The Dating Thread 59 - meeting in midsummer with passion ablaze🔥

[Nosdacariad]

The Rules:
-The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
-Develop a thick skin
-Do not invest emotionally too soon
-It’s all BS until it actually happens
-Trust your gut instinct
-People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
-Know your worth
-If it's not fun, stop
-Loo update is mandatory
-No dating the thread
-Treat others as you'd like to be treated
-Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
-The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
If you're wondering if you're being too picky/should give another chance after the second chance/should try harder - the answer is invariably NO! You're not and you shouldn't. If this, now, is as good as it's going to get, the A game, then do you want what comes next?!
-OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Maybe he just wants to snap you up! Knows what he wants 😁

Dear @Nosdacariad, I have thought about you quite a bit today, and how rotten you must be feeling - but it sounds like you are doing SO well. Especially with the added provocation of his landlady (who sounds like a flying monkey to me....) putting her manipu-posts on social media, no doubt designed to grab your attention and cause you some pain/disquiet. Whatever happened to Girl Code?

Anywat, you are proving that you are capable of rising above it, and that's brilliant! Remember to work in terms of days at the moment - every day that passes without you texting him is a victory in itself, and it will get easier and easier.....

Are you able to do things to take your mind off it)cheer yourself up? I wish we all lived in the same town and could take you out to a pub quiz or a karaoke, and yell-sing "I Will Survive" after downing half our own body weights in cheap white wine/nosescco of the non-drinkers....

Bur you must treat yourself, whatever that looks like to you - a takeaway, a jigsaw, some home spa treatments - whatever you enjoy that would be a fitting reward to yourself for how bloody awesomely well you have stood up for yourself!

I also wondered if I could get a bit of advice from you lovely, wise women.

Village has yet to firm up a date for date 2. (We have agreed we both want it and picked the venue). He has explained why it's taking time - issues with his kids' mom which he has alludes to separately and I believe are genuine - rightly or wrongly I am not stressing, as I feel confident it will happen.

Nontheless, we are obviously not exclusive yet, so I am still losselt chatting to others. One of whom, Mr Comedy, I am actually meant to be having a date with tomorrow night - this was actually first booked in before I even matches with Village!

Should I still go? I really like Comedy - the only red flag is that I suspect I won't fancy him in person. It's possible I might, of course .....

I also feel tempted to tee up a last hurrah with my lovely FWB - again, would this be wrong? Or should I take advantage of what could possibly be (who knows) my last few weeks of non-exclusivity die quite a while..... ?

(What annoys me most about this is that most guys probably wouldn't even question it. Village is probably wining and dining women as we speak - and I wouldn't blame him in the slightest!

I know we are all different - but any thoughts on this topic greatly appreciated.

Thank you, I'm so grateful to you.

It really bloody hurts right now, but I was going to end it several times

After second date when I found out about ex over the road
About four weeks ago when I found out about the affair
On Weds am when he announced solo drinks with ex at hers
On Weds night when he had a skinful and let on he was still in touch with affair partner
Then finally did it Sat am.

If you will feel good about it, do it.

Village sounds complicated so good to have other irons in the proverbial 😘

And if I find a Boden Anna dress in black or purple, that's my treat. Even if I'm not as slim as women who are normally attractive to planes 😁

@Ilovelurchersyou are free and single, don’t feel bad at all about dating Mr Comedy or seeing fwb, Mr Village needs to step up confirm date 2 with you, if he really wants to snap you up he will, if he doesn’t his loss. I guess you know him more and whether he seems genuine.

Im 5 weeks into bumble, still no date, plenty of convos with irons and was excited about one in particular but he wouldn’t confirm a date when I asked and was only interested in talking dirty, so I’ve stopped that one, shame he was so hot.
Another I was supposed to date last Friday but he cancelled on the day as the weather was too hot for him! and didn’t suggest another date, I can’t be bothered chasing and If he really wanted to, he’d suggest an alternative date.

