So sad I never met the one..

[BlueRoseRedRose]

I follow someone online and she has the most lovely partner who clearly adores her and worships her. I feel so sad this never happened for me and probably never will now 😔 online dating fills me with dread and the men on there are often said to be the “dregs of society” not my words! But I don’t meet men irl either so would need to look online. I feel too old Now as well to meet someone decent as was reading on another post all the decent men in their 40s will be coupled up. Has anyone ever felt this way then managed to meet someone?

It is never too late, OP. I'm in my sixties and extremely happily single, but, for some reason, I am beating men off with a stick! I have recently had two very nice men try to line me up to be their partner and I've had to back away slowly as that was not what I wanted at all.

I am not a looker, plain as a pikestaff! I wish all these men had been around when I was a lonely and neglected twenty-something.

So don't give up. I think these men saw me being happy and doing my own thing (met one while dog walking, the other was a friend of a friend) and liked that I didn't look as though I needed a man to make my life complete.

lol then why comment, you are one of the lucky ones then aren’t you that you met someone without looking

It's known as, ' I'm alright Jack'

no I doubt it as I do internet dating was hoping to meet someone naturally but hasn’t happened of course i dont wear a shirt saying that 😂

Respectfully, OP, you didn’t specify that you only wanted replies from people who were either unhappily single or whose search for a relationship had been long and/or difficult. You do seem quite defeatist and very snappy, though, judging by your replies on this thread. which I can’t imagine endears you to people.

I think there’s a lot of smug couples here assuming you haven’t looked / are too picky / expected to find a prince!! You have my complete sympathy- I know some genuinely very happy couples, and I’m delighted for them - but seeing that and suspecting ( now in my 60s; one relationship I thought was “ the one” but turned v sour) that it will just not happen now makes me wistful. I think as you get older it’s also v v difficult, albeit unintentionally, not to give off mega independent vibes ( prob due to necessity!!) which subliminally puts potential partners off. I’d love a partner - not marriage- but a genuine partnership and all that brings- but most older men are also looking a couple of decades younger !! ( the blind or speed dating / dinner events I’ve been to I’ve been hit on by 80 year olds who are in want of a nurse/ purse or both!!!)

But you've more chance of meeting a partner if you socialise, i.e. "friends of friends" etc. Don't close your mind. Think of it as networking. The more people you know, the more people you'll know "by association".

Yes I am aware but making friends as an adult isnt easy and the times friends have tried to set me up it has been with people I didn’t find attractive

Thank you, yes I have no idea why people who are happily coupled up and have no experience of spending years alone and losing hope are even bothering to comment.

I met 'the one'. But long term, the relationship didn't work. There are no guarantees even if you find the right person for you.

Step away from Social Media your life will be so much better for it or be a bit more picky in who you follow.

The only people I follow on social media are friends, the odd rugby and football player, some Gladiators (watching their workouts is fascinating) and that's about it, oh and Harry Potter done with cats!

Also you'll get the usual responses about joining groups and making friends but it doesn't always work like that.

You get the odd gem on OLD, yes they are few but they are on there . I met one, it didn't last but he was lovely and what I needed, he showed me good men are out there (and he was hot and intelligent).

But I get where you're coming from. I think people who have met the one forget that others aren't quite so lucky.

Read “Solitude” by Anthony Storr. Alone doesn’t have to mean empty and it doesn’t have to mean lonely. Your life has richness and value, with or without anyone else.

That said, loneliness is very very hard.

I would say accept your fate and when you accept it, you can properly enjoy yourself. Perhaps then a man might turn up who’s right for you, when you least expect it.

I see a ton of divorced middle aged women who when you ask why they’ve divorced say their man was cheating or left them for a younger woman. Or they say their husband was a selfish, useless lump who did nothing around the house, or helped with the kids, living separate lives, totally exhausted.

initially these women get all excited about being free to find someone new, they do this joining clubs, getting out there, dating online, friends of friends match-making.

