So sad I never met the one..

[BlueRoseRedRose]

I follow someone online and she has the most lovely partner who clearly adores her and worships her. I feel so sad this never happened for me and probably never will now 😔 online dating fills me with dread and the men on there are often said to be the “dregs of society” not my words! But I don’t meet men irl either so would need to look online. I feel too old Now as well to meet someone decent as was reading on another post all the decent men in their 40s will be coupled up. Has anyone ever felt this way then managed to meet someone?

You might meet someone special yet OP, from your post I initially assumed you were going to say you were like 90 tbh! You've got time. My fiancée was pushing 50 when he went on the apps & we met, got engaged after a year. It can happen for sure, don't lose heart x

I read constant posts on here about how terrible it is to date in your 40s and how any decent man is taken and married by then (they said the same for men in their 50s) so I guess what I mean is I’m sad I didn’t meet someone when I was younger. Some people find their person from a very young and don’t have to go through all the crap and trying to meet someone decent, this couple have been together since high school.

Oh honey. There is only one 'the one' and that's you.

Therapy?

I couldn’t really afford private therapy and I don’t think it’s the answer to everything. I was with my ex for a few years and the other men were in my 20s lol I have now been single for a number of years as haven’t met anyone.

just read another post “I imagine most men in their 40s are single because they have commitment issues or some other negative traits” 🤦🏻‍♀️

This^

I think a lot of these posts are a bit harsh and missing the point.

There are certain parts of yourself that don't really have anywhere to go or any way to be expressed as they're intimate and relational so they bounce off a partner. I think it's very fair for op to want that in her life and it doesn't mean she's in any way lacking independence or resilience. Being single long term can be exhausting let's be honest when compared against a genuinely healthy and loving supportive relationship.

Op I would say that if you're only 40s you're still actually quite young in the grand scheme of things. Loads of people (myself included) are starting over at 40. Personally I can't stand dating apps either because you really do get the bad with the good. I also prefer the idea of meeting someone in real life but I accept that might mean it takes longer to happen.

Yes, making new friends is difficult and takes effort. Who said it was easy?

It's not impossible though, and getting out & doing different things with new people will open possibilities for you socially and potentially romantically.

It's self-defeating to complain you don't meet men and think online dating is terrible, yet won't get out of your comfort zone. Men clearly aren't beating a path to your door on their own.

I’m going to try online again I just felt disheartened after seeing some posts on here about how terrible single mum are in their 40s

Thank you for getting it

OP, I've never met "the one" either. I spent 20 years looking and then gave up.
But I have a fabulous son, a career, a lovely home, an "adequate" pension.
I have friends and siblings and a good life.

I regard myself as very lucky. So many of my married friends and family are not happy. They stay because financially they have no choice.

I see selfish, lazy, abusive men frequently and thank my lucky stars I never felt desperate to conform. Be grateful for your freedom and your independence. There is a lot to be said for it.

No, but genuinely happy couples that have been in it for the longterm tend to keep their relationship private, not perform it on social media.

Yes but some people meet young and still end up splitting and starting all over again, divorce, kids, splitting of assets, very stressful!

I have started over twice.....a divorce, 1 child, then another, selling family home....3rd time lucky at 40..... he is the best partner ive ever had. I wasnt looking. Neither was he.
I was fulfilled with my children and my friends and my work and my hobbies and then boom he appeared after 4 years of being single

It can happen!

But dont be niave and think others have had it easy because they met someone when they were young....its no guarantee of it lasting

I disagree.
I put some things of our relationship on social media, because im proud of him and us. And that is what all my friends do too, and they also arent in shit relationships with shit men

Yes i dont post how my kids drive me mad sometimes, or how I get annoyed when he wants toast out of the toaster without a plate and the crumbs go everywhere but thats minor petty stuff, it doesnt mean he isnt a great man 🤷‍♀️

I think I’ve given up hope of ever meeting someone now but thanks all for the comments and glad it worked out for others and you managed to meet someone 🙂 I like seeing others happy so I will continue to follow them as I think they are great and I enjoy their content.

In all honesty, you just need to leave your house for the opportunity to meet someone to happen.

I wasn't going to divulge this but in light of your update, here goes...

I held a shop door open for someone on Friday; there was a guy that had to wait while the person I held the door open for exited. The guy then struck up a few minutes long conversation with me (I was holding some flowers). He said he hoped I wasn't buying flowers for myself (I actually was 🫣) but I said I was buying them for my Mum 🤷 !!!??
I was in the queue ahead of him and he wanted to buy me some flowers for doing a good deed. I obviously declined. Then he started telling me he was going to the new coffee shop afterwards... at which point I got to the front of the queue.
The shop lady was positively giddy! 😁 It was as though she thought she was witnessing a budding romance!

It was a nice confidence boost - and potentially this could have gone on to a chat over coffee.

So what I'm trying to say is, you never know where or when you might meet someone - but you need to leave you home x

What is more sad than you not meeting ‘the one’ is that you sound like you’ve given up! Don’t do that, if you want to find someone you can, i understand your views on online dating but just to give you some inspiration, i met my now wife on on a dating site, we’ve been together 20 years and been married for almost 5 years now. There is someone out there for you, drop your guard a bit and go find your Mr Right.

Plenty men in their 40's are coming out of miserable relationships they put up with for the sake of the kids.

You are giving off a negative vibe though so maybe work on being happy as a single first as a man can't make you happy if you aren't already happy in yourself.

Me too OP, me too.

After 25 years together I found out my marriage was a sham. Too late now to find someone and build a proper life and family with.

No it’s honestly ok, I know my lot is done now, I probably wouldn’t want a man with young kids just divorced i have teens and done my time raising kids. I don’t mind if people Think I sound negative? I said im happy for them and enjoy watching them but apparently im negative lol ok

"Well, how hard did you look?" Seriously? The op isn't looking for a cure for cancer! Out of interest, scallop, how hard did you look ?

I felt that way and found a nice man but it’s not the answer to life’s problems.

I didn’t look at all. I met my husband at university. I’m not sure what that has to do with the OP, though.

This is good advice, you will be far more attractive to nice men if you can find a way to feel more positive about your lot. Moping is understandable up to a point but very counterproductive. Even if you look at wanting to meet someone purely strategically, giving off happy independent vibes will give you the edge. It's a lot of pressure on a new partner to have to be "the one" to make you happy. You might be scaring people off that would be interested otherwise.

Yes, exactly. It's not a question of looking, it's a question of finding. And since you found your partner so young, you never had to look.

If you meet THE one and lose the one, it's far more devastating though than men that you still loved but not quite like THE one. Just my personal view. The older I get the more I keep my heart slightly guarded... I know that's probably not good. Regarding dating when you're older, I think it's mostly a numbers game. Not easy, but thick skin, block those men straight away that are not right and move on. But yeah, not always easy I know.