The Dating Thread 60 - Summer Fling!

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@UmberSheep you are very wise

@LenaFromTheNineties sounding a bit Bret Easton Ellis esque 😁

@Ilovelurchers glad Mr GL ok

@empirebiscuits12 tell Peaches he's annoying your online mates and to do one 😁

Mr H&S was charming, clever, displayed sensitivity, work ethic and a sound approach to travel, ambition and fitness.
He paid for dinner. He asked to see me again and said I had restored his faith in dating. We'll see.

@Nosdacariadso pleased for you!

And I hope you are starting to see how very wrong Planes was when he negged you.

Your dates since you left him have, if I am not mistaken, yielded a 100% success rate in terms of the men wanting to pursue something with you. Proof, if proof were needed, of how attractive you are!

Thank you @Ilovelurchers

It makes me wonder what planes was trying to do...make himself feel better I suppose.

Ben (32). Friday possibility. He’s another architect but actually looks like he leaves the house. Good jawline, photos on a hiking trip in the Peaks. Mentioned he likes "proper pubs" in his bio, which is a low bar but at least it's a filter against the crypto bros. Ben is safe. He’s 32 so older but not Uncle Ben, works at a firm in Clerkenwell. His photos are all very aesthetic: brick walls, coffee cups, that generic shot of the Shard from Southwark. He looks clean, like he smells of sandalwood and expensive laundry detergent. Says he is "Looking for someone to explore the city with." Groundbreaking, I know. Yet he answers with full sentences, that counts for a lot these days. I’m tempted to say I want to explore all the stations on the Piccadilly line. He looks the type you bring home to your parents without worrying he’ll get drunk and insult your dad. I suspect competent in bed, but with the lights out and methodical. Good candidate for a second date, but I’m not expecting much. Happy to be surprised.

Question: looking at a dating profile where the guy stresses 'living in the moment'.

What does this mean in a modern dating context? Spontaneous? Can't plan? Amnesiac?

Maybe it just means he is mindful and not constantly on his phone. Could be a positive.

Planes - I have just remembered that two weeks before we split we discussed appropriate approaches to opposite sex friendships while in a relationship.

I told him how I felt about his relationship with ex over the road.

He still went ahead and arranged 1:1 drinks at hers. That's at best a boundary test.

Have just started chatting to Mr Bank.

Seems keen but he’s only 6 months out of a long marriage (has 4 kids) and my alarm bells are going off.

@LenaFromTheNineties I'm a massive fan of proper boozers and know a lot of good people that feel the same, not sure it's a low bar?

I know people have different attitudes towards friendships to Xs - I used to think I was fine with FWB's (back when we were trying to make it work as a proper couple) but then swiftly changed my mind when I realised the romantic nature of them - his best female friend (an ex) he almost actively encouraged to still be in love with him. There was another one two. He said it was controlling of me to object to these friendships, despite objecting strongly to my friendship with DD's dad (which to me is more of a necessity as we coparent - but we don't have private drinks together and there is no element of romance. Anything we do together, DD is always present. )

Now it would make me wary, and I also wouldn't persist in friendships with any degree of closeness with any exes if and when I find a romantic partner of my own. I'll always be friends in a way with DD's dad as we have a child together, but he's the only one.

To me this is something you have to at least compromise on. I wouldn't mind a partner who still saw exes casually as part of a group, or exchanged the odd message on their birthday, but to me meeting up for drinks just the two of them crosses a line.

I think you were absolutely right to object to Planes' level of closeness with this woman. And a better man would have prioritised your feelings more, and compromised.

Finally checking in after a marathon few days!

Mr Mullet on Thursday... Great dinner, hilarious night, very present and attentive. Stayed at his and didn't say anything (as I said before, I go fairly non verbal), but I did tell him I liked him. Not very affectionate in the morning but I was hot and knackered and wanted to go home.

Then I've spent the entire weekend with Mr Hat. I had a few errands I needed to do and he drove me, had a great night out on Friday, met some of my "b-list" friends at a BBQ on Saturday then I even meet his brother in the pub for the football. Spent all day yesterday just lazing around mine and he's made it very clear he wants to be Mr CleanShirt. Told him that's very much where we're headed but I'd like to take baby steps.

That's was long, sorry!

Thanks @Ilovelurchers 🙂 I tried hard not to be controlling and I realise I should have noped out when it first bothered me x

Super cute, great news, are you binning Mullet?

