Boyfriend wants money just to talk to him

[Belle270]

My boyfriend is in debt and seriously depressed. He has now told me unless I can give him the money he owes he won’t be able to talk to me as he’s not in a situation to be able to talk to anyone unless he solves his problems. He actually told me to block him and not speak to him unless I can get him the money. I’m so hurt, shocked and feel so used. I haven’t given him any money but I can’t believe he says he loves me and says he will only talk to me or be with me if I clear his debt. Any advice would be appreciated thanks

Exactly. You don’t deal with debt by emotionally blackmailing your ( supposed ) loved ones.

I cant imagine wanting to talk to him again?

Surely when you sit there and think "the person who is supposed to love me has told me don't speak to them unless I can give them money"

This should make you feel so outraged that you dont want to speak to them?

Thanks a lot I’ll actually do that

Dodged a bullet. You’d be an absolute blithering idiot to ignore everyone telling you to leave him. Cut him out completely and ASAP.

I definitely won’t speak to him again it’s over I guess I’m just in shock at what he told me tonight so it’s hard to process

What a disgraceful way to treat you.

I think you have dodged a bullet here as the one positive is that he revealed his true colours before you got married, enabling you to get rid of his sorry arse.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. It is blackmail. You are right to call his buff here by blocking him and moving on with your life. He was probably banking on you not doing that but it has backfired.

Stay strong.

I am so sorry you are going through this and finding out what he can be like. Has he ever been manipulative like this before? Is he prone to depression?
You have no choice but to end it. He also needs help but not from you after this.

He has shown you who he really is. What else has he hidden from you? He doesn’t need u to - provide emotional support, encouragement, and a shoulder to cry on. He doesn’t need you for ideas how to get help, where to turn to for advice, he doesn’t need you to help in any other way other than to GIVE HIM MONEY?? He is an absolute loser and not because of his situation, plenty people get into debt and lose businesses, it’s life and shit happens, but to treat you the way he has and basically told you if u can’t give him cash fuck off, well that says who he is. An absolute prik. When he realises ur (hopefully) not going to stump up the money he will either get aggressive, make threats or love bomb to convince you to hand it over. No contact now is the only
way to save yourself from further hurt.

He has put a cash value on himself.

Whatever that cash value is, you are worth a million times more.

Maybe put that on your fridge "HE PUT A CASH VALUE ON HIMSELF, AND IF I DONT PAY IT THEN HE DOESNT WANT ME".

Edited to change "you" to "himself", because that is more accurate.

Play “I Am Woman” on rotation loudly until you understand it, believe every word it says and sing it just as loudly.

You know too much to go back and pretend.

If you pay off his debt, he'll just get into more debt. He has to learn how to manage his finances, and it's a long and painful road.

So do as he asks. Block him and don't talk to him. Move on.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Please tell me he is now your EX boyfriend?

Remind yourself he's pay-per-view. And that, when he thinks of you, he sees this:

Your bf wants you to solve his debt problems by giving him money or he won't talk to you. He wants to charge you admission to talk to him.

He has no love for you, he's a black hole of debt and selfishness and he's using you.

I'd block him and delete his number and clean house and purify it. He's extremely toxic.

I’d block him alright.

As advised above, choose YOU.
Its ok to choose to save yourself.
Women find that.hard to do.
Its bloody great if you do though.

This relationship is over.

However he is currently depressed and this does seem to be a red flag for deteriorating mental health and high risk. Is this out of character for him? Can you tell his family what is going on so they are aware? Is he in touch with any mental health supports that can do a risk assessment?

This is not something I expect you to handle if you don’t want to or don’t have the capacity. You are not responsible. But I am suggesting that it may not be as clear cut as the previous responses.

Is this him?

In the last few days I’ve read about some astonishingly awful ‘partners’ on here.
What a horrible thing to happen to you OP, I’m so sorry he turned out to be one of them.

This has to be a windup.

Tell him and his emotional manipulation to do one! His debts are not your problem. Ideal opportunity to dodge a very large bullet here. You deserve a lot better.

What a red flag this is! Regardless of the motives behind this frankly bizarre ultimatum he's given you, it shows he doesn't value or respect you at all. Someone who loves, respects and values you wouldn't ask you to shoulder the entire responsibility of their own debt like this, and then say their happiness is dependant on you doing so. His debt isn't an off switch for depression. Threatening to never speak to you if you don't do this is incredibly manipulative.

I don't think you have to forget him - in fact I'd suggest you not, because it'll bring you wisdom. I've no doubt the more you think about your relationship you'll find other instances that weren't so rosy. You can however move on, and find the peace you deserve. Try and find counselling if you can to support yourself through this. I'm sorry this has happened but I'm glad he's revealed himself before you were married. Wishing you the best.

Your boyfriend neds to contact a debt organisation as they are tremendous Step Change is one worthwhile place. Then you need to ask yourself is he a wonderful man and if the answer is no then look for a more worthwhile person.

You say ‘talk to him’ rather than see him. Have you actually met him?

Keep reading the messages where he says he won’t talk to you unless you give him money. Horrible situation but time is all that will help and trite to say but you have had a lucky escape.