The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

'Proper boozers'. Tend to be crammed too often where I am and I like to be able to hear.

Disclaimer: would rather meet initially in an obscure part of the V&A I have never discovered before.

Cramped style: I feel the pressure is on a little for this coming weekend. The reason is that I have two female relatives coming over to stay 'for a week to ten days' after that. They are both cousins on my mum's side and are from Lisburn in NI, although one has gone home from Manchester Uni before coming out to me. 23 and 18. There will be a full programme of whatever comes into my mind each day I expect, or I might issue Oyster cards when stumped.

My dad is from just outside London, but I managed to be born in Canada. Ontario was a short stay.

Dating: have almost firmed up 'Sven' for Saturday. I think he will be a contrast to 'Ben' the night before.

You are definitely not taking over the thread 😘

Hmmm Sven and Ben 😁

@empirebiscuits12 I just hint heavily about a date 😍

@OctopusSting interesting about the testosterone and glad it's helping. Does he have ed drugs too? I was under the impression testosterone therapy was difficult to get so good job!

@Nosdacariad it was actually quite simple. He’s 60 and I think they accepted it as almost a ‘well man’ check and did full bloods and PSA check. I think the conversation with the doc was slightly embarrassing 😂 so I’m pleased he actually did it.

No mention of different treatment for ED/DE - do you know of any difference?

All I know is viagra type meds and that if he takes SSRIs that can cause it🙂

Good man though getting treatment.

ED and my mixed up approach to it.

This is a place marker and I'll come back to it once I have tracked down a book online. I'll tease with an adaptation of Larkin:

They set you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And leave a book out, just for you.

The TLDR is that aged 13 I discovered a book belonging to my mother, which I have largely forgotten in terms of details, but had a lasting influence of how I view sex.

If your gut is saying to end it, then I’d just write to him and say you’re not feeling
it and haven’t felt like he is either, and wish him the best. Maybe if he has some
huge reaction you’ll change your mind, if not,
you’ve saved yourself a dragged out situation x

I would say that I have suggested meeting for about 50% of the dates I have had.

Honestly, if they say no or avoid the question I don't really think of it as rejection - it's very likely that they aren't actually looking to meet up with anyone, just wanting to chat. And I would rather weed those ones put, as I see them as a bit of a waste of time?

Once I have decided I am definitely into someone enough to meet them, I prefer to get a date booked in as soon as possible.

I do prefer it if they ask me. But I think some may be too shy, and I am too impatient to wait while they get their courage up!

For that reason, I am going to message Mr Insurance now and suggest meeting. It feels like we have loads in common - politics, sense of humour..... Really hope he says yes!

One shelf of my mother’s books when growing up started with Edna O’Brien and J P Donleavey, intertwined towards the left. Then came a mix of religion and philosophy. Towards the right was a run of East Asian culture and history books. J P and Edna were purposefully intertwined in a way I never understood, but I was told off when I thought I would helpfully make things look neater. At the intersection of R&P and E Asia was a book that was formative in 13/14 year old me’s attitude to, um, ejaculation.

It had lots of little sections. I read through them in idle and curious moments, off and on. From memory, the language was not only archaic and adult, it was also perplexing because some words were left in a Chinese version and you had to ponder what body part or activity they were about.

The book was The Tao Of Love And Sex. This isn’t the cover of the copy my mother had shelved, it must have had a number of editions over the years.

Written, so far as I remember, from a male perspective some of the key points were: the man does not need to ejaculate, if he does it does not need to be often, a woman’s pleasure is important. There was more I am sure. Reasons? I’ll leave it to Taoist/Daoist philosophy, I think.

I found a PDF online. No way am I reading this again. It probably won’t match with my teenage memories. However from the contents pages you can see what it is covering.

The moment my first boyfriend prematurely ejaculated over my shoulder I knew he hadn’t read the book. I don’t think any of my peers did and I never talked about it with friends because it would be like spilling the beans on what my parents did (OR DID NOT) do in the bedroom and I wasn’t going there.

