There We Are Then

[mummy917]

A follow on from my previous 3 threads; “my husband said he wanted to split up and I’ve been totally blindsided”.

Excellent suggestion.

I had a couple of men tried the 'I'm concerned about you- how are you coping' line when my marriage ended. Some men have a predatory sense which kicks in when they hear of a split. You are very wise to take a step back. It says more about them than you

It’s not a binge show, but if you want some easy laughs Would I Lie To You on iPlayer is good.

Eugh, it amazes me how many men come forward offering their penis friendship when they learn a woman is newly single (and likely vulnerable). Gross.

Oh Call the Midwife is fantastic - the first several series anyway. I found when it got to the times when the NHS had really taken over births, it didn't have much to say in terms of the history and more of a "soap" thing, but for you, working in the NHS I think you'll love it.

(My grandmother was a midwife/health visitor so even when she was retired local people still all called her "Nurse (married name) and there was so much in the early series of CTM that reminded me of my gran, or explained how things had developed the way they did.)

Just popping in to say that I watched all the Poldark series during a difficult time and it was a great distraction.

Hey OP , I think being w your feelings is exactly the right thing to do and they have arrived now because your children dont need you. In many ways it would be vindicating if you get contacted this weekend, but if you dont and he appears to be managing somehow, then try to soothe yourself with the thought that is best for the kids. I have no doubt you will think that anyway because you have been exemplary throughout this.
I would recommend binge watching crime dramas, not the horrible violence to women ones but ones with strong, clever women like Bones or Strike. 💐

I think I'm going to binge Gavin & Stacey on iPlayer and then maybe start call the midwife when I’m feeling a bit less wobbly.

My whole instinct was to just run for the hills. I have zero interest in any man in any sense.

Yuu are still emotionally struggling because it's early day since the end of your marriage. It's been barely 3 months since he hit you with I want to split to where you are now. You've been extraordinare in practicality and common sens in moving forward for your self and your children, The feelings in a long standing marriage, what you belived who he was, it's something that takes time for your brain to adjust to

Keep listening to your common sense and acknowledge that your feelings for him are going to take time for your brain to re-adjust. How long? Experts say it can go from 1 to 5 years. You are moving on way quicker.

OP I know this is a bit irrelevant, but Asda have a good Pepsi Max offer on at the moment - £6.83 for 24. I think you are allowed up to 3 cases. I have been stocking up because I am a fan too.

In fact they regularly do these cases of 24 cans for about £7.

Edited to say that I don't work for Asda! 😄

I was off sick recently and ended up watching a load of Tudor dramas on C4 - the White Princess, the White Queen, the Spanish Princess and The Tudors. I got really lost in them. Although Henry VIII was a massive There We Are Then.

I've just started Brassic which I hadn't seen before - I love it. I also watch reruns of This Country when I need a laugh.

You are doing brilliantly, OP. Just came to recommend Detectorists if you haven’t seen it. It’s a bit offbeat but really whimsical and charming. Small Prophets is similar (not quite as good) and Outlaws is very different but engaging and funny.

Thank you, I’ll definitely stock up on the Pepsi max 🤣

I have been to get some snacks and had a shower, about to get into some fresh pyjamas and start Gavin & Stacey from the beginning 😊

I’ll keep some of these recommendations for series to start, some of them sound right up my street xx

Yes Detectorists is great - really very sweet and lovely, even though some bad things do happen, the overall tone is of friendship and nice people doing their best. But it's also funny. Perfect for you I think.

IMO Call The Midwife is quite "uplifting" too, but I can imagine that some people might find the slightly religiousy "Thought for the Day" style voiceover that ends it each time a little bit irritating. The first series is the original book written by Jennifer Worth. I think all the following series were written in the same style but are fiction, whereas hers was meant to be her actual experience. But IME you can watch a lot of it before it palls. I did anyway!

When I need a fix, my go to is The Jekyll with the utterly delicious Eddie Redmayne 😀

Regarding this old contact had he heard you were separated …. it’s obviously too soon to contemplate anything romantic until you start to heal , but having some gentle messages with an old contact may help show you there is a range of better men out there. You can always be frank if a coffee invitation happened and say that you are just coming out of a long marriage and that either you don’t feel like meeting any men at all, or that you would on a strictly old friend type basis!

I don’t know, I haven’t posted anything on my social media about it. It didn’t get past the usual how are things, what are you doing with yourself these days, how are the kids, but I just got the feeling he was building up to that. All it did was hammer home even more how much I miss my husband (or who I thought he was) and that I have absolutely no desire to explore anything like that side of things at all. Even sitting watching Gavin & Stacey I am finding it hard to keep it together; I just keep thinking “he would’ve done for me at one point, what Gavin is doing for Stacey. How pathetic 🤦‍♀️

It’s for this reason that I didn’t tend to watch dramas/comedies featuring good relationships. My go to was comedy/gentle murder mysteries eg Death in Paradise, where the scenery is lovely, the detectives are (usually) nice, the crimes are not gratuitously nasty and my brain had to try and work out who did it. I’m so bad at the last bit, but it doesn’t matter, and at least is wasn’t whirring!

I second Would I Lie to You.

Have a lovely day OP 💐

We have just binge watched The Rookie and The Rookie Feds. Absolutely brilliant shows and perfect escape. We also love the 911 shows and recommend them to anyone.

My mum bought me a book called ‘A Letter To My Daughter’ by Maya Angelou.
There’s a line - I am paraphrasing - never cry too loudly, it only alerts the neighbourhood wolves.
Sadly, during a break-up and when you are feeling vulnerable there are some men who will initiate a conversation.
Don’t go there. You are far too vulnerable.
If you want company, see your friends.
After everything you have been through, it’s going to take a good long while.
The Gilmore Girls show got me through my last tough time. I think it’s on ITVX. Confirming, lovely, and a kick ass mum bringing up a fabulous daughter mostly under her own steam.

You’re not pathetic at all. You are grieving the loss of the husband you believed you had. But remember he’s also the person who has hurt you, repeatedly made you feel anxious, and tried to make you responsible for his own shortcomings.

He may have been like Gavin before the children, or was it just glimpses of that which kept you hoping.

I think Gavin and Stacy has too many loving couples. I endorse “would I lie to you” as well. Although you then think Lee Mack or David Mitchell seem like decent men!

Also I listened to Belle Burdens book “strangers “ on Audible. If you’ve not heard of it basically she was a US lawyer with an apparently perfect close marriage who eventually stayed home to care for her three children, until she gets a phone call revealing his affair. She writes really well on the themes of questioning yourself and trying to unravel it all. it maybe too soon for you to read it though.

Definitely you are miles away from dating but it’s a good idea to keep in touch with this guy as a place marker on your network for future support.

You are doing really well and the children will be back now before you know it!

What's got me through this heatwave is 'Young Sheldon'.

How's that for something different?.....and Lime Pepsi Max.

I'm a bit of a rebel obviously.

I can’t see David Mitchell as anyone other than Mark Corrigan 🤣 no matter how old he gets or how different he looks from that time!

I do like Would I Lie To You though, I may start that as I’ve had to switch off Gavin & Stacey. He was thoughtful and considerate before we had kids and still was up until the twins were around 2 months old I would say.

I can’t get on board with lime Pepsi max, I’m not a fan of citrus but the cherry Pepsi max is my favourite!

Fellow Cherry Pepsi Max woman here, though it’s a Tesco version on the ordinary. I drink far too much to pay proper money!

I second Rookies- really good fun. And Castle if it’s still out there!

Schitts creek, another all time favourite😀