The Dating Thread 59 - meeting in midsummer with passion ablaze🔥

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@MsJinks You're right, I don't actually feel the need to slow down just hanging out with him right now. He's good company and time flies when we're just yapping. We're going to a restaurant near mine though so might be flying through the stages tonight 🫣

@Nosdacariad just catching up.

Im so pleased you binned him off.
He was not good enough for you.

I also think it was potentially too early to love him, there would have been lust and longing and attraction and potentially you were in love with the idea of him and the relationship.....but I honesty believe to truly love somebody it does take time to know that person inside and out in all kinds of scenarios.

When people talk about that first flush of love hitting them, the real love endures and grows and it deepens as your connection deepens and time passes.

The first few months / 6 months of any relationship should be full of joy, laughter and passion, it should never leave you confused and unsure. If there are red flags to you in those early days then that person is not meant for you. Simply put he was not your guy.

Your guy is out there if you want him. Remove the roadblock in your way....thats all planes is....a roadblock

❤️

@OneShyQuail thank you. I really appreciate you taking the trouble to write this.

I appreciate ALL of you taking the trouble.

I am marking on top of my day job for the next couple of weeks then I'll maybe venture out again!

@CleanShirt looking forward to THAT update!

You got this 🫶

Some great date updates on here ladies, lovely to read ❤️

Im drowning in end of year marking, assessments and getting young people through their qualifications whilst juggling the madness of two children in two different schools and their end of year activities and awards/shows etc with their hobbies......

Roll on a break in 3 weeks 😂

I hate that that prick has made you feel like this.

Remember, that was his intention. Why else would anyone say such a thing? He wasn't speaking the truth as he saw it - he was trying to weaken you somehow, make you feel like you were lucky he wanted you....

And you really fucking showed him, which is brilliant! I vet he will think twice before he inflcts that sort of thing on another victim.....

If I believed stuff me exes told me, I would believe:
A) I am unattractive
B) I have a rare mental disorder that my counsellor diagnosed, but didn't mention to me, she just told me ex about it apparently when he started having counselling with her afterrwards. (I in no way believe this is true + if I did I would have tried to have her struck off).
C) I have nothing to offer a man. (That was actually said by my most recent ex who I am still friends with! 😱)

Men, some men anyway, will say any old shit to increase their power over us. Maybe some women play the same tricks, though I suspect (and hope) it's rarer.....

That is a LOT - I remember the end of term exhaustion.

Meanwhile, Village is still messaging but no date suggestions - I'm not going to chase this time, it's in his court.

And I AM going to carry on swiping, chatting and dating as if he didn't exist for the time being, including my date with Mr Comedy tonight (this is not one I have high hopes of - or rather, I think we will have a good connection but I imagine more as friends than anything else).

I've also invited FWB over Sunday night - my relationship with him has been one of the best things about being single, so I want to enjoy it while I can.

Finally I am also organising lots of non-dating things to keep myself busy - planning a picnic for my birthday - lookong at theatre listings for next year - and considering booking a short camping break on my own when my daughter is with her dad over the summer (something I have always wanted to do and never managed).

It's working actually - I am barely thinking about Village at all! Whereas my previous MO would have been to spend my time mopping and staring soulfully at my phone, and desperately trying to carve our excuses to text him that didn't make me sound too mental. (Though they always did......)

I do think it was on purpose and it may have been because I had started to assert myself regarding the harem. Or maybe because two people told him he was "punching".

My only question is why are you friends with someone who said you have nothing to offer a man? It's not even the insult, it's the idea that offering a man something is important.

Also @Ilovelurchers well done for keeping busy.

@Ilovelurchers good for you. I'm taking the same stance with Mr Mullet. If he wants to see me he can ask.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5548886-the-dating-thread-60-summer-fling?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

It's a good question, and I probably shouldn't be. I guess because he said it in anger....

But it did show me who he really is, and is one of (a number of) reasons we are no longer together.....

But this is a good point, and it's something I question myself......

@Ilovelurchers Good for you, those all sound fun! And what the heck, life is too short, so if seeing the FWB is also going to be a fun activity then why not 😄 I would too! Hope the date with Mr Comedy is enjoyable at least.

i briefly went on the apps on Sunday, matched with someone, had great chat, and now just can’t be bothered messaging back. He seemed nice but then mentioned he’s not long out of a 20 year relationship. Profile is going firmly back on pause again.

Sorry everybody, I'm just catching up but Nosdacariad Wow! What an absolute loser he is, & after you gave him so many chances, too. Prize twat.