Husband took ring off during lads holiday

[Newbie94]

My husband recently went on a four day lads holiday to butlins (clubbing weekend) with 20 football friends. I noticed that in photos, his wedding band was missing. I’ve checked his phone and messages around that time are squeaky clean. Too clean.

Anyway, I confronted him and he’s admitting to intentionally taking it off but that’s he so so sorry, doesn’t know what he was thinking, would never cheat but just wanted some attention. This is the same man I’ve been begging for attention off for years.

I’m 3 weeks away from giving birth to our second son and not sure what to do or believe. Any comments?

Mine would never do that and I'm so sorry to hear tjst you're in this situation. I'm not sure I'd ever forgive. I know it's hard especially when you have a little one on the way.
Yes, your husband may have not cheated etc but he betrayed you by taking off his ring.

Honestly? I'd want to see an STI test from him in a few weeks to make sure he's not picked anything up.
Whether you can find out if he was unfaithful or not is unlikely, but you can have results that he hasn't gotten an STI that could harm you in black and white.

@Newbie94 When you say "squeaky clean" re his messages over that time period...do you mean there are none/very few? Could he have been deleting?

Thank you all, it’s infuriating I won’t know for certain what happened but the ring off alone… utter devastation. Surely no happily married man would be doing that - to his pregnant wife no less.
yes, the messages are suspiciously lacking between the boys that weekend - lots of calls. In fact when one friend asks how the weekend was after he explicitly says he “can’t put it in writing, but things got wierd”. He said he just meant the after parties (he admits others brought girls back and that there were drugs too).
I see a few of his friends were calling him the Saturday night about midnight to see where he went… he told me it’s because he was sick and went to bed early, but then on a seperate time (before) said that there wasn’t a night he didn’t sleep before 4am.
honestly reading it back what I’ve written, I just feel so stupid.

I think he obviously had intent to cheat no matter what actually ended up happening. Yours and the babies well are the most important thing now, please get an sti check and look after your well-being.
I personally could not trust him or believe what he is telling me. I would start creating a life in which I did not have to beg for attention or worry about he is doing. I think you could be a lot happier.
do you have anyone to support you?

I’m so sorry you’re going through this at probably one of your most vulnerable times in your life😩
some men just love attention and aren’t happy with what they have at home!
I really hope you’re ok 🫂 I went through a similar type of thing after I just had my baby, well I found out stuff he did when I was pregnant and then he did stupid things after I’d had the baby too! It’s so hard to just not let it wreck your brains out, especially at nighttime when they’re happily snoring next to you 🤨 The reason you’re probably awake right now 😢

Tbh I would be tempted to pretend I know something and see what I can draw out of him. But that might be sneaky and not your style.
I mean something along the lines of - "Dave, sit down. Since you promised nothing happened I've learned more about what you did on the holiday. I have heard about Saturday night in particular. [Phil's wife Sarah told me everything he knows/I got a message off your best friend Pete who feels sick you could do this to a pregnant woman/ someone contacted me on social media and sent photos]. I'm giving you this one opportunity to tell the full story and I will know if you're lying."

[Edited to add, bless you OP I'm so sorry you're going through this stress. Your partner is a dick even if all he did was take off the ring in the hope of some "attention"]

This is the best thing I ever did with my husband! I mean it was shit but I had to just tell some lies to get it out of him. When I was pregnant he did something in a club and I didn’t find out until the year after on his memories, they come up at the front of his phone. I asked him if I could look and it was a girl dancing on him and he was videoing her and zooming in to her arse, anyway I found out that wasn’t the only girl he’d been with that night because I said the nightclub has posted pictures onto their website (they didn’t) and there’s pictures of another group of girls sat at your table because they all had different clothes on and he didn’t know what to do with himself he was just saying how sorry he was, he told me everything and was saying how sorry he was. He’s never been on a night out since because his words “my mates are single, they’re always going to have girls at the tables” 🤷🏼‍♀️

It's really not great that he has taken off his wedding ring, but if you are pre-programmed to check his fingers in photos, I guess you have done this before and this time he's been caught, which maybe points to that you don't really trust him and that he has been lacking in showing you attention, as you state in your op.

From what I know about the Butlins weekenders, and the shenanigans that go on there, a wedding ring would not be a barrier to getting laid, possibly the opposite in fact. Think taking it off is more of a statement to the lads he's with, which is a bit sad to be honest.

