Found DH ChatGPT conversation considering an affair or leaving me.

[BeachFace]

My husband doesnt understand ChatGPT and that conversations are saved and neatly labelled. So today I saw a conversation on the PC at home "marriage troubles"

In a long conversation he says the following

"I couldn't care less about how she feels. I care about how i feel. Im not interested in what's she thinks. I care about my own feelings and my kids" (in resposne to ChatGPT trying to say I have feelings too)

"She's a hormonal mess. Adhd probably too looking at her. Bored of having to support her or listen to her. I deserve affection"

"How to make her sit down and listen and reflect on her behaviour"

"Weighing up whether to get affection from elsewhere or just leave her"

I haven't cherrypicked bits. There isn't one message that shows any love for me.

The weird thing as I read it I felt relief rather than sadness

I actually asked for a divorce in 2025 after he was so horrible to me after birth of our kids. And he begged me and committed to therapy. Lots of "i know it's a two way thing and I need to make some effort"

This is a man who does bare minimum and ive tolerated it for a long time,but who begged me to stay and promised to work on our relationship.

I know I need to leave. I'm so scared. Im so confused if he feels like this why did he beg like a crazy person for me to stay less than a year ago. He begged and cried and said he loved me more than ever

If he's so fed up why wont he let me go??? Do I say anything what i saw?

Think of the divorce of getting rid of o e major pro len a d stressor rather than adding another one ♥️♥️♥️

Think of the divorce as ridding yourself if a problem rather than adding another one ♥️

You said you felt manipulated, because you have been manipulated. He's lying about his real feelings and intentions and seems to think you'll buy that, accept his lack of interest in you, take on 95% of the parenting and then gratefully fall on his cock. Pure manipulation by someone who professes to love you.

Please get organised and divorce him. Who cares if he throws a tantrum.

@BeachFace "Throwing a divorce on top" of managing 95% of homelife while also working will actually make your life easier in the long run. He's draining you and without him things will run smoother- believe me. In the long run ofcourse.

He begged you to stay because he needs someone to look after the kids and clean the house. So sorry you are going through this op he sounds awful. But at least you have seen how he really feels.

You could put it in an email, maybe. Timed so he'll see it when DC aren't around. Or just go for the shorter version: I've seen the ChatGPT in which you say in so many words that you don't care what I feel, so there's no coming back from that, really.

Get evidence of his earnings, all assets etc, and keep it securely.

Honestly you’ll feel so much better without him and things will run smoother.

Sorry you are going through this. I'm sure you do feel overwhelmed by everything. I think you need to give yourself some time and space to make a plan about the future. Would you be able to go away for a night or two to give yourself some headspace to think?

I would get some legal advice as to your situation. Does your company offer an employee assistance programme you could use for support?

you have been manipulated OP. it's really confusing isn't it? Like why do they bother. A lot of your story sounds similar to mine, mine kept threatening to leave but then saying he was heartbroken whenever i started making practical arrangements for separation and this went on for ages. and all the while the OW was in the background so i never understand why he bothered messing me around and didn't just go. but hey ho here we are.

So anyway my advice based on my experience is:

1. find a good solicitor, your husband sounds abusive, try to find one with experience of dealing with men like this, a good solicitor won't take any gaslighting or nonsense from them. Don't just find the first one on google, it's worth talking to a few and try to find one who will argue on your behalf. The ones that come up first are spending heavily on advertising, this usually indicates corporate firms and lawyers with high billing targets, and high billing targets don't necessarily correlate with doing the best job for a client.
2. make a diary of his behaviours and then call a domestic abuse group, he sounds very emotionally abusive and you will need all the support you can get, it's the patterns of behaviour that are of interest and the way he has been manipulating
3. start documenting everything he does, changes in behaviour how much he is doing for kids etc. This can help build your case for why 50:50 is not in kids best interests and might help show patterns in his behaviour towards you
4. get the divorce started ASAP and make sure you as ask for financial dislcosure. Sooner you file sooner you are getting on with your life.

good luck OP

That's why he cried and begged you to stay. Sorry to be brutal OP but he was probably thinking of his pension and very comfortable live with a live in cleaner and child minder. I think I would have cried too!

