So sad I never met the one..

[BlueRoseRedRose]

I follow someone online and she has the most lovely partner who clearly adores her and worships her. I feel so sad this never happened for me and probably never will now 😔 online dating fills me with dread and the men on there are often said to be the “dregs of society” not my words! But I don’t meet men irl either so would need to look online. I feel too old Now as well to meet someone decent as was reading on another post all the decent men in their 40s will be coupled up. Has anyone ever felt this way then managed to meet someone?

Hi @BlueRoseRedRose I think youve had a lot of unnecessary grief here. Its totally normal to want a partner and miss what you feel youve never had. You can be happy single, independent, with friends family and a great social life and still yearn for your person.

So i just wanted to give you a bit of moral support there and to also to say i met an amazing man when I was 40, he is unlike anyone else ive been in a relationship with, the Kindest, affectionate, thoughtful and emotionally mature/intelligent, hard working, literally the whole package, and i had two children in tow! So it absolutely can happen!

Also just to say to people who say SM never gives a real impression and people post hiding a reality or to make out its better than it is....i post about us on my SM, and it really is as good as it looks......why do i post? Because im bloody proud of him and us 🤷‍♀️ and for the memories when we look back at all the things weve done together ❤️

The person you follow wouldn’t be able to sell their brand of perfect husband and wife if l their arguments and all the little annoyances that go on in their marriage were broadcast

Of course you can want to find a loving relationship op. People are obtuse and frankly annoying when they say banal things like ' just be happy with yourself '. Humans like love and being in relationships it's our nature.

I mean this kindly but what work have you done on yourself ? After a few relationships thst ended painfully for me I had a year of therapy and honestly it changed my life

I was able to see how my childhood patterns and beliefs were impacting my behaviour in relationships and my choice of partners.

Nobody here can analyse it for you but I promise on life any deep unhappiness Is worth talking through in therapy

Other than that..you need to maximise the number of men you meet ! Be social go places take risks. See it in a positive light thsy even when you aren't dating you can be enjoying life anyway

Honestly "the one" is an illusion.

In the end we most of us choose someone we fell in love/lust with and then compromise for the rest of our lives - most of us quite happily as we know life is never perfect.

I honestly think that whet you ae seeing from your friend is not the whole story - it never is.

Thanks to those thats understand. I know there is a big push to be single now a days but I still think it’s human nature to want and desire a relationship and feel sad if that doesn't happen for you, I always wanted to find my person but as time is passing it’s looking less likely and hard Not to give up hope of it happening.

Why have previous partners ended things with you?

Is there a pattern?

Various reasons but I don’t want to go into them all but last one was he had a mental health issue, I tried to stick with him and support him but he didn’t want that so things ended.

Exactly this. The only person I know who is unhappily married is constantly posting loved-up photos of herself and her husband grinning happily on social media.
None of the rest of us, who have fairly solid marriages, do this.

One was long distance and he felt the distance was too much so he ended it for that reason. So just various different things

Social media is not real life. More often than not it's a carefully curated snapshot and not an accurate depiction of a real relationship at all.

For what it's worth, I don't believe in the one. There's more than one person for everyone! You meet someone, you fall in love, but to stay together takes compromise, resilience, work, time, forgiveness, giving each other grace, support and space. Both partners have to be willing to try and to start over again and again.

It's not wrong to want to find a partner in life but if you are happy in yourself and have a fulfilling life, I think you're more likely to attract the right person. Someone who is happy to be with a strong confident independent woman and not looking to control or leach off you. Nasty men look for vulnerable women and are very good at appearing charming and presenting what they sense you want.

There are decent men out there and you have a good chance of meeting one - I have many friends who met their partners online so while it's good to be cautious, I would say go for it. Have some dates, have some fun and see what happens!

I used to work closely with a couple who have the sort of social media feed that looks like works. Money, holiday and parties. He made a pass at me and I left. You would never know looking at their sm. He says she’s wonderful and all that 😳

Please dont give up. I would have hated to soend my life alone without a husband, so I understand 100% why you feel the way you do.

