Husband says he has the ick and criticises my habits

[GotTheIckWithMe]

Dh has told me he’s ’got The ick’

That over the last few months he’s needed more time away from me as ‘little things were annoying’ and he can’t put up with certain ‘habits’ anymore. He thinks I’m lazy and he worries about the image I have and how that will affect the dc.

We used to go out once a week but he stopped that two weeks ago and made excuses. He’s now said he can’t stand the way I act when out and how I eat. I’m quite shy and he finds it ‘embarrassing’ . He’s very chatty and sociable.

I don’t know what I’m meant to do ?

Oh @GotTheIckWithMe he’s rewriting your history. This is classic SCRIPT stuff. I really loathe men that do this. It’s so bloody cruel. Sweetheart prepare for an OW to appear, and get your finances in order. Take copies of paperwork etc and speak to a solicitor. You need to get ahead of the game here.

Yep. I had all this from my exh even down to the new job. Made more and more excuses to spend time out of the house (work was soooo stressful) acted like everything I did irritated him.

2 months later he needed some time at his dads for some 'space' a couple of weeks later I found out he was in a 6 month relationship with a 20 year old girl (hes in his 40s our eldest child was 3 years older than her)

He left me and 5 traumatised kids and £20,000 of debt I had no idea we had and has never looked back.

Be prepared.

Fast forward 3 years and I've cleared the debts got two new jobs myself I've thriving in and have never been happier.
He on the other hand has spiralled moved away (without the young girlfriend) and has developed a drink and drug problem.

I really hope you find the strength to walk away and not give him the power to be the one to leave.

**You dont deserve this
Sending you strength

Yep, start making plans (don't tell him)

It's obvious what he's doing. This is the start. Get ahead. I'm so sorry.

OP - apologies if you have mentioned but are you working?

He’s trying to hurt you. He’s an abusive bastard. Who cares why he’s trying to do it? You deserve to have a life where you’re not being made to feel like shit for eating and breathing.

Oh my god i remember seeing my husband (who had previously been my biggest fan) looking at me with disgust. Yes of course he was cheating on me with some little slapper from his > new job <

that made him > very stressed <

I reckon knuckle down this evening and do some sleuthing. Men aren’t usually very clever you’ll be able to get proof if you’re looking for it and at least put yourself out of your misery of feeling you’ve done something wrong.

If you can’t find anything, ask him outright, are you cheating. If he responds with explosive rage and calls you crazy? He is cheating. If men aren’t cheating they either laugh about it or sit down with their partners to comfort them

Yes I work full time (yet he still calls me lazy !)

Dearest OP, I am sorry to say that you are married to a TURD. In some senses whether or with whom he is playing the two backed beast is not relevant. He is just a nasty, abusive bucket of pond slime who is trying to destroy your self confidence. Do not let him. There is a whole, beautiful world out there stuffed with people who are infinitely nicer than him, people who will value you as you should be valued. Imagine a new life where you don't need to worry about what this shit demon thinks of you because you will know, deep inside that you are an infinitely better person than he is. I wish you all the strength and luck in the world.
PS a decent lawyer will make mincemeat of him. Stand back and enjoy. I did, many, many years ago, it was very therapeutic!

Make sure you are working and have your own separate access to finances. Get advice and start preparing for the worst. He’s either dipping his wick elsewhere or gearing up for it. And his treatment of you is shocking, horrible git of a man.

That’s good. You have some independence here. I agree with others - he is seeing someone else. Prepare yourself and get a good lawyer.

I'm so sorry.
Stop listening to him.

Get in front of this NOW.

He's cheating and wants out.
Use this time to get organised.
Get paperwork together.

Tell us your housing, work, financial and family support situation.

Let us advise you.
Don't pretend to be suspicious.

Use this tine wisely.

6 months?? How long have they been together and are they still together? He's lumbered with her now!

Tell him to fuck off before he wrecks your self esteem entirely. He's a nasty bastard who's probably got his eye on someone else if not already sleeping with them.

What a disgusting, spiteful thing to say

Yep hideous, it sounds like he's comparing the OP to someone else...

I also think he’s cheating. This isn’t you.

Hi op agree with others someone new on the scene I don’t think there is a solution as he is basically telling you he doesn’t like you not sure about love but definitely no respect I would get legal advice don’t let him control things. His overtime could be meet ups but even if he’s not cheating he wants out.

The cheek of this man. Why isn’t he doing the cleaning if he’s so worried about setting the kids a good example? Funny how he thinks you not doing the cleaning is laziness, what’s his excuse?

I agree with other posters that he’s had his head turned.

He’s a fucking disgrace , imagine your DD and DS coming to you and telling you what you’ve just told us - what would your advice be ? Tell him to fuck off and see how the grass is that he obviously thinks will be greener

He's just a bog-standard abuser with an updated script.

Get the hell out before he destroys you and your children.

So getting a cleaner indicates that you are lazy ? Does he do 50% of the housework?

The only thing he does is the gardening , nothing else !

Asshole! How dare he try to put you down like that. He's treating you like shit because he wants YOU to be the one to break up so he can go off with his mistress.

Yes I wholeheartedly second this. Let us all help you get ahead of the game. Keep quiet, smile and pretend nothing is wrong in front of your husband. Meanwhile you need to quietly see a Solicitor pronto. Power is knowledge.

Do you own/rent? Would your earnings allow you to live alone with the children? How old are your kids? Do you both have pensions?

Start researching if you might be entitled to help if you split - you can use online calculators to see potential child maintainance, Universal credit, child benefit etc.

Start putting those ducks in a row OP.