Then after a while on online dating, it becomes a horror show of men with criminal records looking for money or a home or skivvy to look after them whilst they chase younger women, men already married looking for free sex, men with several women on the go just looking for cheap sex. Weirdos, mentally ill men, men with addiction issues etc. Essentially, all the good men are taken by that stage and the ones left you want to avoid.

Some of these women want companionship, but men just wanting sex or a nurse with a purse.

eventually the more intelligent women just accept life and get a dog as company. They are the women who are fulfilled.

I would add that a family friend in her 70s who is 3 times divorced and very chatty and vivacious went on a cruise and literally brazenly plonked herself at the table of a recently widowed man who was sitting there with his 3 daughters. She started chatting him up, by the end of the cruise they were in touch. She moved out of her home into his home and they live as man and wife, she rents out her home. That’s been going on 10 years. He looks absolutely delighted with her.

another female friend in a 40 year marriage husband died. Within 3 years, she married his brother who was also widowed from his wife, so her nieces are now her step daughters.

in life you see all sorts of unusual set-ups, so I would encourage you to keep an open mInd. Situations can come out of nowhere.

Does he live anywhere near OP? Wouldn't that be good! I hope both your bil and OP meet someone its never too late and never give up!

50s is a bit too old for me Personally I probably wouldn’t date someone 10+ years older and thats not me being fussy

I have a single very handsome guy friend who’s 50 (looks 30) and is intelligent and rich, interesting conversations, hard working and talented. What’s the catch?

He’s a serial cheater & narcissist. Self-obsessed. Vain. Fake.

very charming man. Easily lures in women of all ages. He’s never married. Has 2 kids from 2 different short term relationships. Gets easily bored. He’s terrified of getting married as every partner he’s had has walked away, so he doesn’t want to lose all his money.

ironically enough, when you speak to him, underneath it all he’s absolutely desperate to settle down with true love. But in reality that’s just never going to happen. He’s chasing women in their 20s.
I can see him being a sad old man using hookers.

Well they are surely commenting because they have experience of finding and keeping a partner ..which is what you want? I don’t think you want to listen though but I’ll try -
Your feelings are understandable but your attitude isn’t helping you. You’re 38 so you have plenty of time to find a partner. Try some new hobbies or go somewhere new FOR YOURSELF. People don’t always ‘find’ partners, they just get confident and independent and happy as a single person and this will be attractive. I hope you find someone x

I can’t find anyone who wants to marry me or have children with me either. I’m in a relationship and hoping he still wants to get married one day and won’t change their mind like the rest have! I feel you OP. the only time I was pregnant it was with an awful man and never went all the way. Three years ago. I’m 30 and would love to be someone’s wife.

No they are not they are smugly commenting when they have no idea how lonely and isolating it is and being told “how hard did you look” not accepting that sometimes it just doesn’t happen for some people! If you have no experience of being single and lonely for years and you met your husband at uni i dont really Know what advice you can offer as it clearly isnt your experience other than to tell someone they haven’t looked hard enough

How old are you OP? I met my person online dating at 38 and married at 40 - we were not spring chickens compared to many - it could still happen!

and no one who has spent years alone and never managed to find someone wants to be told they just didn’t look hard enough, it’s really tone deaf

I agree. I’m 55 and have been single most of my life and not due to lack of trying or “looking”. I’ve done dating ads, online dating, speed dating, dating agencies, joined meetup groups, volunteered, taken classes, and have worked at a dozen companies in different positions and nothing. Well there were 2 men that I met online, one I dated for a couple of years until he cheated and last one who was about a decade ago was toxic. Since then there has been no one.

So I’ve tried everything and nothing worked for me. I’m old now and although I would love to find my person, I’m starting to accept that my fate is most likely to be single.

however at your age I think there are still time to meet someone. You’re still young and there are good available men in that age range so don’t give up.

Thanks, I tried and tried when I was younger to meet someone but all I met was men that only wanted sex, I haven’t had many relationships and they only lasted a couple of years, I don’t feel young anymore im approaching 40 i dont feel young at all.

Dating in your 40s is like turning up to the Boxing Day sales on 3rd January.

😢