So sad I never met the one..

[BlueRoseRedRose]

I follow someone online and she has the most lovely partner who clearly adores her and worships her. I feel so sad this never happened for me and probably never will now 😔 online dating fills me with dread and the men on there are often said to be the “dregs of society” not my words! But I don’t meet men irl either so would need to look online. I feel too old Now as well to meet someone decent as was reading on another post all the decent men in their 40s will be coupled up. Has anyone ever felt this way then managed to meet someone?

Sigh. No one said you were ‘going to write that’, but if you think being single is boring, and you’re bored with life as a single person, that’s going to be obvious to anyone you date. Someone who comes to dating from a place of being bored with their own life and looking to someone else to fix that is never attractive.

FYI most people date because they are not fulfilled being single otherwise they wouldn’t date 🤷‍♀️

Or when someone already happy with their life thinks that a relationship would add to their happiness.

If they were so happy then they wouldn’t think something was missing…

First of all, I wouldn't 'follow' someone on social media if it's causing you distress.

Secondly, I agree with you on dating websites (I've not tried them and I'm not interested in trying them). I would much rather meet someone naturally. There has to be a 'spark' and a 'click' for me to be interested in someone - it does happen occasionally!

There is of course "decent men in their 40s" but if you aren't socialising, you aren't going to meet them.

Would you consider joining a hobbie group to meet people?
Do you socialise with your work colleagues?
Learn a new skill at night school?
Do you have friends that have single friends?

My advice is to just go out really! You never know; but it does depend on how 'natural of a meeting' you want.

People meet in strange and unexpected ways sometimes!

My friend met her Partner when she took her car into a garage for repair!

I met the love of my life when he used to purposely block my car in on the joint company car park! He said he had to keep blocking my car in as we would have never got to speak otherwise!

People meet at weddings and parties.

There are lots of opportunities if you are open to them.

When you feel a connection, you will know it's different. It might not happen that often so go for it when it does and have fun! 💐

Im not distressed im really happy for them I think it’s lovely, just wish that had happened for me

It still can happen for you! 💐

My grandmother married in her 70s, and she was deeply in love with my step-grandad. It does happen. I think if you believe you've ruled yourself out, you will rule yourself out.

Is this what you’re like in person, too?

I met the love of my life online at 47, I adore him, and him me. 10 years now.

Agree and I think that if you are bored in your own life and looking for someone to fix you, that opens yourself up to being with the wrong person or being taken advantage of. That’s a lot of pressure on someone else to fill a hole for you.

That’s so funny about blocking your car! I might have to start doing that. (Will need to buy a car first) haha

No wonder you're bored if all your friends are coupled up and you don't see them because you feel like a gooseberry.

You say you don't meet men. Apparently you don't meet women either. Expand your social circle to people who are single too.

If you had some single friends, you'd probably end up going on the pull together. 😂

It's no point complaining how impossible it is to meet anyone or how horrible online dating is, if you're just sitting at home on your own not doing anything to address the problem.

I would start by thinking about what you would like to be doing. I know on here ages ago someone told another lady that joining a sports club is a good way to meet men. Give things a go and you could report back and tell us how you changed things for yourself. I wish you well.

I do see them, it’s just not often as people have their own lives and are busy.

I’m not sporty.

I’m not vulnerable and know how to spot red flags

How old are you OP?

So widen your social net.

Do you realise how hard it is to make friends as an adult? There are constant posts on here from adult who struggle to make friends because it’s not as easy anymore, and I’m certainly too old to be going out “on the pull”

38

But you must have interests that could get you into environments where men seeking women also hang out. And instead of that obsession with sex that men on OLD have, you'd be meeting as people with shared interests.

I know of relationships that began at summer schools - people go to learn about ancient Egypt or scriptwriting or art history and fall in love over the heady atmosphere. These people were not young when they met - all are now stable LTRs, some now married. I have also been on summer schools where men, in particular, are there to meet someone for a lasting relationship. They have literally said so.

And even if you are not sporty, staying fit is an attractive quality, so joining a gym, a hiking group, running club, yoga or dance class, bootcamp or cycling club will help generally, so you feel fit and healthy and invigorated when you do meet a man you might like.

I met ‘the one’ if you want to call it that at 35. You are a bloody spring chicken! Don’t be so negative and defeatist! Put your big girl pants on and get out there. I kept going with OLD despite numerous disasters and met DH this way.

It is hard, that's true. But it's even harder to meet a man if you don't. So do the hard thing of getting out into the world, but for your own sake - out of interest in the activity you sign up for, the subject you want to learn about, the country you choose to travel too, the fitness level you want to gain. Then you'll have a positive energy about you and a liveliness, and develop more confidence, all of which is so attractive.

I think you are right I will keep trying with OLD I felt hopeless because I seen yet another post on mumsnet where someone was saying how awful it is dating in your 40s and how men in their 40s are all married (well the “decent” ones)