You’re pushing him away when you say these things that (I assume) you don’t really mean.
DH and I have been married for 34 years and have probably been through every permutation when it comes to who wants what. Both wanting it all times of day and night (early years!) him wanting it more often than me; me wanting it more often than him; both too exhausted with little ones to be that bothered at all; one or other of us ill therefore not on the cards…and so on. We now seem to be in a happy zone of both wanting it about the same frequency with the odd week of nothing or more than that.
What I do know is that none of the above had any bearing on how we felt about each other. We’ve been blessed with a very strong marriage and we’re still nuts about each other all these years on. Negotiating each person’s different wants has taken work and hasn’t been without friction from time to time, but the reasons for one or other of us wanting less than the other had never been about how attractive we found each other. It’s been about tiredness, having young children, stress at work, troublesome hormones, aches and pains, having teenagers knocking around the place at all hours, a stressful house move, feeling a bit out of shape and therefore not feeling great about ourselves, not having enough time together…..and so on. Again, NOT about how attractive we found the other person.
When I say you’re pushing your DH away I mean this: In provoking him into saying you can go off and be unfaithful you are trying to shock him into giving you more sex. Is that really what you want? Sex where he feels under duress? I think your tactics are more likely to result in less sex overall because there’s nothing more unattractive than feeling pushed and goaded into intimacy. Bluntly, it’s not an attractive feature and regardless of how beautiful you are (and I’m sure he thinks you are) being unkind and pushing him into a corner is going to make him retreat from you.
Like so many others have said, men are people not machines. There will be any number of reasons why he wants sex at the rate he does. The least likely to be ‘DW is unattractive so I only want sex three times a week’ - that sounds bonkers when you see it written down!
You could ask him about frequency of sex and what plays into wanting more or less but I strongly imagine the answer will boil down to ‘that’s just how often I feel like it at the moment’.
Finally, please remember that things change in this area over the course of a long marriage. You could well be in a position someday where you want it less than him. How would you feel if he behaved to you how you are behaving now? Because it doesn’t sound very pleasant to be on the end of all this emotional blackmail and manipulation.