If it's any consolation, I had far more offers to go out with men when I was in my 40's and 50's than I ever did when I was younger....sadly I had already married.😆
But the point is just because you are older it doesn't mean that many men will not be interested. You have had relationships previously, you will surely have them (or a special one) in the future, I am sure.

You’ve posted about this numerous times in the past.

Kindly OP, your relationship status isn’t the problem here. Your sense of self-worth is. Wanting a partner because you don’t want to be alone is the wrong mindset. You’ve got to be comfortable with yourself first. Then any partner just adds value.

Sorry but I have not posted numerous time so maybe you have me confused with someone else! And even if I had theres no law on that you don’t have to comment?

there really is not the one or a soulmate - that is just claptrap pedalled to you. tbh you have to be happy alone before foisting yourself on someone else. Don't wait to be rescued by some hero cos he really does not exist.

OP, I say this with a hug to you. The concept of "the one" is total nonsense. Our generation were fed steady diet about "the one".

I'm also in my early forties and had at least three "the ones". The current one and I are on the outs and have been for a long time after nearly 15 years. If I was to narrow down and pick of the three, he is now loving life in a different country.

What you see on social media is not real life at all.

And those we know or hear about in their 60s, 70s, 80s of decades together, the majority imo are not happy and for the women, worse. My 80+ nan told me a couple of years ago she'd never had an orgasm after two very long marriages, one very bad and one we all viewed and adored to a man as "the one".

The one doesn't exist, I'm sorry. Stop paying attention to this friend on social media and try to enjoy life.

I really feel for you.

I finally met someone when I was 35 after thinking I would never meet the right person. I fell head over heels in love and thought he felt the same. Sadly, he has decided he doesn't want a relationship with me or anyone else. I completely adore him and we are the very best friends.

But now, at almost 40, I'm in the position of dating and trying to find someone I click with and love just as much.

I understand your feelings about online dating. I hate it. And so many of the men are awful. I've met some lovely guys over the last few years, though. Unfortunately, they haven't been for me, but they have given me hope.

I do hope you find the right person because I know how hard it is when you've never experienced it. I'm right there with you.

This in spades.

Hey OP,

I understand this. Do you like dogs? If you do and you’ve never had one - get one. This is not meant as a replacement partner but I really wish someone had made me get a dog earlier in life when I was single for many years. A dog changed my life immediately for the better. The loneliness disappeared like magic and even though I still wanted to meet someone, I found a peace and happiness and way of life that I was so happy with. I did meet someone eventually and because I already had my dog, I was so much more myself and confident. I worried way less about the relationship not working out - because my dog gave me so much love. My now husband adored my dog and I decided that if a date did not bother to get to know my dog, I’d drop them. I lost my dog recently, after 16 blissful years with him. There are days I think I’d trade my lovely husband just to have the dog back for a week. I don’t really mean, I’m kinda joking, but dogs bring people into your life and they seem to attract the right sort of people. I know if my husband ever leaves or something happens to
him, I’ll be fine because I’ll go get a new puppy and start up my next new dog love affair.

I don’t like dogs sorry I have cats though but they don’t change how I feel. I already cleared up the one I mean the one for me not a soul mate etc just finding your person

I'm lucky, had 3 maybe 4 loves, but still profess the love(s) of my life to be my children! That said, do you not think that maybe the one (concept of the one) can pertain to a non-sexual relationship? As I definitely have a one that is purely friendship, despite both of us liking females. How about that, for you?

No I have friends but it’s not the same besides they are all in relationships and dont like playing the 3rd wheel

I'm 54 and Ive yet to meet the one, I'm ever hopeful.

@48. (the males age)

But wishes we’d met sooner, in 2014 their hair colour was different. Maybe they phrased stuff differently I just find it clinically hard.

Quite hard after 2 decades independent living; you kind of go to someone telling you what to do.

Female aged 44.

There's no such thing.