So sad I never met the one..

[BlueRoseRedRose]

I follow someone online and she has the most lovely partner who clearly adores her and worships her. I feel so sad this never happened for me and probably never will now 😔 online dating fills me with dread and the men on there are often said to be the “dregs of society” not my words! But I don’t meet men irl either so would need to look online. I feel too old Now as well to meet someone decent as was reading on another post all the decent men in their 40s will be coupled up. Has anyone ever felt this way then managed to meet someone?

You have plenty of time to meet someone if that's what you want. But you need to be resilient, brave and never compromise. Be arrogant and ruthless )) it pays xx

Edited: this advice is based on my life's experience. If I knew this when I was younger I probs would have not been so unlucky in love.

That's great you've signed up for online dating. There will be men of your age or a little bit older that will have come out of long relationships and are looking for a new partner. It only takes meeting one suitable man, just keep going until you find him.

I came out of a ten year marriage when I was 39 and had a young child. I told myself I would be alone for the rest of my life. Of necessity, I went back to work - which was actually pretty stressful in itself. In the office I gradually got friendly with this lovely professional single man a bit younger than me and started going out with him. We've been married for over 30 years now. I never thought for one moment all those years ago that it would happen and I would be so happy.

I think people have developed so much by their late 30's/early 40's - know themselves better, so when you do meet someone the chances of a successful relationship are much higher. Just because one relationship fails, it doesn't mean there's actually anything wrong with that person, it just happens sometimes.

I would say your age, 38, is prime time for you to achieve your heart's desire of a relationship with a good man who is suitable for you. Try not to over-think it, go on a few dates with an open mind and see how it goes.

I think the thing is, there are going to be some nice men out there that are also looking for the right person also to settle down with. Not all men are a total disaster zone, although I know there are many when online dating. But if you keep going with it, at least you are still out there trying and eventually you will hopefully find the right one. I know my husband said that he was worried about online dating when he signed up too and wasn't overly keen on it, but like me, saw it as the only way to perhaps find someone. He came out of a relationship with a doctor who was very high flying and arrogant and lied to him all the time about everything (at least that's what I've been told, and I do believe him - the doctor bit is definitely true). So he was quite hesitant to get back out there before he joined an online dating site. I would say we were finding our feet with each other early on. But he knew he wanted to settled down, it had been more than 5 years since he divorced and he wanted to try finding the right person for him again and not be lonely. There will be other men in similar situations. Hopefully a nice man for you is out there, waiting to click with the right person. You definitely are still young enough OP,.don't give op hope. x

following

I think the thing is, there are going to be some nice men out there that are also looking for the right person also to settle down with.

But by 40, they'd already be in a committed relationship. It's not really possible for a normal man not to find someone if they really want to. Or if on the rare chance they were single, they could easily find a woman aged 28-30. So why would a 40 year old woman be their choice?

Because some men aren't as shallow as posters on here think they are.

I know several men in their 30s and 40s who are single. They've come out of long term relationships or just never met their one and are happily getting on with life. There is nothing wrong with them and they don't want to date someone in their 20s. They would actually make someone a good husband.

Not every man single at 40 has issues or wants to date a 20 something, just like there are lots of women at 40 with issues who date 20 something men.

Even when I was dating I was seeing men my age, and no they didn't have issues, they had come out of long term relationships/marriages and actually wanted someone who matched them not some 25 year old just out of university and starting life.

I don't mean they'd choose a 22 year old necessarily, but yeah obviously they'd choose a 30-35 year old woman who doesn't have kids. Not a 40 year old who does. It's not about being shallow but it just makes sense. I don't even blame them.

And what if they have their own kids?

Men in their 40s will most likely have their own kids so doesnt this only apply to women in their 40s?

I think it is very hard to find 'the one' at a later age in life as most men remaining in the dating pool are not so eligible. There are mainly bad men left.

@BlueRoseRedRose you are still young though, I think its a good age to meet someone. I have a friend who met someone at work, a younger man around 8 years younger. He actually has given up any chance to have kids as my friend doesnt want more than the 1 she has. Hes an amazing step dad, and dotes on my friend. Interestingly he wouldn't have been someone id have been interested in as hes very young/has no edge to him like id always liked in a partner. I guess im saying you should always keep your mind open.

I would feel the same as you though, and I hate when people say just enjoy things alone.

My only advice is you have age on your side so keep looking.

Well that poster is insisting no man would want a 40 year old mum 😒 I don’t really want a younger man I prefer men older than me tbh but looks like they will all want 20 year olds 🤷‍♀️

I didn't say no one would, but yes, I think it's harder for a 40 year old woman, to meet a same age man. That's my experience. Not sure why you're annoyed by me saying that, that's what you started this thread to complain about, I'm agreeing with you!

Well the way you put it was rather harsh with your “I don’t blame them” Like im damaged goods, felt an unnecessary add on.

I'm a 40 year old mum dating, and that's just my experience.

We aren't damaged goods, but woman aged 40 who haven't met "the one" have either had kids, or decided not to have them, or made peace with not having them. Men aged 40 aren't in that position. They can easily attract a 30 year old and have a family. I guess I don't blame them for choosing that option. Rather than being with me and missing out.

But if you've found that's not the case, and there's loads of great guys out there for us, that's great. I hope I meet one too.

And there will be men that have kids and dont want anymore so won’t choose a childless 20/30 year old that does

Yeah of course there are.

I guess there's no issue then. But why then do you feel sad and think you won't meet someone?

From the OP:
I feel so sad this never happened for me and probably never will now

My post is about it never happening when I was younger, I don’t think it will happen now as dating in 40s+ doesnt look great but I didn’t think that’s because I have kids, most people my age will including men.

What a confusing thread. So are you saying there's loads of great guys and dating at 40 is easy, or the opposite?

It's not to do with having kids, it's about being 40. Not many good guys are left, and those that are will choose younger woman. That's my experience (I'm a bit older than you, I'm 41). Maybe your experience will be different. I hope it is.

It’s not confusing, im sad I never met anyone when I was younger to build a life with and share that with approaching 40 feels like that has slipped away now

I know people meet someone at 40 and beyond, and I know it’s not literally too late. It just feels too late to me. I wish I’d met someone when I was younger, when I had all those years ahead of me to build a life together. Now I’m approaching 40 and it feels like I’ve missed that chance and that the life I thought I’d have has just passed me by.
And then you constantly hear people saying how awful dating is in your 40s, how few decent men are left, how difficult it is to meet anyone etc, and honestly that doesn’t exactly make me feel hopeful 😂. I know that might not be everyone’s experience, but when you already feel like you’ve left it too late, hearing all of that just makes you feel even more like you’ve missed your chance.
So when I say I feel like I’ll never meet “the one”, I don’t mean I think nobody will ever want me because I’m nearly 40. It’s more that I’m sad I didn’t meet someone when I was younger and get to have that whole life with them. Now it feels like I’m starting from scratch at an age where I should already have had all of that

Meeting “the one” at 40 feels too late

Rubbish!
I have young children.
My DP has none, Hes over 10 years younger than me
(You wouldnt know)