Found DH ChatGPT conversation considering an affair or leaving me.

[BeachFace]

My husband doesnt understand ChatGPT and that conversations are saved and neatly labelled. So today I saw a conversation on the PC at home "marriage troubles"

In a long conversation he says the following

"I couldn't care less about how she feels. I care about how i feel. Im not interested in what's she thinks. I care about my own feelings and my kids" (in resposne to ChatGPT trying to say I have feelings too)

"She's a hormonal mess. Adhd probably too looking at her. Bored of having to support her or listen to her. I deserve affection"

"How to make her sit down and listen and reflect on her behaviour"

"Weighing up whether to get affection from elsewhere or just leave her"

I haven't cherrypicked bits. There isn't one message that shows any love for me.

The weird thing as I read it I felt relief rather than sadness

I actually asked for a divorce in 2025 after he was so horrible to me after birth of our kids. And he begged me and committed to therapy. Lots of "i know it's a two way thing and I need to make some effort"

This is a man who does bare minimum and ive tolerated it for a long time,but who begged me to stay and promised to work on our relationship.

I know I need to leave. I'm so scared. Im so confused if he feels like this why did he beg like a crazy person for me to stay less than a year ago. He begged and cried and said he loved me more than ever

If he's so fed up why wont he let me go??? Do I say anything what i saw?

Please don't listen to this utter nonsense.

Any person who leaves all the parenting to their partner, ignores them, shouts that they're a bitch and a cunt, makes snide remarks and then gets annoyed when sex isn't delivered to them as and when they need it is a completely lost cause.

You know already that you need to get far away from this person. He doesn't even consider you to be a person, never mind liking you or loving you. It'll be hard but worth it.

There's a couple of very strange posters on here. I feel like I'm in an alternative universe 🤣

I hope you can quietly get yourself sorted @BeachFace and get away from him ASAP. He has no respect for you. It's a good thing you saw the chatGPT. I wouldn't let him know anything.

Ew. Handmaiden alert!

Seriously, she has to pander to this POS? Play happy wifey while he has to make zero changes and gets it all his way?

Fuck no. Line up those ducks and go. If you end up with more than 50/50, make sure he pays his CMS.

I know you feel overwhelmed and your hands are full.
You need a step by step plan.
Once you have a plan, you head will be clearer.

Here is what I suggest:

1. Don't change your behaviour at all. That will set his alarm bells ringing. Act exactly as if everything is just the same.
2. While he has no idea of what is coming, you need to use this time for finding evidence of his finances. You say he is tight, so it is highly likely that he will try to hide assets to cheat you and the DC out of a fair financial settlement. You owe it to your DC to get what is due to them. This means hunting around for any evidence of his savings accounts, investments, and pensions, plus receipts for any really expensive purchases like cars or watches that he has bought to 'store' money.
3. Bide your time. Once you have uncovered as much financial information as you can, start keeping a diary of how much childcare he is doing, including not just times he 'babysits for you' but also how much time he spends caring for the children, making their food, doing bed times, taking them out, etc. Most likely he will try to claim 50/50 childcare in court to avoid paying you maintenance, so you need evidence that he does next to f**k all for them, and you will insist in court that he will have them every other weekend at most.
4. Take a moment to have a think about where you want to live. Would you aim to buy him out of the house and stay put, or do you want it sold so you have a fresh start in a new home without all the bad memories? There is no rush, you don't need to decide this right away.
5. Then get a meeting with a solicitor booked, file for divorce, and take it from there. Hopefully he will move out, but it may be that you have to live in the same house while separated, until the divorce comes through.

Don't panic - you've got this.

If a man came on and said his wife had been treating him this badly, was still demanding sex affection, then was trying to guilt-trip him when he (understandably) wasn’t in the mood, he’d almost certainly get the same advice.

What has OP said to lead you to believe “he must be pretty awesome”? Can you quote the parts that make him sound like an “awesome” guy to you?
If you’re just basing this on the fact that she married him - lots of women marry abusive men without realising; it’s often after marriage, during pregnancy, or after having a baby that the mask slips. He wasn’t “utterly perfect” recently - he ignores her, makes snide remarks, calls her a bitch and a cunt in front of the children, he does the bare minimum, and he was so horrible to her after the birth of their kids that she asked for a divorce in 2025. He’s made the right noises for the past year, after begging her to stay, but it was clearly just an act if he’s been considering seeking out an affair.

He could have communicated with OP and kept his promise to work on himself if he wanted to save the relationship. Instead he chose to act like a lazy, selfish, entitled manbaby, talking to ChatGPT about his relationship like an angsty 14 year old rather than having a grown-up conversation with his wife.

Absolute madness to suggest OP should do even more to try to make him happy, even if it’s only for 14 days, when he’s been an ass for years and “couldn’t care less about how she feels”.