I've just realised I am down to just two love irons now - Mr Insurance and Mr Law. Both are ticking boxes in all of my main criteria at the moment, although Law has gone quieter since we arranged a date for Friday - but I know some men and women prefer to chat less once the date is booked, so I am trying to respect and match that.

Mr Insurance I am feeling a perhaps worryingly strong connection - it almost feels like a potential "soul-mates" type level of similarity - but weirdly these actually worry me as I know some people are very skilled at mirroring to create an illusion of close similarity. Funnily enough, when I first met FWB I described him to my mom as almost a male version of me - in truth he is nothing like me. He is just very skilled at charming women in this way......

Insurance has yet to mention a date - I may mention one soon. We live reasonably far apart, and neither of us drive, so it will be a bit of a mission. But from what I have seen so far, hopefully worth it?

I also have one other iron I will call Mr Friendly who I have little interest common with and am not really fussed about meeting, but his gran is currently dying and he has confided about this, and I don't want to unmatch currently while he is in a horrible situation. I'm hoping he takes the decision to unmatch soon - he's nicez but it is hopefully clear to him as much as me that we are very different people with different interests.

Oh wow, this sounds delightful! How are you feeling about Hat - do you think he can be enough for you? Can you move on from Mulket, do you think?

Well done for getting back in the saddle @Ilovelurchers 😘😘😘

@Nosdacariad @Ilovelurchers yeah I think he's getting binned. We've got an event together this week I still want to go to but will have the platonic chat.

Just popping on to give an update on ED/DE - Partner has now been on testosterone (quite a low dose I think for about 3 weeks). It has certainly had an impact on the ED element although no real difference on DE as yet. However t’internet does say it can take up to a year for full effect so 🤷‍♀️

@CleanShirt so pleased to hear about Mr Hat and Mr Mullet being ejected to the bin….

@BoxOfCats hope it all works out for you and Mr C, whatever that looks like

@MsJinks glad to hear all is continuing to go well with Mr 🌳 and your climbing of him 😂

@Nosdacariad well done for staying strong and continuing to remind yourself of his fuckwittery 💪. Hope the dates continue to distract you in a nice way 💐

@empirebiscuits12 dog walk at the same time tomorrow? 😂. I always bump into the same people so worth a shot….

@BellaBlackberry83 Mr Physics sounds like a keeper! Enjoy it all x

@LenaFromTheNineties your date updates are great! Although Mr Older Man sounded awful 🙈

I missed this comment yesterday!

Well Mr Peach has stepped up his game….its as though they can sniff out when another guy is on the scene. He’s been messaging again although he’s not asked about meeting up again.

Mr Tall is still messaging and the “flirt” has definitely stepped right up, but no mention of meeting.

Everyone seems to be getting lots of dates and I’m just coasting along with messages. Are the men asking to meet or is it you ladies? I’m quite a shy person and I don’t have the confidence to suggest meeting, maybe because I’m scared of rejection. I need to try step things up a bit otherwise I’m going to have 2 pen pals (along with searching the streets for my mystery man from the neighbourhood).

Hope everyone has had a good Monday, I’m going to read the updates now!

We’ve had 2 dates and slept together on the second one. To be honest I think we were both doing the slow fade as I was matching his energy. Now I’m chatting with Mr Tall, and 🍑 has resurrected.

Hmmm ok that’s a bit different the . He may be keeping you vaguely around if he thinks sex is potentially available. If I was you, I’d confront it and walk away if he gives a shitty FWB-seeming reply that suggests “he’s not looking to commit to anyone but liked your company”. Unless that is what you are looking for!

Ah, bumping into Mr Mystery (dog walker who is not technically an iron as may be married) again would be a dream however it was at 9am yesterday morning so going at the same time weekdays isn’t possible. There’s a fab park along the road from me and the same crowd of dog walkers go early in the morning and again around 5pm. I tend to mooch about on my own 😂 but have never noticed Mystery Man before. I could potentially just walk my dog up and down the street he appeared from but that may be entering stalker territory 😂

Absolutely fab date updates from yesterday, lovely to hear! @Nosdacariad@BoxOfCats @Ilovelurchers

You know what, he seems a little needy although I’m not sure if it’s a relationship or just sex he’s looking for now. At the very beginning he was giving off relationship vibes but now I’m not so sure. I’d mentioned before that I would consider a FWB but I don’t think he would be the one for that.

My gut is telling me to put an end to it but I don’t know how. If I hadn’t met up with him I would just block but it’s way past that point. I want to focus on Mr Tall but I’m all in a muddle.

Sorry for taking over the thread!

@empirebiscuits12 can you just lounge seductively on your front doorstep?? 😂