Husband says he has the ick and criticises my habits

[GotTheIckWithMe]

Dh has told me he’s ’got The ick’

That over the last few months he’s needed more time away from me as ‘little things were annoying’ and he can’t put up with certain ‘habits’ anymore. He thinks I’m lazy and he worries about the image I have and how that will affect the dc.

We used to go out once a week but he stopped that two weeks ago and made excuses. He’s now said he can’t stand the way I act when out and how I eat. I’m quite shy and he finds it ‘embarrassing’ . He’s very chatty and sociable.

I don’t know what I’m meant to do ?

Tell him it gives you the ick to know he would rather assassinate your character to justify cheating than to just end the relationship. Because that really is gross. Sorry OP, what an awful thing to have to go through. Where do they get the god damn nerve.

Oh dear, yet another one quoting The Script because he has met someone new and needs to justify it.

is this new job much more paying that before that he thinks he has "changed classes"? Otherwise am afraid it sounds like he is having an affair esp combining petty but hurtful criticism and "over times".

am sorry you married a dickhead. Start planning your exit

Let me guess. You - like virtually all of us after we have DC and especially when peri / meno hits - have gained a bit of weight, so now your are “gross” and he’s entitled to have “the ick”. Even though he has a dad bod or worse. I’m afraid I agree with PP - he thinks some young thing in the new job is interested in him.

OP I recommend some reading. Order it tonight and get it tomorrow if you have Prime:

The Script: The 100% Absolutely Predictable Things Men Do When They Cheat: Amazon.co.uk: Mainzer, Vicky: 9781401308421: Books

He sounds vile. Surely you don’t actually want to fix the relationship with him? There’s nothing attractive about what he’s saying or doing, which as everyone else has said, is mostly likely the script because he’s had his head turned.

Split up with him, he's rude and offensive. having a cleaner means nothing other than you have a clean house and can afford it. He clearly finds you so difficult to be around. My ex turned into a useless critical twat before he fucked off with someone else. This will get worse, look after you and your self esteem. You can do better than this.

I’m sorry but the overtime , thr criticism, the stopping date night, he’s having an affair or gearing up to it, likely thr former. And he’s comparing op to the new woman and finding her lacking.

there is no way for this marriage to survive.

Sorry op. Cherchez la femme.

You could start listing all his faults.
OR shrug/laugh it off whilst covertly planning your exit.

Boot him up the arse!

I thought it was only women who got the ick, interesting men do too. You have to drill him down on exactly what you are doing, then you can share some of the things you notice he does too.

I don't buy that after 15 years you've suddenly developed irritating habits. FGS showing some of your teeth when you drink from a glass - that is a totally normal thing that happens when someone opens their mouth enough to sip a drink! Telling you to physically hide parts of yourself that disgust him is absolutely contemptuous.

Sadly this sounds like the script. He's got his eye (or more) on someone else, probably linked to his new job. He doesn't want yo be the bad guy so he's finding reasons to make the impending break up all your fault, that you've changed, that you've become lazy and irritating. Or perhaps that if he criticises you enough you'll instigate a separation and he can be the poor victim.

I don't think you'll get anywhere with reasoning with him and frankly you shouldn't want to. He's nasty and he's cruel. Take action while you still have self esteem and see a good solicitor. Prepare yourself for the new woman who'll emerge from the woodwork after an indecently short period of time.

OH dear. Well @GotTheIckWithMe you need advice to get all your ducks in a row now. But whatever you do don't let him get wind of this. Time to plan.

There's lots of mumsnetters who will give you good advice in how to go about it.

Boot him up the arse. Honestly, there are some really ghastly men out there! Not all, just some. I shed a tear or two for the little baby that was tortured and murdered by those two paedos, may they rot in hell. Sorry, change of topic.

My abusive ex used to criticise how I ate with a fork. My DH of 20+ years has never mentioned it once. That makes it a him problem rather than a you problem.

Urgh RTFT, yes to sorting money then tell him to F**k Right Off!

I'm sorry but you need to prepare yourself for the idea that he has met someone. He is criticizing you to give himself a reason to leave you and pursue things with her.

What a nasty man, or apology for one, throw him back, you are worth more than this!

Yep came on to ask if he’d started doing over time and was suddenly needed a lot at work, had made new friends or has suddenly started/upped going to the gym.

This is the script OP. He’s writing you as a villain to make himself feel better about cheating/about the fact he’s about to cheat.

I hadn’t heard of the script before. He’s been saying to me that I have changed and ‘maybe it’s hormonal , a perimenopausal thing where women just become irritating and unattractive’ , he keeps just giving me weird looks a combination somewhere between disgust and confusion ?

He's probably met someone else at work.

He sounds like a huge prick OP and you sound perfectly nice. I'm sorry he's being such a dick to you but it's 100% on him. Be angry not sad!xx

Tell him to go and fuck himself then.

What's your situation, financially, housing etc? I would get yourself a solicitor and start making plans. Don't tell him yet, wait until you've got all the financial info together so he can't rip you off.

Fucking shithead.

There’s none so blind etc