Husband says he has the ick and criticises my habits

[GotTheIckWithMe]

Dh has told me he’s ’got The ick’

That over the last few months he’s needed more time away from me as ‘little things were annoying’ and he can’t put up with certain ‘habits’ anymore. He thinks I’m lazy and he worries about the image I have and how that will affect the dc.

We used to go out once a week but he stopped that two weeks ago and made excuses. He’s now said he can’t stand the way I act when out and how I eat. I’m quite shy and he finds it ‘embarrassing’ . He’s very chatty and sociable.

I don’t know what I’m meant to do ?

This is exactly what’s he’s done ! Impressions of me ‘chewing and swallowing weirdly’ and saying it’s embarrassing how I often put my hand over my mouth when I eat (wasn’t even aware I did that) and he said to me ‘get a straw as I can’t stand seeing your teeth when you just drink from a glass’

First post nails it. It's you not him. Bet £££'s on it.

Hi OP, man here, truly sorry for your woes, but I'm 99.9% sure he's playing away from home - be prepared...

He sounds terrible, There are so many red flags there. Read up about gaslighting and cohercive control and prepare now to leave him

Sadly, I agree, it sounds as if your husband has had his head turned by another woman. New job, new people, sudden overtime.... He's following the Script.

He's being deliberately horrible and nasty towards you, because he's got himself a shiny new toy to play with.

I would seek some legal advice, in case you need to go down the divorce route.

Agree with PP this change is highly likely due to another woman.

But even if there isn't, the way he's behaving and speaking to you is appalling.

I think men do this because they perceive us as 'being in the way' of them running off into the sunset with the new woman they have their eye on. They are so entitled; it's fucking gross.

He will chip, chip, chip away at your self-worth if you remain in this marriage, OP.

Even if he's not having an affair or trying to, these are such hateful things to say and do to someone you're supposed to love. If he can't stand you, he won't mind not being married to you.

Put him in the bin

He’s deffo shagging someone else, and he’s trying to reframe it that you are unbearable so he’s not the bad guy.

That’s really abusive and will kill your self esteem. End it, it’s not going to get better.

Bloody hell I cant get over the cleaner comment - woman, know your place!

How dare you fail to teach my children that they, too, are destined to become domestic slaves for their partner (girls) / are destined to be waited on (boys).

He sounds like he's looking for any excuse to criticise you.

Nasty bastard. Money's on his head has been turned at work, and he's ramping up the cruelty so that you end it because he's too chickenshit to do it himself (ask me how I know).

OP as pps say, your husband is verbally abusive and by far the most likely explanation is that he has plenty of reason to be ashamed himself, and is trying to turn the burden of shame back on you.

Don't put up with this, whatever you do. Snoop, confront him, withdraw, lawyer up - lots of possibilities. But don't let him get away with this behaviour. All the best.

I think your marriage is over.

I'd say the same to any of the women on Mumsnet who post saying 'I've got the ick with my husband' and then lists all the things he does that they can't stand.

I don't think he's necessarily met someone else - who knows - but I don't think there's any coming back from this.

What you do is see a solicitor, file for divorce. You deserve better.

As a friend once told me- the grass always seems greener because of all the bullshit

I also think he’s had his head turned, thinks he can do better, is comparing you unfavourably to someone else. You cant stay in this marriage op, it’s over. You need to start makong plans. I’m sorry.

Okay so he has the ick what's he going to do about it? Leave you? or stay with you and make you feel like shit? That isnt someone with the ick. Thats an arsehole trying to make you feel like shit by putting you down. Tell him to fuck off he isnt happy with you anymore or if u give him the ick.

My exH did this- distant, criticising. I was apparently the worst wife, human, I’d let myself go etc (I will admit I was tired but I was breadwinner, head chef, admin, cleaner, go to parent and a nurse in the middle of covid whilst also having to play teacher!! Hell yeah, I was fucking exhausted!!)
When I asked him for specifics his chief complaint was that I left a crisp packet on the sideboard over night- this made me a prick and a gross human being, apparently.
Can you guess what was happening……. She was 21 and he worked with her.
It is NOT you, it is HIM!!! Get every duck you can in a row and harden your heart!
I wasn’t as brow beaten as he thought he had made me in a decade, and he had beaten me down pretty far! I found my strength and walked away with everything I wanted.
I promise you you will be fine, in fact better then you could ever imagine.

Are you in a position you can leave,, he's just being pathetic and cruel. Why doesn't he offer to do the cleaning if it's so embarrassing. I wouldn't bother arguing with him, you don't need people like this in your life, you'll feel so much better and free when you tell him, if you're so awful to live with then it's better you leave and get a divorce, walk out the door and never look back.

Yeah I think he's got his eye on someone at work or has already started an affair. Not even necessarily through work. That could be a total red herring.

It's too much of a coincidence that his new stressful job makes him suddenly find you repulsive? After being lovely and kind and supportive for over a decade?

He's a coward and he wants you to dump him I'm guessing. You probably should if that's the way he's decided it's ok to treat you.

@GotTheIckWithMe Yep, he's cheating or got someone in the sidelines. This is how it always starts. He needs to justify it to himself, so he accuses you of being a vile bitch or you've never understood him etc etc. He'll pick you up on everything little thing that he's never criticised before.. And he also doesn't want friends/family to think he's the guilty party, so he'll push and push you until you're the one that calls it quits. It's classic behaviour I'm afraid OP. Almost certainly someone at his new job.

Horrible and nasty swine. 🤬🤬🤬🤬

How dare he say this to you. 😡😡😡😡😡

Get rid!!!

When exactly did marriage change from till death to chucking your spouse for "icks"?
I doubt anyone would want to return to the days when you had to stay with someone who was threatening to kill you every night, but now some people, like your husband OP, seem to act like little kids. I am sorry he's being so pathetic.

Great post 👌🏻especially the last line!
I’m sure it will give OP hope and a belief in a new and better life when she LTB
What a creep 😠