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Relationships

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So sad I never met the one..

268 replies

BlueRoseRedRose · 08/08/2026 13:07

I follow someone online and she has the most lovely partner who clearly adores her and worships her. I feel so sad this never happened for me and probably never will now 😔 online dating fills me with dread and the men on there are often said to be the “dregs of society” not my words! But I don’t meet men irl either so would need to look online. I feel too old Now as well to meet someone decent as was reading on another post all the decent men in their 40s will be coupled up. Has anyone ever felt this way then managed to meet someone?

OP posts:
category12 · 08/08/2026 13:15

Maybe you need to stop following that person on SM - you'll only be seeing a selective snapshot of their lives.

Do you have an active social life? Maybe you need to switch it up a bit and do some different things with your leisure time, just generally as well as to meet men?

People recommend the burnt haystack method with online dating.

ScallopShelled · 08/08/2026 13:19

YABU to think anyone posting on SM gives anything like a a real, warts and all depiction of their life.

BlueRoseRedRose · 08/08/2026 13:20

I knew someone would say that but I don’t agree, some people are just happy not all men are awful behind closed doors

OP posts:
BlueRoseRedRose · 08/08/2026 13:21

Not every relationship is awful some people are just happy and it doesn't help me to put other people down

OP posts:
aliasfrog · 08/08/2026 13:22

Honestly OP I would focus just on yourself. If a man comes along, great, but I think you'll be infinitely better off if you find happiness and contentment within yourself. You also risk finding bad men if you are desperate to find someone.
They're often more trouble than they're worth anyway, you've seen the threads on this website.
Focus on YOU and have a complete life on your own, is my advice.

Sam1000 · 08/08/2026 13:23

Everyone I’ve known who looks like they have the perfect relationship on sm has turned out to be a sham once I’ve got to know them better. Try not to compare.

BlueRoseRedRose · 08/08/2026 13:24

Sam1000 · 08/08/2026 13:23

Everyone I’ve known who looks like they have the perfect relationship on sm has turned out to be a sham once I’ve got to know them better. Try not to compare.

Im not comparing im happy for both of them just wish I had managed to find it for myself

OP posts:
Ileithyia · 08/08/2026 13:25

Firstly, as PP said, unfollow the Instagram couple, it’s guaranteed to all be fake and staged, and not real life at all.

Secondly, you don’t need ‘the one’ to live a full happy life. Romance is portrayed as the big dream, but often it’s quite disappointing, the higher the highs the lower the lows tend to be, and that giddy butterflies feeling is infatuation, not love, and often very misleading.

There are many kinds of ‘soul mate’ and they don’t need to be a romantic partner. If you are lonely you need to find your tribe, join some hobby groups for things you genuinely enjoy, or try some new things, maybe archery, or a language evening class, and make friends that have stuff in common with you. Don’t search for ‘the one’, just open your life up to like minded people and see where your life takes you.

BlueRoseRedRose · 08/08/2026 13:25

Ileithyia · 08/08/2026 13:25

Firstly, as PP said, unfollow the Instagram couple, it’s guaranteed to all be fake and staged, and not real life at all.

Secondly, you don’t need ‘the one’ to live a full happy life. Romance is portrayed as the big dream, but often it’s quite disappointing, the higher the highs the lower the lows tend to be, and that giddy butterflies feeling is infatuation, not love, and often very misleading.

There are many kinds of ‘soul mate’ and they don’t need to be a romantic partner. If you are lonely you need to find your tribe, join some hobby groups for things you genuinely enjoy, or try some new things, maybe archery, or a language evening class, and make friends that have stuff in common with you. Don’t search for ‘the one’, just open your life up to like minded people and see where your life takes you.

Thanks but I want a partner not friends (I have friends)

OP posts:
category12 · 08/08/2026 13:27

BlueRoseRedRose · 08/08/2026 13:21

Not every relationship is awful some people are just happy and it doesn't help me to put other people down

It's not putting anyone down to say social media is curated and not the full picture.

It's just true.

ScallopShelled · 08/08/2026 13:28

BlueRoseRedRose · 08/08/2026 13:21

Not every relationship is awful some people are just happy and it doesn't help me to put other people down

Absolutely. I’m happily married myself, but you wouldn’t know it from my Instagram, which is mostly about sunsets and graffiti. No one is suggesting that everyone is miserable, only that SM posts are by their nature a poor guide to someone’s relationship or life, and this person you’re following isn’t adding to your happiness.

fifySix82 · 08/08/2026 13:28

There will definitely be men and women on dating sites that are not great, same In real life. But there will also be men in there 40s who genuinely want to have a good relationship. I met my now husband online dating, he was 37 I was 33.

ScallopShelled · 08/08/2026 13:29

BlueRoseRedRose · 08/08/2026 13:24

Im not comparing im happy for both of them just wish I had managed to find it for myself

Edited

Well, how hard did you look? Where and how did you look? Have you dated and/or had relationships in the past?

BlueRoseRedRose · 08/08/2026 13:31

ScallopShelled · 08/08/2026 13:29

Well, how hard did you look? Where and how did you look? Have you dated and/or had relationships in the past?

Well of course I looked but all my relationships ended for one reason or another

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YouSawBrigadoon · 08/08/2026 13:31

You’re allowed to wallow. It’s hard to meet someone when you’re older. That’s a fact.

My brother in law is 50. Wealthy, kind, good looking. He’d have loved nothing more than a wife and some kids. It never happened for him. He accepts it now probably never will.