I have put a potential date on hold as I had a definite date 2 (Mr Tree) but I was already in bed with Tree at date 1 so felt it not right for me to start setting others up if I would be continuing to see him/sleep with him.

I’m not good at juggling tbf but I have been happy to set other dates up pre sex with any - so I think it’s more than fine to see Mr Comedy - more irons in the fire can’t be a bad thing!

The FWB I have done this and gone on dates - probably wouldn’t now - idk how I’d feel if I ended up in love and remembered early on I’d still been with FWB as I probably wouldn’t like it the other way around perhaps. But actually there’s nothing wrong with it and it would help with any over investment potential too.

Mr Village sounds great - no stress to you - but logistics may get difficult- but who knows!

So from me it’s a yes to Comedy not sure to FWB - but I am no wise woman at all!

Cancelled due to heat? A bit drippy.

@Ilovelurchers No right or wrong answer here. I think it’s fine to go if you would like to and don’t feel uncomfortable with the idea.

Ah - glad you have a treat in mind.

I just bought some amazingly colourful wedges - I have horrible feet according to one ex, (tbf they’re not so great) I'm not so slim as Mr Ex Situationship normally accepts, I’m also not as stunning as his ex, and I’ll never be happy or find anyone as good as my first, (or 2nd weirdly) husband, as I’m a unattractive non so nice person - there’s probably a lot more wrong with me - despite my numerous failings Mr Tree and my kids liked my new shoes, and most importantly they make me happy 😃
So enjoy when you get your fabulous dress for fabulous you.

Hope you’re doing ok today xx

Thanks lovely @MsJinks someone pointed out to me last night that if it talks like a duck...planes harem really IS a harem?

Did anyone else think that?

I was wondering if so many women could be misled all knowing about each other..

Fuck these men who put us down and make us feel rubbish about ourselves (not literally. In fact do the opposite of fuck them). Planes has no right to make you feel that way, @Nosdacariad. Remember how that feels when you feel your resolve waning - you deserve someone who makes you feel like the most beautiful woman on earth.

I would absolutely go on other dates, @Ilovelurchers. We have to play the numbers. Less sure about whether I'd pursue the FWB personally, but that is very much a personal decision. No wrong answer.

The old maxim of "if he wanted to, he would" remains as true now as ever. Mr Physics has never given me a moment of doubt that he is interested - he is keen, invested, setting up dates (including taking me out somewhere for my birthday) and clearly wants to pursue things with me. I have had too many years of men who are lukewarm, and this makes me realise what I deserved all along.

This is great news, and @MsJinks the shoes sound fab.

@Nosdacariad you might find it helpful to give yourself a challenge over the next six weeks to distract you. Could be reading X number of books, crafting something, some
specific fitness challenge, making X new recipes. Anything that brings you joy and some distraction, and you’ll probably find that your brain is much less “him” filled by the end

Also, if you feel desperate to write to him, try writing to an AI tool instead. As @MsJinks has said, they can be helpful to keep you in check. Though watch out on how biased ChatGPT is towards the writer!

I do think if it talks like a duck.

I’ve mentioned an ex Mr Big Player - long time back. Absolutely charming, fun and I thought I’d finally caught a decent guy - as did at least 2 other women the very same time as I. I was told by his ex best friend (lol) that Mr Big Player at Xmas would go into one jewellers and purchase several items at once for each of his harem. I also temped at his business and saw the phone bill - same times texts sent to me and others - generic - he must have had a group send!

Yes, crazy checking I did - I knew after a bit - I definitely know at least one of the others was aware - I think I wanted to believe it was really me. I even, still cringing, went to tell one of his newer ones over my time in his harem - she thought I was some weird psycho fantasising 👀 - she later realised that even if I was, not everyone was! (Lived in a small town so I got to know this stuff eventually).