I’m sorry OP but I’d leave him simply for being such a mindless lemming that he is talking to bloody ChatGPT like it’s an actual person.

“Happy wife happy life” means doing things to make your wife happy, not the wife pretending to be happy after being called a cunt and all the Chat GPT slating. Honestly this is the worst advice ever 🙈

You're telling OP to manipulate her husband for two weeks to see if he treats her better? Knowing that as soon as she stops her manipulation, he will also revert to treating her terribly.. why would anyone lower themselves to that??

Try a 14 day experiment. Be cheerful, be affectionate. At the same time give him some clear, specific tasks he need to carry out.

The thing that pisses me off here is that you think OP would be happy with the above, when it's an absolute joke, no woman ever wants to give 'instructions' or 'tasks' to their husband, they want their husbands to be 50/50 in effort in the relationship, this is where a lot of relationships fail, the husband becomes more and more reliant on the wife to be their 'mother' and tell them what to do, in fact, your "advice" is more suited to someone with a teenage son.

The basic bare bones of a relationships should be mutual respect, he has none for her, you can't come back from that IMO.

So sorry OP, reading your posts give me the rage on your behalf. I know you have a past with him and things are never so neat and easy but honestly you do not owe him any loyalty or even an explanation. He's dead weight to you now. Disengage, check out and get organised.

Why should she have to “give” him a list of things to do? He isn't a child. I don’t have to tell my husband the basics that need doing around the house. He has eyes just like me. He’s an adult just like me. He gets on with it just like me.

These men who need “telling” and “lists” are just fucking pathetic and don’t deserve a chance tbh. Prepping a list is just more mental work and you can bet this lazy piece of shit wouldn’t do any of it anyway. Men like this can fuck off back to mummy.

I'm sorry you found out this way, OP. I chuckled at a PP saying he is dumber than a rock, he really is, as is the '14 day experiment' MRA/handmaiden.

Your strategy is now to stay 5 steps ahead - float like a butterfly, and sting like a nest of hornets.

I agree with the other posters who said do everything you can to get info on house value, pensions, salaries etc.
See a solicitor and have them ready to instruct.
Given that he has been verbally abusive, you need to get ready for him to turn nasty - put anything valuable/sentimental in storage (or leave them with a trusted person) for safe keeping. I would also speak with Women's Aid for advice.
Change all the passwords on your devices, ensure you have good antiviral protection to ensure he can't install key loggers etc.

but he really can bloody shout when he gets going. Calling me a bitch, cunt etc. He'll do it in front of the kids. He hasn't for ages as we dont argue anymore but I know hes got it in him.

Good grief!
I'd be out the door like a shot if any man had ever spoken to me like that.
And in front of your kids?

They'll be damaged by these violent outbursts. He's a bully.

You have to leave.

Don't be ridiculous.
He swears at her in front of their children.
Bullies her.
Shouts.

'Be affectionate. Be cheerful'

Are you serious?

You're asking her to be a 'happy wife'?
And you think he will become the perfect husband by washing up 5 nights a week?

You sound like a people pleaser and you are used to putting other people's needs ahead of your own. But once you decide to put your own needs first it's not that difficult. It's like turning a page in a book. You decide. When thoughts of feeling guilty creep in, push them away. Guilt is the most pointless emotion we carry. Get yourself together and move on. This guy is going round in circles. Stop following him and listening to his nonsense

This is someone's life

Indeed. So a 14 day experiment to see if things can be salvaged seems a more reasonable course than immediate LTB, especially since there are children involved.

Would it be a mistake for the OP's DH to correct the things he does wrong for 14 days to see if things improve?

But it's academic, because the OP has decided to leave, and that's fine and I'm sure they will both be happy.

@DannyDeever

Is your advice to OP that in response to her husband shouting in her face that she's a bitch and a cunt, then sulking when she won't have sex with him, a 14 day experiment in which she expends even more energy than it's taken not to put him under the patio, thinking of little man tasks for him to perform, presenting them to him in a palatable way and smiling at him to boost his ego?

Because it sounds like that's what you are suggesting to me.

Maybe, seeing as there are children involved the onus might be on the father of those children not to scream at their mother that she's a bitch and a cunt, while they're watching.

Not for her to to mental backflips to try and cheer him up a bit.

Are you incapable of anything other than this binary thinking?

In what world are all men who women marry for whatever reason 'perfect husbands'?!

You are not coming across as genuine here.

Yes, and if he was posting here then I'm sure he'd rightly be told to try changing the things the OP doesn't like and see if things improve rather than leaving without checking for easy fixes. Certainly I'd be saying that.

He's been having a conversation with Chat GPT like it's a mate? What a fucking loser.

Keep quiet, screenshot, ducks in a row, and file for divorce. You deserve better.

I really don't know why anyone is engaging with the silly posts 🙄