11 year old. The other was that he almost seemed a bit too nice and straight laced. Anyway, I decided to just keep seeing him and see how things go... As in the past I would have put an end to things and moved on, if there was anything giving me doubts after a couple of dates.
After a few months of seeing each other semi regularly, a couple of things happened which meant I needed some help on a few occasions, just temporarily... Including a small injury I received. He really stepped up and helped me when I didn't have a lot of help around, without my asking or even expecting him to - he just took control and sorted things.. and honestly it was like a light switched on and I realised that he was a really good guy and it made him massively more attractive to me in many ways, and I loved that feeling of being protected and cared for as I'd not had it a lot in the past with boyfriends...any doubts about him were quickly dispelled. After that I would say everything moved quite fast. We went on holiday together and became closer, spent more time together and within another 6 months were engaged and married 9 months after that. So while I thought I'd still be single by my 40s, in reality I was married with my first child, and with another on the way before 40. Having had years and years of singlehood.
And yes, I do want to throttle him sometimes, we have big arguments now and again, mini ones on a daily basis :D - I doubt there are many people raising kids who don't have arguments. But equally it is nice to have someone have my back, to pick up the slack when you need a break, to be there when you need a cuddle or a sounding board or just need a rant about work or bitch about someone who's annoyed you... and a companion for holidays, shopping trips, and other events. So I won't patronise you by saying it's not worth having a partner, of course it's nice to have someone alongside you in life.
I really just wanted to share this with you to give you some hope that things can change quicker than you think. The very fact you don't have a body clock ticking stressing you out about having kids is a good thing, as you've already had your kids. You are still young enough to meet someone and it can be soon or it can be later, but don't give up hope, it will eventually happen I'm sure. Even if it doesn't happen as soon as you'd like, just try to enjoy life in the meantime as best you can while still saying yes to things. Because I would say that was the difference for me - I started saying yes and taking chances when I otherwise might not have. Initially I was going to throw that leaflet in the bin, I made the active decision not to... I kept making active decisions to say yes to more dates even though I wasn't that sure - there were no major red flags, but I did have a fair few doubts. So all I can suggest is keeping yourself open to it and maybe try saying yes to some things that you might otherwise say no to, on the off chance it could lead to something interesting.
(Sorry, that's a bit of an essay, it was hard to tell the full story quickly! :)