Why do men cheat if their wife is beautiful?

[Leyna2]

Hi everyone does anyone know why a man who has a stunning wife that he loves still looks around for other options or cheats? It’s something I can never understand. If they have a gorgeous wife, and a loving happy marriage why do they risk it all for no reason? Thanks

I don't understand what link you are making between the morality and behaviour of a man and the looks of his wife. They are totally unconnected. As for why a man would cheat if he is in love that's a different question but the most obvious answer is that some men like to have their cake and eat it and can get away with it. In any event, it's usually about the morality of the man and nothing to do with the relationship with his wife.

This exactly and I’m surprised this is not better known.

it’s a well known animal phenomenon that a male is attracted to novelty. If you keep supplying a male with a new female mate, the sex basically never stops. But it does over time with the same female mate. Novelty creates dopamine and other hormonal stimulation. See Love Island and heads being turned.

The Coolidge Effect does exist in females also but is way less powerful. Maybe explains the ick factor.

Evolution in its attempt to ensure species survival created this situation where men are literally hard wired to ‘cheat’ when they’re operating in a world of marriage, monogamy and Princess brides. It doesn’t matter how beautiful a woman is, a man will always want something different. Almost all men will cheat if given the chance. It’s only certain circumstances that stop it.

If the Coolidge Effect did not exist then the sex industry would be almost dead.

Because a cheat is a cheat.

And because these men aren’t shallow in the fact their wife is beautiful - so I’ll stay with her.

They think with their cock and that’s as deep as it gets.

A woman’s “beauty” shouldn’t and doesn’t come into faithfulness.

I look like a potato in a wig and my husband has never cheated on me.

I have frequently observed (with DW and others) that women thought "beautiful" or even "stunning" by other women are not considered to be so by men.

DW says it works in reverse and no man really knows what a "handsome" man looks like.

Maybe there's your answer?

Agree with this. Had an ex who once announced that I was the best looking woman in the place (at a gig) thinking it was a massive compliment. It just told me that he rated women in every room he went into and I obviously usually wasn’t 😬. He was generally very sexist and I found out later had cheated on all his previous girlfriends (and probably me too). Split up because he was a knob rather than due to infidelity. Have met men like him at work, showing off pics of their stunning wife and kids but constantly checking out other women and regularly cheating. I think it’s just a form of misogyny where they value women for what they do for them, I.e ego boost of a quick shag or give them status by looking good on their arm, or be keeping everything on track at home rather than genuinely loving them for their personality and company. Good to learn how to spot that type of man early!

Because they give into temptation for something more exciting. It has nothing to do with looks! Do you really think beautiful women should never be cheated on but if you're minging it's understandable?

Are they really intimate every single day, even when she isn't in the mood or feeling unwell or on her period or going out with her friends? The only couple I know who do it every single day (he proudly boasts of this) do it because he apparently has an unusually high sex drive and "needs" sex every day which is just grim. I could see that a man who has convinced himself that his "needs" come above his wife's feelings could also convince himself that his "needs" justify a lunchtime quickie with someone else

This. Monogamy versus Polygamy.

Monogamy is entrenched as the social norm in our society and deviating from it is seen as deplorable.

It's so deeply entrenched that most people think it's the 'naural' norm, whereas in reality some people would be suited to polygamy. But that can't be acted upon openly, so those who aren't monogamous 'cheat' and engage in "lying and subterfuge", as a PP put it. Which is obviously deeply hurtful to the partner who thought they were in a monogamous relationship.

Given the devastation left in their wake, it can only be put down to a moral failing on the 'cheaters' end.

I have seen both men and women completely destroyed by a cheating spouse. And the damage done to their own children's stability, future and future relationships is often catastrophic.

I don't buy any of the men neesing to sow their 'wild oats' bull shit. Both men and women carry on being attracted to others when they are in love. The mentally stable and emotionally mature ones don't cheat.

Unfortunately there are a lot of damaged people. Their desperate need for attention and validation is a gaping hole that cannot be filled, no matter how many low quality people they can get to have sex with them.

Why on earth are you so focused on looks?

Do you think that a woman should stay with a husband she no longer loves, just because he's very good looking?
Stay with an abuser because he's hot?

You sound incredibly superficial.

Too late to edit my post but I've realised "polygamy" means multiple marriages, so "polyamorous" is actually what I meant.

Basically some people like variety and are willing to act on it.