DE? I started with the manual. The book was no doubt formative, and I knew I had found a supposed keeper when last partner could keep going and then some, even if he almost always reached a point where he revealed that he clearly hadn’t read the book.

@LenaFromTheNineties that’s really interesting - I almost want to get a copy (no memories to ruin!). Although the part about not having to ejaculate and about the woman’s pleasure is my Partner’s take on things although I was thinking he was just being kind/not wanting to be embarrassed about it. Maybe not 🤷‍♀️. Although pretty sure he’s not read the book 😂

Morning all 🌞

Just a little update from me - a bit sleepless right now.

Mr Cars - not suitable, has the same likelihood of arranging a second date as he would a pissup in a brewery. Not a problem as he was not likely to be suitable. Cute dog though.

Mr H&S leaves me on read, I find that irritating on a day when I know he is not at work and has notalot on.

He has "last seen" switched off which kind of annoys me. It probably shouldn't.

Mr Boats - seeing him Friday as friends - my version of friends which is strictly platonic, he says it's what he's looking for and he's very local so a game or two of pool won't hurt. So not strictly an iron.

Well I finally plucked up the courage to message someone on Hinge. It was actually someone I’d gone to school with . Took me 3 days to actually do it. Was worried about what response I’d get. What I didn’t consider (not sure why) is that he’d just completely ignore me. Great start .
DS goes to his dads for 2 weeks next week so if I want to set up some dates for that time I best get my arse into gear

Just catching up.

TheThingOnTheIce Just a blip. Onwards & upwards, I've got my fingers crossed for you!

Nosdacariad I'm glad you are doing well. H&S would annoy me too.

empirebiscuits12 I'm coasting with you! Peach would be out, by now for me. I hate the How is your day? Type chat when it's not leading to dates.

I do ask men to meet, I just get on with it really. I've said on here before that there's been a few men who take it as a negative when the woman asks but there's plenty who say they were too nervous to ask/worried about when to ask etc, & they are pleased for the woman to ask.

I'm painfully shy in real life though & I do tell men this before we meet. I find it easy to jabber away on text but if we were sat face to face I wouldn't be able to ask for a date, or say much at all, if I fancy them

How irritating! Keep swiping 💪

This is the problem . I have absolutely no motivation to do so . It felt different with someone I sort of know for some reason .

So instead are there any singles events in the two week window?

Can you set up some socials with friends?

Host a party and ask everyone to bring someone they know but you don't?

Any acquaintances you'd like to know better, other than this one?

This is so annoying, but also despressingly common. I reckon about 50% of the guys I match with never actually send me a single message....

So, Mr Insurance has not only agreed to a date on Saturday, he has also agreed to my (somewhat light-hearted) suggestion of indoor mini-golf! I ❤️ indoor mini-golf so hard......

How do I stop myself getting massively excited about this man, who seems perfect for me in every way.......?

@Nosdacariad unfortunately no to all . I do already have things planned for the weekends but was semi-hoping to get some after-work dates in. But I’m also still not in the right mind frame and stuck between that rock and a hard place of not wanting to be alone but find the idea of going through this process YET AGAIN unbearable

Exciting!! Mini golf would be a major green flag for me too 😁

I’ve spent the morning deep in the 1550s trying to decipher some merchant's handwriting about wool exports. It’s thrilling stuff. My eyes are crossing. Ben wants to meet for a drink on Friday at "a rooftop bar" because of course he does. No idea which rooftop bar. The man finds the rooftop bar doesn't he in the dating game? I haven't heard back from the Iceman Sven today. I’m assuming he’s busy swimming in a frozen lake or debugging something very important.

@OctopusSting The Tao of Love and Sex is downloadable as a pdf from various sites so far as I can see. I think I got one from vdoc dot pub last night - I am not posting a direct link as I am not sure that is a done thing with such sites. I don't stand by what it outlines, but it was formative and has meant that I have probably viewed no / low ejaculation situations differently to most others.