ScallopShelled · 08/08/2026 13:34

BlueRoseRedRose · 08/08/2026 13:31

Well of course I looked but all my relationships ended for one reason or another

There’s no ‘of course’ about it! There are regular posts on here from Mners who are virgins who have never so much as kissed another person, and have never dated, trying to figure out where to start. Which is why I asked.

BlueRoseRedRose · 08/08/2026 13:38

ScallopShelled · 08/08/2026 13:34

There’s no ‘of course’ about it! There are regular posts on here from Mners who are virgins who have never so much as kissed another person, and have never dated, trying to figure out where to start. Which is why I asked.

Ok ive not come across many almost 40 year old virgins never realised it was that common.

OP posts:
CypressMoon · 08/08/2026 13:41

I could be wrong, but I have never known a relationship that is blasted over social media as 'perfect' to be happy in real life. Most happy people have no need to create a public narrative about how strong their relationship is. So don't focus on it too much. Even if the relationship is truly happy, SM doesn't show the whole picture - the morning breath and grime rings on the bath, the irritability or exhaustion, the small misunderstandings, the poor taste in clothes or food or music or friends or home decor or holidays, the annoying habits that absolutely everyone in every relationship has to put up with.

You would be better off ditching the black and white thinking: Their relationship is perfect, my future is doomed, all men on OLD are rubbish etc. None of these are facts. All of them are opinions based on little to no evidence.

If you want to meet someone, start by getting out doing things you truly love, so you stand a better chance of meeting a man with similar interests. A friend of mine met an absolutely gorgeous man at a dance retreat she'd expected to be full of women only. Other friends have met men at music gigs, at conservation meetings to protect the local stretch of river. They are just out in the world, doing what they love, and that is attractive to men. A couple of friends just met men on OLD by being very clear about what they were looking for, and who they were.

It is never too late to meet 'the one'. A good friend recently married, in her sixties, after decades alone. Years ago she described her perfect man to me, and he literally fits her ideal. Worth waiting for.

Another friend is happy with a very lovely man she met in her mid sixties. He's literally tall, handsome, kind, creative and a multimillionaire. After his marriage broke up, he was too busy working, and travelling for work, to meet anyone, until he retired, and now he has, he wants to spend his time,and money, on having an incredible life with my friend. Also worth waiting for.

Disturbia81 · 08/08/2026 13:42

Loads of people divorce/end long relationships in 40s and become available. I’ve met the love of my life in my 40s. I’ve found it a better time to meet people as people have grown up and know what’s important.

Parky04 · 08/08/2026 13:45

YouSawBrigadoon · 08/08/2026 13:31

You’re allowed to wallow. It’s hard to meet someone when you’re older. That’s a fact.

My brother in law is 50. Wealthy, kind, good looking. He’d have loved nothing more than a wife and some kids. It never happened for him. He accepts it now probably never will.

There you go OP. He sounds ideal!

HappiestSleeping · 08/08/2026 13:46

@BlueRoseRedRose my wife and I didn't find each other until we were in our 40s. First time for both of us.

Dery · 08/08/2026 13:47

I’m probably being a bit literal but i think looking for “the one” is always going to raise issues because it suggests there’s one perfect partner who will tick every box and no-one else will do. I feel the same when women say they haven’t met their Price Charming. You’re following the carefully curated images projected by a couple on social media which again plays into this finding “the one” image.

I think for most people there are a number of people in life with whom they could build a long-term relationship and the one we do settle down with can often be based on timing and life stages. These partners bring a lot of good into our lives and tick most boxes but they’re not perfect because no-one is.

You say you’ve had relationships but they’ve ended for various reasons. Perhaps those have been very valid reasons and/or unavoidable. Or it may be that you’ve had slightly unrealistic expectations of those relationships. I know people who have met great partners in their 40s and 50s. You’re obviously able to have relationships and you may well yet meet someone but it might be worth considering whether your approach is ruling out very good partner candidates.

Sorry if I’m wildly off-beam, which is very possible.

CypressMoon · 08/08/2026 13:48

YouSawBrigadoon · 08/08/2026 13:31

You’re allowed to wallow. It’s hard to meet someone when you’re older. That’s a fact.

My brother in law is 50. Wealthy, kind, good looking. He’d have loved nothing more than a wife and some kids. It never happened for him. He accepts it now probably never will.

Wow. I'm sure it's not too late for a man of 50 to find a wife and have a family.

BlueRoseRedRose · 08/08/2026 13:49

Dery · 08/08/2026 13:47

I’m probably being a bit literal but i think looking for “the one” is always going to raise issues because it suggests there’s one perfect partner who will tick every box and no-one else will do. I feel the same when women say they haven’t met their Price Charming. You’re following the carefully curated images projected by a couple on social media which again plays into this finding “the one” image.

I think for most people there are a number of people in life with whom they could build a long-term relationship and the one we do settle down with can often be based on timing and life stages. These partners bring a lot of good into our lives and tick most boxes but they’re not perfect because no-one is.

You say you’ve had relationships but they’ve ended for various reasons. Perhaps those have been very valid reasons and/or unavoidable. Or it may be that you’ve had slightly unrealistic expectations of those relationships. I know people who have met great partners in their 40s and 50s. You’re obviously able to have relationships and you may well yet meet someone but it might be worth considering whether your approach is ruling out very good partner candidates.

Sorry if I’m wildly off-beam, which is very possible.

They all ended it with me so nothing about me looking for the perfect relationship

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ToadRage · 08/08/2026 13:53

It could still happen and honestly try OLD. My mum is now in her 60's but she was 49 when my Dad died and she met her partner online a few years later. They now live together and are very happy. It can work as long as you are sensible and selective. Don't give away too much to soon, if they ask you for money stop talking to them immediately and if you want to meet them choose a neutral place.