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Original poster

Boyfriend wants money just to talk to him

222 replies

Belle270 · 21/07/2026 23:20

My boyfriend is in debt and seriously depressed. He has now told me unless I can give him the money he owes he won’t be able to talk to me as he’s not in a situation to be able to talk to anyone unless he solves his problems. He actually told me to block him and not speak to him unless I can get him the money. I’m so hurt, shocked and feel so used. I haven’t given him any money but I can’t believe he says he loves me and says he will only talk to me or be with me if I clear his debt. Any advice would be appreciated thanks

OP posts:
LilyBunch25 · 22/07/2026 10:01

Simples- he won't hear from you then will he? Horrible blackmail.

PrimeSeason · 22/07/2026 10:02

EX-boyfriend. What a skank. Move on!

12234m · 22/07/2026 10:04

It's like reverse prostitution. You would be paying him to speak to you.

TheBluntSeal · 22/07/2026 10:06

I'm with the people who think he may be having a mental health crisis. However the attitude he just hit you with, that he's worth more than you and is pay-per-view, has probably been lurking all the time. His problems have taken the 'play nice' cover off the top and exposed what's underneath.

I would inform his family or closest friends that he's splitting up with you, and you are going to respect that, but can they check in with him because you think his stress is becoming overwhelming to him.

Then walk away, remembering that whenever things are tough for him it's going to be your responsibility to fix it for him and you don't need that toddler energy in a life partner. Do this favour for future-you - the person you'll be in 10 years time who will not want to have wasted a decade on this manipulative man.

ldnmusic87 · 22/07/2026 10:09

Be glad you aren't married, or have kids. Move on, and be happy!

orangehandles · 22/07/2026 10:11

'he's not in a situation to be able to talk to anyone unless he solves his problems'

He's not solving his problems. He's expecting you to solve it for him. How has his problem become your problem? He couldn't be more unreasonable if he tried.

Don't give him the money. Don't give him anything. Do yourself a favour and dump him.

Mygardenshedisfallingdown · 22/07/2026 10:40

Just when I thought things couldn't get any stranger with peoples relationships on MN I read this.
I hope you stay strong OP and don't cave in for any reason. His situation with debt isn't yours to solve nor is his depression.
Don't bail him out because in a few months it'll be 'can't talk to you because yadda yadda I need £££ to sort this out'.
It hurts like hell at the moment due to the shock being a bolt out of the blue, but you take each hour without contact that leads into a day then two. It does get easier, been there. You'll get through it in time.
I think a lot of us have come out of shit relationships, hurt and upset. But in time it becomes a case of wtaf was I so upset about and he was a total twat. I've moved on, living a better life and no drama.

chirrupybird · 22/07/2026 10:45

Why is he in debt? That alone is a big red flag and expecting you to pay his debts is the icing on the cake. He's selling himself for you paying him money, charming. Throw this one back, it will be a recurring theme and you will be supporting him forever.

Original poster
Belle270 · 22/07/2026 10:47

Thanks for all the responses. To answer the questions it was a real relationship not an online one and a serious one unfortunately. I do think he’s having a mental health crisis as he keeps crying. I told him straight I would not be paying for his time like a gigolo. His excuse is that I have money to enjoy myself and buy nice things. He even asked me to ask my dad and say it was for myself.

I told him I don’t have a large amount of money that I can give away at the moment and I encouraged him to ask his family. I’ve even spoken to his sister and asked her to talk to him but she didn’t bother to. I’ve given him advice for months regarding his business as I feared he would end up in this situation but he didn’t listen to a word.

