My Best Friend Asked My Husband to Be Her Sperm Donor. I Honestly Don't Know How to Feel.

[sofia67]

I'm 34, my husband is also 34, and my best friend is 34. We've been best friends since we were 5 years old. My husband joined our friend group when we were teenagers, and we've all basically grown up together. My best friend married one of our classmates, and my husband has known her just as long as I have.

My husband and I have two kids. Four years ago, my best friend's husband died in a tragic accident after they had only been married for a year. It completely changed her life. She went through severe depression, trauma, and even had suicidal thoughts. With therapy, support, and a lot of hard work, she's now doing much better and has built a great career.

Recently, she asked me something I never expected.

She wants to have a baby but doesn't want another romantic relationship. She said she doesn't want to use an anonymous sperm donor because she'd rather know the person's medical history and character. She asked if my husband would be willing to be her sperm donor.

She was very clear that she has absolutely no romantic feelings for him. She said she would raise the child on her own and is happy to sign any legal agreements stating that my husband would have no parental rights or responsibilities.

The thing is... I wasn't angry. I wasn't offended. I just felt this strange knot in my stomach that I can't explain. I honestly don't know if that's because it's crossing a boundary, because it's such a huge lifelong decision, or because I simply never imagined being asked something like this.

I'm not looking to end a friendship, and I'm not accusing anyone of having inappropriate intentions. I truly believe she's asking because she trusts us.

No way that's batshit. That child will be your children's biological half sibling.

I think I’d really struggle to see her in the same light after asking this.

A thousand no’s.

It's not often my mouth drops open after reading a post but that's all I can add because I'm speechless.

Actually I struggle to believe this is a genuine thread 😮

Also extremely unreasonable to Post this nonsense in reply to a woman who is perfectly entitled to have this understandable view.

Right. It is an incredibly unreasonable thing to ask OP - or anybody at all. It is actually a horrible thing to even imagine asking a close friend, or in fact any man who's married.

I think the friend needs to see a therapist to discuss why she'd think such an incredibly invasive request is ok.

And OP needs to distance herself as even having the actual audacity to float this creepy notion shows serious issues with boundaries and completely fails the reasonable person test.

Just no.

Sorry, I have read all the comments.....it was helpful

But I have confusion that did most the people thought that my freind wants to sleep with my husband? Because there comments like that

Definitely not. She can use a standard sperm donor not her best friends husband.

I wouldn't think so. She was asking him to be a donor. I'd assume that meant insemination without sleeping with him.

I don’t think your friend wants to sleep with your husband, but I do think it is absolutely unreasonable to ask him to create a sibling for your children with him. Just no.

But struggle we must....

It's getting to the stage on here where probably 50% of any of the remotely juicy and interesting threads are not genuine. They are quite formulaic and pretty easy to spot once you understand the patterns. Either AI or made up by a human purely for the purposes of generating traffic on the website rather than trolls or attention seeking fantasists. I'm actually starting to long for the good old days of trolls and attention seeking fantasists. At least they had a bit more engagement in their own threads than the ones that are created to keep the revenue-generating traffic moving.

I couldn't possibly comment on whether this thread is genuine, obviously. I have no opinion whatsoever on that. Nope.

Absolutely no way . She would be forever connected to your husband and I don’t see how he could ever look at that child and not have parental feelings. Even feelings of love . What a way to break up your family . And it would .

Nope. Fraught with problems. If you didn’t like her parenting or decisions affecting the child, then your DH is too close socially to avoid wanting to have an opinion. Then there are the effects on your children when they inevitably find out. This is a stupid and entitled request and she should go via reputable sperm donor.

Don't be daft. You know full well almost nobody suggested she actually wants to fuck him. You also know that there's a good chance that in fact she would like to fuck him given she wants to be the mother of HIS child. Not a random bloke - him. She specifically has chosen your husband to be the father of her baby. Stop pretending that's confusing to you.

Her whole garbagey idea can get in the bin and your friendship is over - unless you fancy a polycule. Hint - polycules don't last and you'll fuck up your kids' lives.

And if your husband is remotely interested in any of this, he can get in the bin too.

Your faux naivety is just irritating, assuming this isn't just a lot of old bollocks for attention of course.

I thought the friend fancied a relationship with op's husband, could be subconscious but a child would be a bond.

Yes, in the bin.

I didn't say it in my previous comment - that she fancies the husband - but of course I thought it, as anybody who's not totally clueless would. This whole post has to be a wind up, surely nobody is this dopey and clueless.

I was going to offer to be an egg donor for a close work friend (she was newly in remission from brain cancer). We were similar phenotypically (height, weight, skin tone and eye colour etc). She was 39 and had a new relationship (which did end in marriage). At the time I was 33 but hadn’t started a family yet. My husband unfortunately was very uncomfortable with the idea so I didn’t approach her about it.

I was also asked and felt like I had to say yes (more that I had no reason to say no, guilt perhaps that we have no fertility issues).

DH also immediately was against this. I have to say I’m glad DH said no. Usually very assertive, I felt it was very difficult to say no as it was kind of - well we know YOU have no issues with your eggs. On balance, I don’t think people should ask.

They knot in your stomach is a reminder that you are uncomfortable and it’s a gut feeling that you should not do it.

Don’t do it. It’s awkward.

Has she spoken to your husband about it? Have a word with him.

I would actually go as far as keeping some distance until the idea blows over.

I get people want to have children and she experienced a very horrific life event. But she should be sensitive enough to know that you can’t just ask people’s husbands for their sperm, even if you are best friends. Ask a friend that isn’t in a relationship, I don’t know - there are women that have one night stands for this?

I wouldn’t entertain this thought.

Absolutely no. It would cause untold issues.

I wonder if the “best” friend asked the husband BEFORE the OP.

The thread title certainly gives that impression. Or perhaps it was just click bait

Either way @sofia67 seems to have lot interest and wandered off

The op returned!

How about enlightening us as to your husband’s response. Just a tiny bit relevant! And your title gave the impression that you formed had asked your husband directly. Before you….

It’s a bad idea but I would take it as a compliment in a strange way,she probably loves and trust you both to think it’s a good idea and isn’t thinking of consequences further down the line.Just say no and help her find a agency that can help.I only gave this answer because of her knowing you both for so long and her history, and if your sure she has no romantic feelings for your husband.Let her down gently and give her a big hug.Good luck

Wow. Here is another poster who starts with an OP that is in perfect, grammatically correct English and then moves into responding with short, garbled sentences that read like they've either been typed by a monkey or written by someone not fluent in English.

We had one like that the other day as well. The 24 million inheritance thread.

How odd.