Do all men want it all the time?

[Justaquestionplease]

DH and I have been together for 15 years...we probably have sex 1-3 times a week. Occasionally less, rarely more. I'd happily have more but I'm absolutely fine with this....he is also happy with this.

However all I seem to read on posts here, in the media and amongst other women is how their husbands want sex all the time and can't leave them alone. My DH doesn't want sex all the time. He is not constantly all over me. All these things I read now just make me insecure. Why doesn't he when all other women's husbands want sex all the time? Am I ugly? Is there something unattractive about me? Now I know objectively I'm not ugly... I'm conventionally attractive and still get chatted up by men if I go out. But I just can't help but wonder what is so wrong with me compared to all these other women who have rampant husbands? It really gnaws away at my self esteem.

So I guess my question is...do all men want sex all the time? If you're in a long term relationship is your DH more like mine? I feel like a freak as a woman.

No, of course not.

Yes, something is off here. You should start getting your ducks in a row.

All men are different. My first husband was like yours. He rarely wanted sex and sometimes even rejected my advances. This destroyed my confidence.

My second husband always wants sex and is all over me all the time… Maybe the third will be just right 🤣

Where did you assume my DH rarely wants sex and rejects my advances. We do have sex and he doesn't reject my advances.

Do you think 1-3,times a week is rarely wanting sex?

But yeah thanks for making me feel worse

If you are absolutely fine with your current relationship, why are you giving any headspace to random things you read. I’m very sorry you are experiencing these insecurities.

What do you think drives this. What might be going on here? Could you in some way be equating your value as a human being with your desirability as a sex object?

Hope you can get to the bottom of this tendency and get to enjoy a peaceful secure life.

I said mine wasn’t that into sex and rejected my advances. I didn’t assume yours was rejecting yours! Blimey!

Thank you for your kind reply. In an ideal world I would probably want sex at least every day, but as I said it's not like we are in a sexless relationship..my DH doesn't reject me if I initiate. That's not really the issue...the issue is more that all I seem to read about is how other men are constantly pestering their wives for more and mine doesn't. Why doesn't he? Am I hideous? And yes I probably do need to work out why I feel like this...I do definitely equate my worth with my desirability

No. Like women men aren’t a monolith. My husband is happy with monthly…

You said your first husband was like my current one.

You did say, ‘like yours!’.

OP, take a breath. Your husband respects you and you are having consensual sSex.

When women complain, the men are “all over” their wives and objectifying them and seeing them as a resource they are entitled to grope and use. It’s horrible. Not something to envy at all.

You are extremely unusual to want sex EVERY DAY after 15 years. Your husband being happy with several times a week is much more common.

Has he always been like that ? If so then you know its just how he is, nothing is wrong. Although after 15 years together things are bound to become a bit boring.

some men are not affectionate and they dont realise it. some men are just more distant than others, just like some women are just naturally distant and some are very affectionate.
If you'd like more affection you can initiate it. i don't think men are all over their other half all of the time, probably not even half of the time.

Having a distant partner can knock your confidence, how about a makeover to give yourself a boost

Yes in that he was not all over me and didn’t want sex as much as me. I was not trying to make you feel worse just pointing out the fact that all men are different. I left my first husband because of these reasons. The rejection destroyed my confidence.

Do you want him to pester you for sex? I can’t think of anything less attractive than being pestered by someone who will then have a sulk if he gets turned down (which is also often the case in comments I read on here about men who pester)

You’re having a good amount of sex already, that’s why!

You seem to have manufactured a problem in your head. Your husband seems satisfied, as are you 🤷‍♀️

If you are both happy with the frequency, that’s the key. Problems start when what you both want is out of sync. Sounds like you are broadly happy op, so stay happy and ignore what goes on in others relationships. My partner and I are at it quite a bit (both 50s) but we’ve only been together 7ish years, it may change I guess as we get older maybe (hope not, lol).

Yes in that he didn’t want sex as much as me! Jesus.

Of course they're not. The women you are talking about are describing sex pests,

I'm 30 years married, my husband has never been like that nor were my boyfriends before him.

If you want sex every day and he never turns you down why don't you just initiate sex every day?!

If ever you find yourself asking a ‘Do all men’ question instead ask yourself ‘Am I being a silly billy?’ In this case it is the latter.

No. My DP doesn’t want it all the time. I haven’t a much higher sex drive than he does.

It's so grim, so long as you are both happy. We stopped having sex 5 years ago, early 50s and the relationship is better for it.

1-3 times a week after 15 years.

Completely understand the self doubt, we're human. But focus on all the positive comments here and ignore any negative ones.

You guys are doing really well.

1-3x a week is fine if it is what you both want - sex drives are predicated by hormones, lifestyle and also part of a couple’s love language. Many men see sex as ‘affection’ and as validation they are loved, many women see a man wanting them as evidence of their attractiveness. If those things are being communicated between a couple in other ways - you hug, cuddle, kiss, laugh and talk to each other happily every evening - then ‘sex’ is not needed on those terms.

I don’t know many couples going at it daily - especially if they have kids, work long hours, one or both are away during the week/travel a lot, or they have been together decades. A few people my age are divorced, in new relationships, so enjoying it a lot when together with new partners … but because of juggling two sets of kids, two homes, this is EOW and there fore still only averages out at 1-3x a week, at most!

Don’t take anything you read here as indicative of a norm. It’s just a norm or an aspiration of those replying. If you and DH are happy, ignore and move on.

yours is getting a lot of sex. thats why hes not complaining.

the ones who complain generally arent. theyd be happy with what you're getting.