I think it’s as we want to believe - they have ‘something’ we are heavily attracted to, they big this up to us and manipulate and we are in it to win it then (booby prize of course!). I was told that if a guy can say what you want to hear, lie in the face of overwhelming evidence included, then that tiny doubt in your mind about how it ‘could’ just be the truth they’re telling, that says oh they wouldn’t/ they love me wins out unfortunately.

I mainly wonder how the guys do it though tbh - we must be like so many plastic Barbie’s that they can’t tell one from another and any will do.

This guy was a very, very good salesman in his job by the way - been wary of these ever since tbh.

Keep going - you’re winning the real prize of not falling for it again.

Haha - I run some texts past Gemini - she used to be really good at redrafts for me - now she just says mine are all perfect ffs - they’re really not - I have to challenge her - or change AI maybe.

However, they’re really good as well at providing info and a view on stuff - I sometimes say I’m the other person, or talking of friends to help stop the cheerleading aspect.

Love this about Mr Physics - so true as well - we all deserve this. Really pleased for you.

Ive settled for peanuts for decades - sometimes convenient but never great for the soul.

Mr Tree, well I’m not sure where we are going, so not the same, but he shows up fully when he says he will, gives lovely compliments but not OTT, never negged me, remembers things about my life and interests - puts F1 on for me instead of football even! I mean actually it’s probably a basic bar all this stuff and yet after all the dross I find it incredibly lovely.

I am not sure I could accept less again - though there seem to be many more offering it - but this thread is also giving me faith there are decent guys for us all and we need to maintain our standards.

@MsJinks Gemini is my bezzie! She's loads better than chatgpt.

Dinner with Mr Hat tonight, third time I've seen him since Thursday. Trying to slow the hell down on this one but he's really lovely and actively wants to hang out so who am I to argue 🤣

Mr Mullet hasn't locked in another date and I'm not chasing.

Planes had been a salesman and knew exactly what to say.

I feel so bad about my body now when I had been feeling good

Oh I’m glad to hear this - my daughter uses ChatGPT - to check she’s right and partner wrong lol - but it’s helpful for her anxiety checks tbf. I sometimes have to challenge Gemini though lately but daren’t try another as she’s all my data in one chat that I don’t wanna repeat!

Mr Hat sounds very promising- do you want to slow it down? Or need to? Sometimes I do think things can move remarkably fast these days. I’ve seen Mr Tree far too many times for this stage of dating apparently 🤷🏼‍♀️ but I’d have possibly lost interest in a month of just weekly dates then whatever it is - well maybe not with him but you know! But I do feel at this stage I both know him and yet when I think there is so much I don’t know, and it’s only a few weeks in reality - so maybe slower has a point - just not tried it! Anyway, don’t argue it lol and have fun!

Mr Mullet is best gone really - not going to make you feel as good as you should.

Enjoy Mr Hat!

Oh noooo - 💐- honestly don’t listen to the bastard - that was cruel and unwarranted, and even on here we all know it’s not even true anyhow.

Hoping you get your mojo back and confidence - it’s just one (horrible and desperate) guy - please don’t take that onboard and ignore your RL friends’ punching comments - I mean even there it’s 2:1 against Pathetic Planes - and certainly he’d be down to a 1000:1 and more if there was a fuller survey.

Check on the salesman - they certainly know what to say - in their self interest only though.

@Ilovelurchers I think it’s an individual thing and if you want to carry on with FWB and other dates until you become exclusive that’s okay.

@Nosdacariad I’m sorry to hear this is making you feel bad about yourself, because you shouldn’t! He was attracted to you to have seen you for as long as he did and is probably disappointed you didn’t put up with his nonsense.
His “harem” all sound crackers, I can’t understand what satisfaction they are getting out of it and it just makes him sound immature needing attention from all his exes like that. Honestly adults who behave that way are just Meh and the ex posting on Facebook sounds stupidly childish.
presumably none of them are managing to hold down actual relationships and that’s why.
You sound very together and deserve so much better x

@UmberSheep thanks for the support xxx

@CleanShirt will try gemini.