I will not lend him the money as I won’t be blackmailed it just hurts a lot to see his true face after wasting so many years together. While he was talking strangely on this last phone call last night he said if I don’t give him the money he has other women he could get it from in one night. When I got angry and said what the hell do you mean by that are you cheating he said no of course not I don’t speak to any other women I just mean there are other women around that I could ask I just don’t know them. Does he expect random women to pay off his debt! He also said he would show me what he would do if I broke up with him. I just don’t want to be sent photos of himself with other women or something like that as he has humiliated me enough and I’m currently feeling really depressed about all this. Nothing he was saying made sense it seems he’s mentally ill at this point. It’s just very hard to process as this all happened in the space of 2 days and I’m in shock.

OP posts:
LostNFoundSV · 22/07/2026 10:56

Hi OP, So sorry to hear how poorly you have been treated. This is not acceptable behaviour in a relationship.

Block all of his contact details and then delete all of them too. Never contact him again and if he tries to call you from another number, say nothing - just hang up, block and delete - rinse and repeat.

He doesn’t sound like a catch in any way - keep reminding yourself that you deserve better!
Stay single while you focus on you and nobody else. Build your resilience and sense of self-worth.
See this experience as an opportunity to grow and learn - take care of yourself - always.

standddown · 22/07/2026 10:57

How awful for you OP, it must have been such a shock. You need to start looking after yourself and make the most of any support you have around you. Have you told anyone in real life about what's happened? Do you have a good friend or family member you could talk to, He is showing his true colours in a really nasty way and you deserve to have some love and support around you.

Take his advice and block him on everything.

Error404FucksNotFound · 22/07/2026 11:02

Jesus. He really is a sack of shit.

Happyjoe · 22/07/2026 11:07

Belle270 · 21/07/2026 23:56

Any tips on how to stop myself from talking to him again and forgetting him? It’s so hard 😭

One day at a time. Every day you don't contact him makes it easier, just a little. He will with time start to fade away. Keep yourself as busy as you can too, it helps.

Be kind to yourself, you've been let down by someone you love, it's a real kicker. Am sorry this happened to you, you sound lovely.

SummerPeonies2026 · 22/07/2026 11:08

Belle270 · 22/07/2026 10:47

Thanks for all the responses. To answer the questions it was a real relationship not an online one and a serious one unfortunately. I do think he’s having a mental health crisis as he keeps crying. I told him straight I would not be paying for his time like a gigolo. His excuse is that I have money to enjoy myself and buy nice things. He even asked me to ask my dad and say it was for myself.

I told him I don’t have a large amount of money that I can give away at the moment and I encouraged him to ask his family. I’ve even spoken to his sister and asked her to talk to him but she didn’t bother to. I’ve given him advice for months regarding his business as I feared he would end up in this situation but he didn’t listen to a word.

I will not lend him the money as I won’t be blackmailed it just hurts a lot to see his true face after wasting so many years together. While he was talking strangely on this last phone call last night he said if I don’t give him the money he has other women he could get it from in one night. When I got angry and said what the hell do you mean by that are you cheating he said no of course not I don’t speak to any other women I just mean there are other women around that I could ask I just don’t know them. Does he expect random women to pay off his debt! He also said he would show me what he would do if I broke up with him. I just don’t want to be sent photos of himself with other women or something like that as he has humiliated me enough and I’m currently feeling really depressed about all this. Nothing he was saying made sense it seems he’s mentally ill at this point. It’s just very hard to process as this all happened in the space of 2 days and I’m in shock.

Edited

So more of the same
Unless you give me money I’ll go and find another woman.
Well good luck finding a random stranger that is going to going to volunteer to pay his debts! It just isn’t going to happen is it!

What has been said can’t be unsaid.

He has reduced you down to being his cash point.

I’m sorry you have wasted so much time on him - at least you still have many more years to find someone that loves you and would never hurt you like this. 💐

Laurmolonlabe · 22/07/2026 11:34

He love the idea you will solve all his problems- he definitely doesn't love you.

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 22/07/2026 11:34

'Unless you give me money I’ll go and find another woman.
Well good luck finding a random stranger that is going to going to volunteer to pay his debts! It just isn’t going to happen is it!'

