Found DH ChatGPT conversation considering an affair or leaving me.

[BeachFace]

My husband doesnt understand ChatGPT and that conversations are saved and neatly labelled. So today I saw a conversation on the PC at home "marriage troubles"

In a long conversation he says the following

"I couldn't care less about how she feels. I care about how i feel. Im not interested in what's she thinks. I care about my own feelings and my kids" (in resposne to ChatGPT trying to say I have feelings too)

"She's a hormonal mess. Adhd probably too looking at her. Bored of having to support her or listen to her. I deserve affection"

"How to make her sit down and listen and reflect on her behaviour"

"Weighing up whether to get affection from elsewhere or just leave her"

I haven't cherrypicked bits. There isn't one message that shows any love for me.

The weird thing as I read it I felt relief rather than sadness

I actually asked for a divorce in 2025 after he was so horrible to me after birth of our kids. And he begged me and committed to therapy. Lots of "i know it's a two way thing and I need to make some effort"

This is a man who does bare minimum and ive tolerated it for a long time,but who begged me to stay and promised to work on our relationship.

I know I need to leave. I'm so scared. Im so confused if he feels like this why did he beg like a crazy person for me to stay less than a year ago. He begged and cried and said he loved me more than ever

If he's so fed up why wont he let me go??? Do I say anything what i saw?

I've reported the poster as it's clear they're trying to derail and dilute a thread when the OP needs support. I've seen it time and again, post something outrageous where abuse has been described, they lap up all the attention, shifting away from the OP.

Reads like something out of an MRA/incel playbook.

I would ask him today if he realises that the chat is saved and see what he has to say.
Tell him that as he’s obviously so unhappy and hasn’t altered his behaviour since HE begged you to give him another chance that you are done.
It is scary facing the unknown but I think it’s better to do it alone than stay with the person you’ve described.
Hope you feel a little better as the day has gone on and your normal routine has kicked in.

I have too, for the same reasons.

Me 3

If Danny is still married by some stroke of luck, then he's got a shock coming.

I'm cheerful and affectionate. Am I doing something wrong?

Wow!! That’s about as bad as it gets isn’t it? Call me a petty cow but I’d have to print that out on a series of A4s and glue it all over something he actually does have feelings for. His car perhaps or his laptop. What an absolute cunt.

Divorce is always a horrible business but it's a lot better than being stuck in a loveless marriage with a man who despises you.

Divorce also has a beginning, a middle, and an end.

Once it's over you will be free to build a new life on your own terms. Just think of that. There's a whole new wonderful future out there waiting for you.

Gather all financial information. Gather all important documentation. Take legal advice. Begin proceedings.

The moment your H starts up being aggressive or abusive, contact the police. He sounds like a nasty piece of work and you don't have to handle him on your own.

The OP works full time. I love this assumption that women don’t work. Always pops up on cheating threads.

Its convienant, money or the unknown usually.
I wonder how people like this live together daily and then be ti scared to excape..couldnt get any worse? If not better.

I think your marriage is over. There is no coming back from that, even if you had believed the marriage to be blissfully happy. And you did not.
I would screenshot the chat , and I would tell him that I had seen it. I would not tell him how you feel ( he doesn’t care ), let him try and figure it out, because he will need to know. But Id be arranging separate rooms, and he wouldn’t be getting the marital bed.
You need to get mean with money too, dont pay more than your share,.Start a defence fund, and start spending a bit on yourself too.If he doesn't agree a joint purchase, don’t just get it anyway, even if it’s for your children.
And you need to stop being the one who does everything for the children. He clearly thinks he does more than his share already, so this will probably make him angry. I note you’ve been trying to prevent that because he is then abusive to you in front of your children. I think you need to vow to yourself that from right now, you will never again appease this man, cover for his bad behaviour or take on more than your share. Let him be angry. But don’t tolerate abuse. Call the police, every time. Shouting and using offensive language is a crime, and it is an aggravated crime when it happens in front of children. Call the Police and have him removed.