But I suppose there is another type of person who's actually an overlapping monogamous, ie goes from one monogamous relationship to another but with a period of overlapping the two. Which is more devastating because the rejected partner loses everything.

I know a very beautiful woman who’s husband (who looks like an elderly potato) has zero interest in her. Arab arranged marriage but he is batting so hard, she gets told she looks like a movie star (because she does). She’s also one of the nicest people, funny and intelligent.

I just couldn’t get my head around it and talking it over with my husband I realised it’s because I have a fundamental belief I can’t shake that beauty in women if the most important thing. That if you are beautiful you will be loved and it’s just not true. You are more likely to get attention but love is different I think.

I think men cheat because they just don’t love their wives (or don’t love them enough) , it’s as simple as that. Also even the most beautiful face may eventually stop being exciting to look at, life can be boring and an affair injects some excitement. The reason I would never cheat is because I love my husband and would not take the risk to my marriage (also a complete lack of options helps lol).

It’s that whole internet sydney sweeny thing isn’t it really. X has been interesting for this, men assumed women liked super ripped men and were a bit bewildered when they found out that the majority of women preferred men a bit softer. The evolutionary psychologists are interesting on this, men consistently prefer slightly heavier women than women do for example.

Oh, you're so funny!
And it's still bollocks.
Adam and Eve? Do you also believe in the tooth fairy?

So, back to the beginning. It's a loooong time since we were primates. We no longer go around sniffing each others arses either. Unless you still have an urge to do that too?

I never said women don't. But this thread is about a lady who's cousin has been cheated on.

You don't sound like you are at all fond of women, perhaps mumsnet isn't the place for you?

I think if a man who is considered ‘less’ attractive marries a very beautiful woman, he feels he becomes the status symbol.
I have an ex who did that (before he met me) and when I met his ex wife I was bowled over. And not only was she beautiful, she was lovely.
He’d met her when she’d been left as a new mum - in his words vulnerable - so he was able to ‘bag’ someone he normally wouldn’t approach.
This then gave him the impression he was George Clooney and he treated her like shit.
And he told me he always spoke to the most beautiful girl in the room as everyone was scared to approach her. He also told me it gives a man a real sense of power to betray a really beautiful woman.
No, we didn’t last long because, you know, read the above.
He did manage to tell me I’d been ‘very beautiful’ when I was young (he’d seen photos) but that I was ‘on the turn’ by the time we met. And a few months later I’d entirely lost my looks and would just be a hump and dump.
What a prince.

This is your answer OP.

The 'wild oats' thing is just nonsense imo, especially as in the animal kingdom there is no shortage of female animals putting it about willy nilly but strangely enough that's never mentioned.

🤣🤣 I bet you don’t! But even if you do, it’s great that you have husband you can trust. It should be the default.

So that’s us all told then!

The motivation of these men is internal to them. You could be Kate Moss in her prime, and they still would.

This really.

We’re conditioned to look for some flaw in the woman - if she’d been more loving, kept her figure, been more open to sex, been more supportive etc then he wouldn’t have strayed. This mindset hugely affected me when my dh had an emotional affair and was compounded by the fact that he kept telling me it was my fault as that was how he had been justifying it to himself.

Funnily enough, one of dh’s many justifications was that I was doing the same because I received external validation if I went out looking nice and men looked at me or chatted me up - something he was well aware that I disliked and never ever encouraged. In his head that was equivalent to actively flirting, complimenting and garnering the attentions of a colleague to the point that she felt utterly indispensable while hiding it from me over a period of years. I honestly still struggle with how much he had deluded himself.

It took me a lot of therapy - couples and individual - and work on myself to really understand and really internalise the truth. That cheating is not a reflection on the betrayed partner but on the wounds and weaknesses of the betrayer.

Exactly I think it’s a form of control

I can remember Christie Brinkley talking about when she was first dating Billy Joel and she called at his house and found Elle Macpherson there. OK, he was a superstar but he did actually look like a potato.
Marilyn Monroe was treated like dirt by men and Elizabeth Taylor’s first husband tried to see her in a card game.
I will never forget Hugh Grant cheating on Liz Hurley.
They do it because they can. It’s attention and validation and a two-fingered salute to the woman who is often told he is punching by being with her. And I hate that phrase.

Maybe they are really boring? Or are horrible
how shallow are you that you think all a woman has of value is her looks?
Having said that I think it’s not really about the person being cheated on