The Dating Thread 59 - meeting in midsummer with passion ablaze🔥

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Thanks @Nosdacariad !

I just came to catch up & I didn't realise that I'd missed a whole thread. I've just skimmed through the last one... Things got a bit horrible there for a little while, didn't they. Sorry for those of you who were upset. empirebiscuits12 You are lovely

Some people don't want to be helped.

Anyway! Hello everybody, great to read the positive updates. Nosdacariad your Mr Planes is still a positive, for now? Despite a few niggles.

Ilovelurchers I've had barely any luck on Hinge. When I first joined up I was like 'Wow, so this is where all the men are!' about 3 times the amount, locally to me, as Bumble has. But then everybody who I liked hasn't liked me & everybody who likes me, well, I don't like them

My most recent chat was one who goes on & on about their kids & it just grates on me. Your kids should be important to you. They should be 'Your world'. It's not something that I'm going to give you credit for, just because you say it every 5 seconds! (He sent 14 messages & every one mentioned his kids)

That's my rant for the day. I'll try to keep up with this thread!

Hi @NervesOfCotton I wasn't on previous threads. I've been on and off Hinge for 4 to 5 years (I'm London based). This is what has worked for me.

Sending likes likes likes all the free ones I can every day, knowing I would get nothing back. I did this quickly and freely so that I didn't get too offended!!! I think ? this built up something algorithm wise, but god knows.

Then with the likes I received I would not filter too heavily and match fairly easily and then let people chat to me. But not endlessly. But more than 2 weeks without meeting up.

So I'd be matched with a bunch at the same time 15+ but not adding new matches just working my way through those.

Then I arrange to go for a 1hr coffee 2 or 3 on the same day. I did this in December and was dating my fave bf ever. We just split up amicably (I know this is contradictory and can explain another time!!!) and so I'm back on.

I saw it as my own personal speed dating!

My profile has been paused since Dec and I unpaused it end of May and repaused it pretty quickly again!!! Just chatting to my matches.

I also wonder whether the stop start helps with my profile getting pushed to more people. I don't know. I have never paid for anything.

(I was on the last thread, I think it's worth knowing you can do pretty much everything on Hinge whilst your account i, only thing I've not been able to do is send likes.)

@Nosdacariad Thank you for the new thread!

@Eesha@ElleintheWoodsYou might be right. Mr Social sent me a bunch of messages again this evening. Mostly videos he thought I might find amusing. Am just keeping things friendly for now. A little worried about the repercussions of venturing into flirty.

@Missj25I agree it sounds like he’s hoping you’ve changed your mind. Classic tactic - wait for a while then pop up again, essentially trying to hit the reset button. Good for you for holding out for something more if that’s what you’re after.

Planes is hanging in there 🙂
I bet this guy doesn't see his kids.

following! Thanks for the new thread @Nosdacariad

Sounding organised and productive here - enjoy and keep us updated!

I have never paid, I have noticed that just not going on (not officially paused) for a while then going back to have a look really increases my likes/messages that first couple of days. I guess maybe I fell off ‘last online’ searches but then bounce upto the top and look new - as probably your pause does as well.

Thank you for the new thread @Nosdacariad- hope Planes is pulling himself back up too!

Thanks b0zza1. Sounds like you've got it all worked out!

Nosdacariad I had the same thought, regarding kids.

@MsJinks I am in observation mode with ✈️🛩

I will reply, but listening to this Miley Cyrus song that I've only just discovered from 2023!

It is called Flowers in case anyone doesn't like to follow links. Or it doesn't work.

'We were good, we were gold
Kinda dream that can't be sold
We were right 'til we weren't
Built a home and watched it burn
Mm, I didn't wanna leave you
I didn't wanna lie
Started to cry, but then remembered I
I can buy myself flowers
Write my name in the sand
Talk to myself for hours
Say things you don't understand
I can take myself dancing
And I can hold my own hand
Yeah, I can love me better than you can'

I love this song! I sing it loudly every time I DO buy myself flowers (which is quite often) , to my daughter's great annoyance.

@Nosdacariad,thanks for the new thread! Let's hope this one remains an INCEL free zone...... 🙄

Still not matches on Hinge.... But I do have about 25 likes. Can't see them as I haven't paid for membership - has anybody on here paid for Hinge, and if so do you think it's worth it?

I've got my Mr Cars date tonight, so of course it might all be completely moot..... (He wants to fix my broken washing machine at some point, and I would give A LOT for a man who would do stuff like that. 🤣)

Ooh exciting - yes, totally agree what are men even for if not to fix stuff, and move spiders!

I don't pay and I see my likes. But only one at a time. Go to likes and click on the photo of the first profile, it'll be at the top. Then like or don't like. I don't normally bother messaging. I just like and move onto the next one. So you could see all 25 today, just depends how quickly you go through it.

Keep liking from the home page, but dont expect to get much from that. God knows why.

💯

Same as @b0zza1 I go through my likes as I receive them and then you don’t have to pay. I absolutely refuse to give money to dating apps!

I’m chatting to 3 people on Hinge atm (another 3 are giving me the silent treatment) but one just sent me a message saying he’s met someone else and is pausing his account! Probably a cut and paste job - I can’t decide if it’s worse than just unmatching without a word?

Haven’t heard from the Breeze guy, who I’ll call Mr Convenience, since I switched the date venue to a location of my choosing! Hopefully that means he is still coming!

Apparently Breeze now do group dates where you turn up and there are an even number of multiple men and women. You’re just given a time, date and venue and don’t see the profiles beforehand. Not sure how well that would work. Less pressure but you might all end vying for one person’s attention snd I’m not sure I want to see my competition! That said, when I did speed dating once the women were lovely and more enjoyable to chat to than the men!

Sorry @Nosdacariad also meant to thank you for the new thread! :)

Thank you - I have worked out how to do this now.

There were about three of the ones who had liked me who seemed ok, so I have matched with them. I guess it's just good to maximise one's options.....

Yes I feel like when you’re new to an app it’s good to get matches just to feel like you’ve got the ball rolling. Fingers crossed that they chat.

For sure. I had 100+ likes and then paused my account. I'm currently matched with 20 and in various stages of convo. (They know I don't have notifications turned on and that I dont' pick up messages everyday.)

I'll keep an eye on how many I don't match with, vs those that I do (as I didn't notice those numbers before). But I would have thought I match with more than I don't match with. Basically I work to if there is something off putting then I won't match. But if there is nothing I particularly dislike then I'll let them chat to me. I don't spend much capacity chatting with folks ahead of having a quick coffee and so I guess it's just a question of where I apply the filter.

I'm super selective in person. In Dec I had 100+ likes (and then paused my account) and got down to 1.5 guys at the end. I probably had coffees with 7 or so guys from that? And second dates with 3. And down to my 1! Had the best relationship ever for 5 mths!!! And now I'm after my 100 to 1 again!

Definitely - I've got my first chat going on there, so that feels good!

He seems nice too, though it's still early days.

I am rubbish at finding my way around any new tech, so if you guys hadn't mentioned that I could actually see the guys who liked me, I would probably never have realised this! Thank you.

A friend of mine joined Hinge recently and said she had no matches, and I wonder if the same thing happened to her - might check in with her actually. Given how often men supposedly swipe right, it seems unrealistic that any woman wouldn't get a single like.......