Get your paperwork sorted, go and have a one off consultation with a solicitor and start the divorce petition online. It's more a tickbox thing and £600 but there is a 20 week cooling off period (5 months!) before you can continue the process so start it now. Use the solicitor or a mediator for the financial split, and if the children are 12yrs+ then let them decide on how much they want to see him. Claim cms once you know how many nights he'll have them.

Good luck

Perhaps it’s because I’ve been on mumsnet for a while and read so many posts from women in abusive relationships, so I could be way off, but there are a few concerns here for me:

• he’s treated you badly, especially since children (although you haven’t gone into the specifics)
• he’s tight (read - financially controlling?)
• despite what you’ve just read, YOU have misplaced feelings of guilt and worry about him that suggest you are used to prioritising his feelings
• he relies on an image of good family man
• His ChatGPT prompts sound very cold and specifically don’t regard your feelings at all.

I guess I’m saying some men are not dangerous until they are. Do you need to seek further advice here? Does he have quite a temper? As satisfying as some suggestions might be about throwing this in his face, you may need to think about how to handle a situation where he is blindsided by not having ultimate control over the end of the relationship.

Talk 50 50 from the start. Don't sabotage yourself by telling yourself how much the kids would hate that.

Sound reasonable and fair from the beginning so he can't say you're trying to alienate them by going for full custody - because in reality he (and the woman he very possibly has got lined up) won't want the reality of that responsibility.

Get an appointment with a solicitor and find out your rights.

Realise I’ve also left off other ‘alarm bells’, the pressure around sex and the abusive shouting at you calling you a bitch or cunt in front of the children (which is abuse, of both you and the children).

Do women on here not realise it takes two to Tango? Her Husband very obviously has his reasons for wanting to leave the marriage - did you purposefully choose to turn a blind eye to that? Because he has a Penis? OP is a big winer and he is fed up of her equally.

This place is something else. Get a flipping life and stop loving people based on their genitalia.

He is making do with you until he has someone else to go to. Men don't leave until they have someone else to go to. He is saving his money and getting organised, i suggest you do the same.
You maybe be married but you no longer have a relationship. Give yourself a deadline to work to.
You and your children deserve peace and contentment.

You may not realise it yet but you have all the power. Men love what you have (and will do virtually anything for it). You just need to start acting like it! I must repeat, you have all the power. Talk like a boss and deal with him appropriately. 💄💪

OP: If he feels he's lacking affection and wants you to reflect on your behaviour why not provide more affection and be cheerful and friendly towards him?

If he's doing the bare minimum then specify what the bare minimum is ("You need to wash up 5 times a week, cook 4 times a week and do a shop.")

I really think making this relationship happy would be way easier than finding a new one. Your kids kids get to have two parents as well.

Try a 14 day experiment. Be cheerful, be affectionate. At the same time give him some clear, specific tasks he need to carry out See if things get better. If they do great. If not, end the marriage at that point.

Happy wife, happy life, as they say.

He called you a c&nt in front of your kids?
That is the end right now.
If you stay, and have a son, he will call his first girlfriend a c&nt and the cycle will continue.
Break the chain.

He calls her a c&nt in front of their children.

I have no interest in finding a new relationship. And my kids will still have 2 parents.

As everyone else has said, get yourself sorted, find as much evidence of his financial position as possible (I'm guessing because he's tight with money and does fuck al around the house he earns a reasonable amount - they usually do) and if you think it's going to take time, I'd be joining the gym or starting a hobby a couple of times twice a week - sit in a cafe with a book if you need to just don't be at home - so he can actually start to parent occasionally and your children aren't so wholly reliant on you as you do want to try and co-parent where possible.
Good luck and I bet you'll feel amazing once the dust has settled and you are free of this pig.

@needaglowupnow - you have clearly ingested some form of Koolaid….. I suggest you go and lie down in cool room with an ice pack on your forehead, and wait for the effect to wear off

Set your children an example and walk away from a miserable existence. Your kids will be much happier because you are.

And absolutely agree, even without the ChatGPT thing, if my husband called me a cunt at any point let alone in front of my children he's be long gone. He's clearly done a number on you and you've lost sight of what is normal and this is most definitely not plus is a really poor example of healthy relationships for your children so sooner you get him out the better. A partner should be the one on your side, cheerleading you, supporting you and adding to your life - if they don't, you're better off on your own.

The Handmaid’s Tale….
do you have a different gauge around affection where ‘cunt’ is a pet name?

And as for @needaglowupnow no words