Is it odd my boyfriend barely checked in during a hen do?

[Freddie15VES]

Feeling a bit off about new relationship

long story short, we’ve only been together 7 months. I went on a hen do this weekend and he barely spoke to me, I was trying to talk to him like I usually do (I was on a hen do not on the other side of the world) and I was getting the very minimum back from him! He said he was ‘leaving me to it’

what got me more was I’d told him how I was really anxious about going, there were loads of people I didn’t know! So he knew this, but instead of checking in, he just let me deal with it

i just felt really alone, it’s not like we were doing something every hour of the day. It was a huge rented house (he knows all this) so a lot of chilling and sitting around

my ex (father of my kids) asked me if I was having fun more than my now boyfriend did….he only asked me twice in passing convo about the children. But still checked in more than my now boyfriend

is this odd?! Am I over thinking?!

From what I read on Mumsnet hens can be pretty full on with lots of activities, drinking and games. People outside this magic bubble may feel that the best approach is indeed to "let you get on with it" without necessarily being sulky. What would be your approach if your BF was on a stag weekend with his mates? Would you expect him to regularly check in? On just a short message to say he had arrived safely and maybe another that he was leaving.

Overthinking - most likely he might have not wanted to come over like some possessive guy and make you feel like he didn't trust you. Or possibly just being a bloke and not thinking any of this was a big deal really?

Oh OP! You sound very cling…this type of needy behaviour is stifling! Stop! 😵‍💫

Jesus!

You should be enjoying yourself on a hen do, not attached to your bloody phone messaging your boyfriend. It's absolutely great he isn't a clingy time and he's letting you get on with it, as enjoy yourself!

You sound very anxious! I got away with friends a few times a year (long weekends) and very rarely ever speak to dh. If he went away I wouldn’t expect a phone call. We do text to say we’ve arrived safely and maybe a text or two throughout then info at the end about travel home arrangements.

It sounds like you’re insecure and not happy in this relationship. I think his behaviour is totally reasonable. If I went on a hen do, I might message my husband once to see if the kids were OK but if he didn’t message me, I would not bat an eyelid.

No far from odd. He was leaving you to enjoy yourself with friends uninterrupted. IF he HAD kept contacting you that would have been a problem.
You sound very insecure.

I think I’m DEFINITELY used to my ex sulking whenever I went away! So I’m just automatically thinking he was doing the same….

also I have 2 very young kids with my ex haha he wasn’t just randomly texting me just a casual ‘kids are fine, hope you’re having a good time’

also, why does everyone get so bloody nasty on here with stuff? I come on just asking for some advice and im stoned for being ‘insecure’ ‘needy’ and whatever else I’ve just been called! Goodness me, raise women up eh!

This sounds like a toxic trait my ex had. The silent treatment as jealous if I did anything that wasn’t with him. Red flag 🚩

Hmm sorry OP but you’re sounding very needing into a very new relationship. My DH has been gone since Friday morning on a boys golfing trip (we have young kids) and I think we have spoken twice since.

He’s arrived safely and he’ll message again when he’s on his way home and that’s all that’s needed.

Nothing duller than waiting for someone who is glued to their phone and incessantly messaging their partner when you are away/at an event/travelling with them. It's so needy - and rude!

I wouldn’t expect him to check in, I’d message him to say ‘hope you’re having a good time!’ But I’d leave it at that haha I didn’t get that, that’s all I’m saying

It depends if he was genuinely leaving you to it with good intention or if he was sulking about you going away.

No she doesn’t. If it’s silent treatment for going away then it’s a red flag. She’s right to question it if it’s outside of normal behaviour for the relationship. No need to stick the boot in, it’s not a good look.

Why should or would you expect a boyfriend/partner or even husband to keep the king in with you? That’s very needy of you and I’d be put off if someone expected this level of contact. If I’m away for a weekend without my husband (or vice versa) I wouldn’t expect any contact. As you said, you weren’t in the other side of the world!!

Yeah, see. I didn’t get that, that’s why I feel off

OH MY GOD can I just say, not once did I say ‘i want to be messaging him constantly’ or ‘why wasn’t he checking in with me all the time!’ I never once said that haha so I dunno where everyone’s getting that from. Obviously im just a massive psycho for wanting my boyfriend to message me once to see if im alright…shame on me. Bloody hell

How often did you text him?

It’s the second part of your comment which is very odd indeed imo. OP’s ex clearly had the kids whilst she was away, she states that he twice asked how it was going whilst they were checking in about the kids. OP was using this not as an ilustration of how much she speaks to her ex but in an attempt to say it’s odd to have less comms with her current partner (I like most people disagree and also think she’s being a bit needy overall). But the fact she has a friendly relationship with her ex is a nice thing, not odd!

Do you often negatively comoare your partner to your ex?

You are changing your story, you previously wrote “I was getting the very minimum back from him! He said he was ‘leaving me to it’” yet now are claiming he didn’t message you even once.

Because this is needy

When you are away you should be focusing on those you are away with, not glued to your phone and home.

Why was the onus on him to text you? If my partner was away with friends or for work, I wouldn't text them because I would assume he'd be busy doing stuff. But if he texted me to check in, I'd reply.

You were only away for the weekend and he gave expectations by saying he'd leave you to it - so 🤷

It's difficult to know if he was just giving you space to have fun (green flag), or if he was sulking (red flag), or if he's not as into you as you are into him.

You're the one on the ground here. Do you think your sulking ex could have coloured your expectations of guys - or do you feel like he's not into you - or do you think he was sulking? You have the whole context and background of the relationship to go off.