It happens all the time. Lonely women (and men) send their life savings to catfish defrauding them on the internet.

Cocklodging men love bomb someone, move into their house weeks later and then suck them dry financially. My own brother is a master at this. Since he left his wife and children 25 years ago he has 3 or 4 women he has latched onto. He charms them, woos them and impresses them (he is clever) and then leaches off them for years until they eventually chuck him out.

Rachelshair · 22/07/2026 11:37

It does sound like he's desperate but he's got no right to make it your problem and turn on you. You can't have a relationship with someone who blackmails you when they run into problems. His business woes are not your responsibility. It sounds like he's been taking advantage of you for a long time.

Bonkers1966 · 22/07/2026 11:47

Well, this is shocking. Stay strong, OP. One day at a time. Once you cut him loose, you will be amazed at how your MH improves.

Error404FucksNotFound · 22/07/2026 12:18

"He also said he would show me what he would do if I broke up with him."

That sounds like a threat.

Original poster
Belle270 · 22/07/2026 12:41

Update: He texted me saying he loves me and just wanted to be with me. No apology or anything. He said he just needs to solve his problems. I muted him but didn’t block him yet as I just wanted to see if he would apologize. No matter what he says it’s over and I will eventually block him. Very confusing though as he’s acting like nothing happened and he didn’t say what he said

OP posts:
Bonkers1966 · 22/07/2026 12:48

Oh dear. It sounds as if he is the only person who matters to him. Everything is about his wants and needs. Sorry, OP.

Flowersinthegrass · 22/07/2026 12:53

I would suggest considering this in the round in the context of your overall relationship - it sounds like he is mentally ill currently.

Shinyandnew1 · 22/07/2026 12:56

How much money is he asking for?!

If hem is own sister isn’t bothering to talk to him despite this, it says rather a lot.

Block him and run away.

Rosetime · 22/07/2026 13:06

@Flowersinthegrass , If by mentally ill you mean and an inately completely and totally selfish, self-centred specimen who showed his true colours (that he does not have real feelings of love & care for @Belle270 ) when things got tough then yes, he is mentally ill.

Otherwise, he is like the rest of selfish self-centred individuals who do not have genuine caring feelings towards the otber person. Who then go on to follow the typical scipt others before them have followed which is :

  • after the big reveal of their true self, come back to say 'i need you' 'i love you' 'i was out of my mind' etc etc
  • then act like nothing happened,
  • then when pressed or questioned, would turn it back on to the other person making them feel like they are making a mountain out of a molehill, or outrightly deny they said or did any such thing, or blame you for them saying or doing what they did
  • then play victim when you decide not to be taken in by their gas-lighting
AND still no genuine apology. In some cases, NO apology of any kind.
Flowersinthegrass · 22/07/2026 13:08

Rosetime · 22/07/2026 13:06

@Flowersinthegrass , If by mentally ill you mean and an inately completely and totally selfish, self-centred specimen who showed his true colours (that he does not have real feelings of love & care for @Belle270 ) when things got tough then yes, he is mentally ill.

Otherwise, he is like the rest of selfish self-centred individuals who do not have genuine caring feelings towards the otber person. Who then go on to follow the typical scipt others before them have followed which is :

  • after the big reveal of their true self, come back to say 'i need you' 'i love you' 'i was out of my mind' etc etc
  • then act like nothing happened,
  • then when pressed or questioned, would turn it back on to the other person making them feel like they are making a mountain out of a molehill, or outrightly deny they said or did any such thing, or blame you for them saying or doing what they did
  • then play victim when you decide not to be taken in by their gas-lighting
AND still no genuine apology. In some cases, NO apology of any kind.

I agree that the comment was unacceptable and is grounds for breaking up. @Belle270 doesn't owe him to continue, not at all.

It is also true that depression can distort thinking. We don't know whether this is new and untypical behaviour, or broadly consistent with the dynamics throughout the relationship.