Is it odd my boyfriend barely checked in during a hen do?

[Freddie15VES]

Feeling a bit off about new relationship

long story short, we’ve only been together 7 months. I went on a hen do this weekend and he barely spoke to me, I was trying to talk to him like I usually do (I was on a hen do not on the other side of the world) and I was getting the very minimum back from him! He said he was ‘leaving me to it’

what got me more was I’d told him how I was really anxious about going, there were loads of people I didn’t know! So he knew this, but instead of checking in, he just let me deal with it

i just felt really alone, it’s not like we were doing something every hour of the day. It was a huge rented house (he knows all this) so a lot of chilling and sitting around

my ex (father of my kids) asked me if I was having fun more than my now boyfriend did….he only asked me twice in passing convo about the children. But still checked in more than my now boyfriend

is this odd?! Am I over thinking?!

Honestly if my DH was away on a stag do I would leave him to it and plan something to keep myself busy (other than sending brief updates on kids etc now we are parents). Better that way than fretting why he hasn’t replied yet, Pre kids a quick check in to say good morning and all well would have been more than adequate. I’d have been fed up if he messaged constantly when I was away for a hen weekend, it’s annoying when one member of the group is never off their phone. I know all different though.

It’s one of two things-

A, he’s a good egg and is giving you your space to enjoy yourself . You are not use to that after behaviour from ex.

B, he’s sulking because you are off ‘enjoying yourself’ so he’s punishing you by not talking to you.

Maybe see how things are when you are home and how he is when you talk about the hen

A bit needy Op.
You are away, presumably to have fun. It’s ok to not text for a few days.
Also, he is not an emotional support device, and you are not a child.

Everyone responds to the information you provide. You wrote implying he has been in contact but not as much as you expect and compared to your ex.

This does make you sound needy, insecure and probably not ready for a new relationship.

Your response to the feedback is really over the top too so it's in line with a pattern of overreacting.

I would not message my DP if he was on a stag do.
There would be no need for me to say I hope he’s having a good time - surely that’s a given.

If he texted me then replies would be suite short and not try to carry on any form of conversation.

He can tell me all about it when he gets back.

Even if I’m just going for a night out, I’ll usually just tell my DP that I’ll speak to him the following day.

You’re coming across as clingy because you’re needing regular communication from your DP and then getting upset if it’s ’not enough’
If he’s picking up on this then he could be getting a bit worried that you’re a bit clingy.

TBH you sound quite high maintenance

I would think it was weird if he did keep checking in. I would think he didn't trust me or something.

I wouldn't text DH at all on a weekend away or expect him to text me. It all sounds completely normal to me.

Oh, for crying out loud.. Men just can't win in many situations now. You were on a Hen Night with your friends, so he let you get on with it and enjoy yourself. So, because he did that, it's a massive problem? If he'd pestered you constantly, that would've been an issue no doubt. I don't think neediness like this is a good trait.

Jeez unclench a bit OP you might injure yourself..it’s really not a big deal, you were away on a hen do, your bf knew that and let you get on with your weekend, what’s the issue?

Your ex being the alcoholic who enjoyed sex workers!? I think kindly that you are projecting your past worries onto the new bf what might happen when things go quiet when you go away.

It's not 'bloody nasty' when posters observe [as I have] that you are needy. You asked the question expecting answers.

You are 'too needy' is the answer. Too demanding of attention, and you don't really trust your partner when you are not together, admit it.

Hmmm. He might have been worried about stifling you while you are away with friends. Is he normally fairly easily available?

To me it sounds like this one is sulking too. Hence the “I’ll leave you to it” and refusing to contact or respond to you. But, you know him and it sounds like you have experience with men who sulk when you’re away. Is that what it seemed like to you? If so, and it’s only been 7 months, then bin him.

what got me more was I’d told him how I was really anxious about going, there were loads of people I didn’t know! So he knew this, but instead of checking in, he just let me deal with it

The man you've been seeing for 7 months is not your long distance emotional support person. You're being extremely needy to expect him to soothe you about a hen do. Yes, it's reasonable to expect you to deal with it.

It's not up to anyone to raise you up. Not your bf, not posters on a board. That's your job. Validation comes from within.

I think YABU to expect him to keep messaging you while you are away. Most people would just leave their other half to have fun without the worry of needing to think about home.

What would you have preferred? Him to keep checking in on you? Wouldn't (or couldn't) that have been perceived as him being needy and controlling and checking UP on you, rather than checking IN on you?

Seems like he is dammed if he does, and dammed if he doesn't.

He has chosen to leave you to it, I think that, by all counts is the right thing to do in the circumstances.

Unless he is actually sulking because you have gone away without him, in which case he is a massive bellend.

Op you will not win here. The same people calling you high maintenance, insecure, needy etc would also be the same people screaming red flag if it turned out he was giving you the sulky silent treatment act for going away. People love to stick the boot into an op especially when it gives them the opportunity to feel a bit superior/cool unbothered wife too. If it’s unusual behaviour and it feels off then you are correct to
question it.

She's high maintenance, so stop excusing it.

This is one of those damned if you do damned if you don’t things.

You were away on a hen do. An adult away with other adults. Not the time for long convos with your bf

Sure quick text " hey i got here loving the spa "is enough?

Or "hating it and coming home early can you pick me up from station at 5 if you not busy "

What would he have done to " support" you if you said you were hating it other than tell you to return home?

You sound over needy. When you go out, just enjoy yourself.

I don’t think that saying that you sound insecure in your relationship is “nasty”.

You asked is this odd and am I overthinking. You got your answers, many times. It’s not odd, the poor bloke has left you to enjoy yourself and you are massively overthinking. Getting angry when people are pointing out what’s blatantly obvious isn’t the best reaction when you post on the internet.

This is a partner not an emotional support animal who should spend his weekend checking in on you when you’re away. If he did then there’d be a problem.
You need to find a way of managing your anxiety. None of this is his fault.

Do you know for certain she's not?