Husband says he has the ick and criticises my habits

[GotTheIckWithMe]

Dh has told me he’s ’got The ick’

That over the last few months he’s needed more time away from me as ‘little things were annoying’ and he can’t put up with certain ‘habits’ anymore. He thinks I’m lazy and he worries about the image I have and how that will affect the dc.

We used to go out once a week but he stopped that two weeks ago and made excuses. He’s now said he can’t stand the way I act when out and how I eat. I’m quite shy and he finds it ‘embarrassing’ . He’s very chatty and sociable.

I don’t know what I’m meant to do ?

Massive gaslighting. Tell him that gives you the massive ick.

You're not going to get the truth from him. His behaviour alone at how he talks to you should be enough to consider not staying with him.

It sounds like you're treading on eggshells so as not to annoy him. Gaslighring may be a steong word but I thinl that's what he's doing.

Is being on your owb worse than living with aomeone who shows you so much contempt?

It’s that kind of response that really ground me gown @GotTheIckWithMe , I really frkt I was going mad and imagining things. It was almost a relief to find out the truth, devastating as it was

Look in location services or find my phone if you share that

but really, just plan your exit

Honestly OP, it does sound to me like he hasn’t necessarily got another woman yet, but is hoping to attract one. Or as another poster said, it is the same script that also accompanies “mid-life crisis” which often, but not always includes looking for “someone else”. Either way, he’s gaslighting you there saying you’re seeing things that aren’t there. From what you’ve posted that he’s said, any woman would feel absolutely awful about it. So saying he can’t see it - he’s either lying, or so totally insensitive he’s got no idea how to talk to other people.

I’ve remembered that I posted a very similar thing on MN when my now XH said it to me. The wise women told me he was shagging and to bin him off. They were, of course, correct

A burner phone would be paid for with cash and doesn’t need a monthly contract etc and he’d probably be leaving it at his work.

You’ve told him how you feel and his gaslit you by saying you’re being dramatic 🙄 any one who wasn’t guilty would apologise for making you feel that way unintentionally and ask what they could do to make it better.

I had similar behaviour with my ex. I asked a million times if we were ok and did everything I could to support him and his endless physical and mental health issues that he blamed on our children being diagnosed autistic. He tried to gaslight me and steal every bit of my confidence. Screw him because now he actually has to pay rent, bills and everything else. He thought we would fall apart without him but we are doing better than we ever were when he was around. And we are all a lot happier. It’s hard but worth it for a peaceful life.

Absolutely this. It’s always possible he has some way of hiding that he’s talking to an OW but even if he’s not yet (he does seem
to have had his head turned), he should have apologised once you made it clear how you felt. The fact that he didn’t speaks volumes.

I wonder if it's some kind of midlife crisis?

Is he on steroids? Botox injection could be code. Steroids for gym bros can turn up some awful behaviour.

@GotTheIckWithMe respectfully, if a coworker said any of those things to you or spoke to you in that tone, what conclusion would you draw? I know I would be thinking, at best he doesn’t like me very much, or at worst he absolutely hates me! Surely thats enough on its own to reevaluate your marriage. OW is almost irrelevant.

Exactly !

I started reading this post when it first came out then Got distracted so have just read all of your posts OP, skipping the other posters. My god, what a knob! Seeing all that he’s doing and saying all together has made my blood boil. Keep calm, get things in order, be ready with a solicitor if need be. Keep calm and emotionless when dealing with him. Remember it is not you, it’s him with the problem. Ducks in a row. Even if it’s nothing, you’re empowered with knowledge/forearmed and the knowledge that he would dare say and do what he has been saying and doing. Good luck!

I would find the hottest, fittest, topless and tiny shorts gardener you can find and have him come round the to do the gardening. If hubby objects just smile to yourself and don’t say anything.

He's a cheating cunt, pure and simple!

stop wasting your time ruminating on what makes him have the ick (what adult baby term)
he doesn’t want to be with you anymore and you need to start making plans
once someone disgusts you, there’s no going back.
make plans, do it quietly, get prepared
no begging, shaming, discussing, thinking etc is going to change this. MAKE PLANS NOW

The Botox and the new fitness interest suggests he's trying to reinvent himself as a precursor to reinventing his life and has decided there won't be a place for you in it.

If there already is somebody else, it's likely she (assuming she) is younger than yourself and he's making comparisons.

Does he have new clothes, new possessions, or new interests and opinions he didn't have previously? This could indicate he's already being influenced.

Have a look around when he's out and see what might be new.

And absolutely - look at your finances etc etc. Don't be blindsided and unprepared when you either do find out what he's up to, or he makes an announcement.

Have your own contingency plans - he will have been making his own arrangements and plans in secret. A separate bank account for starters and copies of all joint financial information.

He's found someone to impress that's for sure. it could be face to face at work so no messages needed or extra phones. You don't suddenly start muscling up and looking at botox for no reason. Changes in appearance plus the nasty comments means he's found someone else who is making him feel special and unfortunately that means he's downgrading and degrading you, to make himself feel less guilty. If he blames you for being 'lazy' it means he can justify the infidelity.

Whatever it is OP, it's making you tense and sad. I wouldn't let my best friend speak to my like that. Why would you allow your husband?

This is what my husband was like and 5 months later we split up and he was with someone eles