Husband says he has the ick and criticises my habits

[GotTheIckWithMe]

Dh has told me he’s ’got The ick’

That over the last few months he’s needed more time away from me as ‘little things were annoying’ and he can’t put up with certain ‘habits’ anymore. He thinks I’m lazy and he worries about the image I have and how that will affect the dc.

We used to go out once a week but he stopped that two weeks ago and made excuses. He’s now said he can’t stand the way I act when out and how I eat. I’m quite shy and he finds it ‘embarrassing’ . He’s very chatty and sociable.

I don’t know what I’m meant to do ?

Either he has someone or he is planning to. He’s planning his exit, plan yours.

He’s having an affair..

Be prepared for another woman! This was exactly how much ExH behaved. Character assassination, criticism of everything and really unhinged behaviour over absolutely everything! I even got shouted at because it was a full moon!!

Why not call his bluff and tell him as he is so unhappy it's maybe best to consider going your separate ways. Ask him to have a serious discussion as to how you would both manage the split.
As others have suggested he may be preparing the ground to try and justify an affair, preempt his planning and pull the rug from under him. Horrible man, being nasty and insulting you with his attitude. Time to challenge him.

What on earth, OP?! How unbelievably rude!! I'd be having a serious talk with my husband if he chose to talk to me like that.

He can blame his job all he likes, but I think you should give him some hard truths - he has become someone you don't recognise. A rude, boorish, judgemental complainer - very unattractive!

He sounds awful. Have you tried speaking to him about it? it's really unhelpful he's coming to you with a problem (HIS PROBLEM not yours) and doesn't seem to be looking for a meaningful way to solve it. Leave his ass... sounds like you would be better off without him x

I’d dump him for this sort of thing. He’s totally disrespectful. You deserve better.

LTB, why would you want to be with him? Take your life into your own hands and leave him, before he leaves you. There’s time for you to be the master of your own destiny here.

He either has another woman or he is ‘friends’ with a woman and expecting it to develop. He’s criticising you in the hope that you will make the first move to end the marriage. You could wait it out and let him
make a move re leaving orgo to joint counselling as you think it’s important to work on your relationship ( I bet he wont Want to do this, of course). Good luck but it doesn’t sound very hopeful- oldest trick in the book is the criticism of the current partner. Oh, have a look
at your finances whilst you have the opportunity.

When I went through this, I stayed longer than I should because of housing issues. Very nearly broke me. They treat you appallingly and start to criticise not only you, your looks and personality, but also things that they know are important to you. It is to rewrite history so they can play victim.
i was called lazy (worked 12 hour days and the breadwinner), got told I was fat, crazy, basically scum.
He should have just been an adult and owed up that he had met, some needy floozie at work, rather than dragging me through his crazy, unhinged shitty behaviour to justify his cheating. He even recruited his aged Mother who called me “deluded” for calling out his cheating.
I’m thriving now, have focussed on self improvement, have my own house etc.
He is still with the woman who was complicit in this. Wonder what her Father thinks of her balding, 50 year old twice divorced Son In Law?
leave now it will save your mental health and dignity and move forwards. You deserve better than this turd.

Op he’s looking for someone else.

100% this

He might well have a secret phone, one for just texting and ringing.

He might well have a secret phone, one for just texting and ringing.

Keep popping on to read updates and new comments! How are things??
Do you see/have friends tou see without him?? He is annoying me now and I domt wven know you both! Id say you seriously need to think now do you want this dor however much longet??
Is it possible his carrying on could possibly be with the lady doing the Botox??!

I’ve looked everywhere and I can’t find one or any reference to payments for a phone etc. I can’t think of anywhere he would hide it and he’s really bad with his phone anyway, leaves it around, forgets it, misplaces it so I doubt he would be any good at hiding one or at least I think so.

I asked him yesterday directly ‘what’s wrong? You clearly really dislike me?’ He looked at me confused and said ‘what are you on about?’ I explained that he is nothing but critical of me, in every way, looks at me with disgust and seems unhappy? He said I’m being dramatic and seeing things that aren’t there and said again it’s probably a perimenopause thing.

I left it at that because I want to start sorting a few things out and didn’t want to escalate anything at this point or ask anything else direct.

He knows you're onto him and is blaming you for his behaviour, his next criticism will be you're neurotic and going mad. Keep strong.

If I was a man I'd keep a second phone in the car or garage.

My ex said later, the question should not be what the matter with you (him) but you should have asked me what is the problem with me

Get your duck in a row and see a solicitor be prepared and not blindsided.

If you have his phone go on the app ‘ find my phone’, it may work. What about the phone provider, would they list another phone or look on his bank statement to see if there is another prrovider.

It's really not necessarily to have a second phone with the apps that are available now. Potentially she is also living with a partner and maybe they don't have contact when at home. Or more likely, they have specific times. I think it's good that you gave him some pushback @GotTheIckWithMe. Obviously he was gaslighting you and didn't expect him to challenge him.

It's okay not to fall in with the narrative he's trying to create. Since he makes you so uncomfortable when you eat, why not remove yourself and eat elsewhere. If he asks why, tell him you can't bear to eat in front of him because of his words and actions about this. He will gaslight you and say you're being ridiculous, but it sets a clear boundary. You are not willing to subject yourself to his disapproval, even if he's pretending that he's not doing it. He's very cruel.

It doesn’t matter if he is having an affair or not. Concentrate on yourself.

Gaslighi prick!

From now on, every critique of you, look at him, roll your eyes and mutter ‘here we go again’ in a very bored voice and leave the room.

Then when he complains about you doing that,tell him to ‘stop being dramatic’.

You don’t have to stay in the same room/place as him and listen to his complaints when he starts! You don’t have to tolerate them and you don’t have to play into the dramatic narrative. Just be bored by his endless comments and remove yourself. It takes the fun right out of it for them if they think it’s not hitting the way they want it to,

This is where my friend has got to at this point. She’s just so done with it (but it’s taking a while to get her ducks in a row) that she finds this takes the edge off him keeping on and cuts his nonsense off.

As above, who cares about an affair, he's just a very unpleasant person. LTB!

You go, girl, glad that you’re concentrating on the practicalities. Due to new people reading the thread (fair enough) you’re still going to get a lot of older stuff - I think we know you know where you are now - but do treat this thread as an advice resource and also an emotional support. I suspect we can provide more of that than he ever has ❤️. I particularly love @bigboykitty suggestion of taking all his criticisms and acting on them in a way that suits you. I see deep confusion in his future…!