Your children are young and you work and do all the childcare, so most likely you have neglected yourself and your relationships with family, friends and colleagues. You matter, you are important, you deserve better. Find ways to remind yourself of that Start making changes , reach out to others, demand time for yourself. Start centring yourself, he is. And you will move on.
And this bastard will be floundering in your slipstream.

“Happy wife, happy life” means the husband behaves in a way to make his wife happy, because when she’s happy, he’s happy, and their life together is happy. I’ve usually heard it used jokingly by older men explaining why they are “letting her have her own way”. I’ve never heard of it being used to exhort women to be a cheerful, compliant wife before 🧐

Anyway, @BeachFace I don’t think I can add anything further to the good advice you’ve been given, so I wish you all the best in your divorce and hope your life gets much better without him 💐

Yes, you are posting very bad advice on this thread. So bad it is actually harmful to the OP.

You are also basing this "advice" on what you think she wrote and not what she's actually written. Go back and re-read.

Yeah, so how about he tries to make her happy?

What sort of utterly ridiculous 'surrendered' stuff is this? How the hell is the OP supposed to paste a smile on her face after finding this on ChatGPT? Have you no heart?

I suppose her husband could always order a Stepford wife; much easier than handling a real relationship with a real woman.

You don’t want to be with him.
And he doesn’t want to be with you.

Can you arrange a time for your DCs to go to your parents and then sit down and discuss it with him.

You both want the same thing.
Tell him you saw the chat and you’re both on the same page so now you both need to be mature and see how to split in a way that’s going to have the least impact on your DCs.

@EvangelicalAboutButteredToast generally @outerspacepotato gives extremely good, sensible and compassionate advice - if she missed that the OP worked on this occasion, it's a rare slip.

Yeah, so how about he tries to make her happy?

If he asked on here I would suggest exactly that. Wouldn't you? Or would you advice him to change nothing and get all his ducks in a row?

That's so awful. At least you know how he feels though.
The sudden gym and healthy eating are clearly him attempting to become more attractive. Hes basically getting ready to just side step into another relationship (if he ever gets an offer).
Start sorting what you'll need in terms of paperwork, get a solicitor in place. When you're ready tell him what you've decided & what is going to happen. He doesnt get a say in your life choices anymore.

If a man posted on here saying I've found out my wife is considering having an affair, she doesn't do anything around the house, she just sits on her phone all night and completely ignores my existence, if I try to bring anything up she shouts at me and calls me a bitch and a cunt in front of the children.

You'd advise him to be more cheerful and affectionate to try and make her happy?

I highly doubt it.

He'll end up paying for it.

I wish it would be that simple. The chat wasnt "i want to leave because the marriage has run its course"...it was "my wife is hormonal mess who never puts out. How do I make her see how she is at fault and change her ways and give me the affection I deserve". What is so shocking to me is his v clear view that our problems are caused be me alone and that he couldn't care less what I think or feel and basically need to be a "better wife" e..g have sex with him more, speak up less.

This is not a mature realisation we dont love one another. He is furious at me and hates me. He doesnt want me to leave. He wants me to put up and shut up - and leaving is the opposite of that.

The decision is made. You're leaving. Don't analyse his point of view, he'll be fine, people always are.

You want to leave him. He's now given you evidence of how he feels. So you are quite justified in ending the relationship. You don't need to analyse what he meant or worry about whether what you are doing is justified.

(Of course the actual practicalities aren't necessarily simple but then they never are.)

Based on what you've said, he sounds abusive. Presumably he has some good qualities but it doesn't sound as if they have been much on display for years. You're not obliged to stay just because he begged. Suspect he'll beg you again so be prepared for that.

this has the same energy as:

buy yourself a present out of the joint account. Wrap it up and put it under the tree from him.
then come Christmas Day, be delighted and kiss him on the cheek.

🤨