I wouldn't be too concerned about the messages. We go on several lads holidays no one is cheating but as you can see from this and the the other current threads on here we have adopted a media black out on tour sine one of the lads posted am innocent picture of our group and a hen doo all in fancy dress and one of the wives phoned another lad up crying and then the two of them ended up scrapping, So now no pictures and a WhatsApp group for the weekend that gets deleted after, Sad but true,

If you're also anti-drugs, then the vagueness could point to drugs, but he hasn't helped himself by taking off his wedding ring, so only you know if you trust him. I've never cheated, but the former is my temptation, it's a very hard boundary for my DP, so if I had taken anything, I would be sketchy

Hope that doesn't read that I am making excuses for him, I just really hope it's just one mental weekend before your baby and that he hasn't cheated. Sounds like he's got a big shock coming and hopefully a lot of growing up,

one of the wives phoned another lad up crying and then the two of them ended up scrapping, So now no pictures and a WhatsApp group for the weekend that gets deleted after, Sad but true,

Why did they end up scrapping and what happens to necessitate the deletion of group messages? If it’s so innocent and no one cheats why would they need to be erased and no photos taken?

Sorry op.
Oh’s friends did this on a Butlin’s trip. Caught out by one picture.

He’s lied to you, more than once.
He didn’t take himself off to bed.
There is intent. That’s the biggest issue, he planned to cheat. Planned to deceive you and another woman. He deleted messages. The whole bunch of them are scum.
What a terrible predicament for you.
You’ll never trust him again, nor does he deserve your trust.

What a drama. You've no evidence he cheated. Just put this behind you and don't let this ruin your relationship.

Honestly I would have my baby, recover, get myself organised then LTB

This would be a dealbreaker for me.

He took his wedding ring off so he could pretend to be single.

With a pregnant wife! That's unforgivable.

@WhatTheHellsGoingOn

It was fancy dress, we were all pirates, the hen do flash dance 1980's gym wear. We all looked good, the women were nice and a right laugh, but let's say out of our league.

One of the lads took a group picture so all the women were in the picture and sent it to the Hen. He also posted on FB, hence one of the other wives saw it. It was a funny picture, nothing in it. He obviously made some promises that he wouldn't be near women. She phoned crying, saying he'd crossed a boundary.

He spent a while talking her down. He then had a go at the lad who posted the picture, and he commented on his partner. Obviously, a drink was involved, and we ended up with a few punches thrown

Blokes say stuff they don't mean when they're together (all the time), especially when drink and drugs are involved. Banter; bravado, some of it plain not true, putting it down in a WhatsApp is like writing your thoughts on paper, which you'd never do. All you need is one of the lads to show the group messages to their partner, probably knowing that they are all clear, and a bit of a "look, I was good", but look what they were doing, and all hell can break loose ( see current rugby thread on here) easiest option is the group leader sets up the WhatsApp, and it gets deleted after/

Honestly, I've been on lots of lads' holidays, and since we've not been single, no one has cheated, some very reprehensible mumsnet behaviour, but no cheating. Obviously, things go in circles, and some of the older ones are now once again single, which brings challenges of them bringing women back to hotels or pictures with women and their friends on them. It's easier just to go back to analogue memories.

Sone of us have higher standards, taking off his wedding ring indicates his intentions to cheat. You expect OP to stay with a man who she can’t trust? What sort of relationship is that? She doesn’t have to wait until she’s got proof of his infidelity to end the relationship, she can end it now for whatever reason.

It’s not OP that’s ruining the relationship.

Raise your bar!

So dodgy. Going to bed at midnight is bullshit. I’m so sorry he’s putting you through this stress.

He intended to cheat. That would be enough for me. At the very point you need support more than ever.

And it looks a hell of a lot like he did cheat.

I agree priority is an sti check.

A lot of men are much better at covering up their behaviour than OP's DH. So their partners are blissfully unaware.

You aren’t stupid op. You made the mistake of judging him by your own standards, because you would never do that. And, if he’s honest with himself, he would be utterly furious if you did!
It is shit op, really really shit. Whatever he did or did not do, I think it is the brazen lack of loyalty which stings. Particularly since you are heavily pregnant. He is a massive twat.
You need to take care of yourself here. What do you want to happen?

If he took it off he had every intention of cheating. Wearing a wedding ring wouldn’t stop him getting attention. It’s a really shitty thing to do especially as your about to have a baby!

I can just imagine this group of men including your husband on a lads holiday at butlins.

and it’s put me off my coffee

drunk, lairy, lecherous, topless, probably all reform voters. Gross.

I wouldn’t be worried about a ring issue in your shoes OP. I’d be worried I was married to a man who goes on a lads holiday to butlins

And??

Because if that you think OP is making a drama and is ruining her relationship?

Are you the DH “other blokes do it and get away with it”

Honestly, assuming you’re not the DH, raise your bar! His intentions were clear and may have come tomorrow fruition anyway! Not that the fact he didn’t pull is reason to stay with him, he just can’t be trusted.

Definitely worrying!

I always thought the Butlins big weekenders were quite innocent retro stuff until I spoke to someone I work with who went to loads.
She described them as a face to face tinder, wild parties in the chalets, drugs and in her own words ‘you are 100% guaranteed a shag even if your pug ugly’
and there was me thinking it was all 80s neon and glowsticks