Do all men want it all the time?

[Justaquestionplease]

DH and I have been together for 15 years...we probably have sex 1-3 times a week. Occasionally less, rarely more. I'd happily have more but I'm absolutely fine with this....he is also happy with this.

However all I seem to read on posts here, in the media and amongst other women is how their husbands want sex all the time and can't leave them alone. My DH doesn't want sex all the time. He is not constantly all over me. All these things I read now just make me insecure. Why doesn't he when all other women's husbands want sex all the time? Am I ugly? Is there something unattractive about me? Now I know objectively I'm not ugly... I'm conventionally attractive and still get chatted up by men if I go out. But I just can't help but wonder what is so wrong with me compared to all these other women who have rampant husbands? It really gnaws away at my self esteem.

So I guess my question is...do all men want sex all the time? If you're in a long term relationship is your DH more like mine? I feel like a freak as a woman.

1-3 times a week is loads, silly billy. Some don't have any.

You've clearly not listened to a word anyone has said!

I doubt this would happen to any other woman...their husbands are all over them all the time. I can't stop crying. I objectively know I'm not ugly...I get a lot of compliments from men and women. But clearly he must find me hideous

Read the whole thread back. You need to get counselling

He won't talk to me or give me an answer about why he didn't want to last night. I think that's just what I want. Why can't he just say yeah I've got a low sex drive or yeah I don't fancy you. It's the not knowing that I find so difficult

In the nicest way possible OP you need to chill out or get some counselling as a reaction like this is quite extreme.

not everyone has the same libido. Sometimes it’s higher than others. If he’s been on a night out and shattered then it’s not bad if he crashes out asleep. 1-3 times a week is still very healthy for a long relationship.

do you want more sex or do you just assume you need to have more because of a false social media/media narrative?
focus on your own relationship and not what others are doing. If you are both happy then leave it be. You will drive him away by demanding more and acting like this, you are sounding very paranoid

You need counseling to work on yoyr low self esteem before you push your husband away

Yes I do just have a high sex drive. It's not just for validation. I don't know .. everyone says men are visual. There are posts here telling me to wear a short dress etc. but I dress up every day. I work in a fairly glam industry so every day I wear make up and do my hair. He seems to be totally immune to what I look like. I feel like I have the same effect on him as a piece of furniture

If that were me, that would pretty much have been the worst possible time to try and seduce me.

Friday night after a week of work I'm always knackered, and then add on a few pints out with my mates, and I'd be good for nothing when I got home.

And that's as a man who has a significantly higher sex drive than your bloke.

This isn't about you. You're not ugly, you can't magically make him want more sex just by dressing up in sexy lingerie. He's just a man who's not up for it all that often. That's just part of who he is, like his sense of humour or whether he likes asparagus or not.

You can either choose to accept that, or accept you're just not compatible and end the relationship.

Stop trying to lump your partner in as a generic ‘man’.

So I asked him if he'd rather just live together as friends and I just go do what I want with other men...he said yes he doesn't care as long as he can stop listening to me moan. I mean imagine he'd actually rather another man has sex with me then just do it with me. That hurts

You haven't got a high sex drive, you have a high need for validation thru sex.

My partner wants it all the time but isn't a pest and takes no for an answer. He would do it twice a day if I let him and he is almost 60. As it is, we are on a strict schedule of no more than 3 times a week! Poor man.. haha.

You are driving him away if you are constantly moaning at him, I’m not surprised that’s his answer.
if he leaves it’s not because he isn’t attracted to you or doesn’t want sex, it will be because you are over dramatising this and trying to paint a false narrative

Bully for you. You must be so much more attractive than me

This morning I had to go to work but messaged him asking him why does he find me so ugly?

Op, I've responded to you already on this thread but the more I read, the more I think you sound quite exhausting and insecure.

If i were a man, that text you sent would really piss me off. It's not that you have communicated that you are dissatisfied with the frequency of sex. It's that you have asked 'why do you find me so ugly'.

You're positioning yourself as some kind of victim. You're accusing him of feeling something he probably doesn't, in hope that he will somehow grovel when he hasn't done anything wrong. As I said in a previous post, if you carry on like this, you will drive him away. You have such a need for validation that it must feel like a bottomless pit for him to fill.

You know what’s not good for desire? Desperation.

Hopefully you’re not like this all the time OP, but you sound quite needy.

Very unlikely.

Break up and get someone else then?

This is really weird manipulative behaviour and it would seriously put me off a partner being guilt tripped like that. You don’t need more sex, you need a fuck ton of therapy. It’s absolutely normal to be tired after a night out!

Yes but is it normal for a man to come home see his wife wearing sexy lingerie and made up nicely and just look through her like she's nothing and not even feel a flutter of desire?

You're being ridiculous.

If he found you hideous or unattractive, he wouldn't be having sex with you as often as he does.

Of course, there's nothing less sexy than feeling pressured to perform, so your attitude to sex may be putting him off you.

It's not about your appearance, it's about his level of sex drive.

In this case it seems very unfair that I lucked out like this when every other woman managed to get a man without this issue ..

How often do you seek validation from him either verbally or through stunts like this? If it’s a lot, then it sounds like he’s understandably fed up with it because it isn’t just you doing this because you want to, it’s done as a test. But forgetting that for a minute, I would say it’s very normal for someone to feel tired and tipsy and not want sex even if the person in front of them is dressed up seductively. If you’re not in the mood you’re not in the mood.

What a horribly manipulative thing to say to him. You're treating him as your emotional punching bag, fuelled by your self-esteem problems. If you want your marriage to end then you're going the right way to achieve that.

What on earth are you talking about?

All men are not the same, they are people, and have a range of sex drives.

Their libidos can also be affected by stress, fatigue, mental health, fitness, health issues, age, all sorts of things - so even a man who normally has a high sex drive may experience times in his life when he's less interested in sex.

Every woman in a straight couple apart from you is not fending off her partner constantly.

Plenty of my female friends have male partners whose sex drives are lower than theirs.

You seem to have swallowed some very silly sexist stereotypes that are not helpful to you.