Refusing to chase after another silent treatment

[Melon1989]

Hi everyone, just looking for some outside perspective/sanity check on this as I’m currently feeling really crappy but trying to hold my ground.

I’ve been dating a guy since January, and we agreed to be exclusive in March.

About six weeks ago, we had a minor argument. He got annoyed, ignored my phone calls, and wouldn’t speak to me at all for two days. I was ready to end things then and there because it felt so emotionally immature, but he came back with a massive apology, swore it wouldn’t happen again, and to be fair, put in a lot of effort after that. We’ve been spending a lot of time together since and he has been thoughtful and considerate.

Fast forward to this weekend. We went on a lovely date on Saturday night and I stayed over his. On Sunday, he woke up in a massive huff. It turns out he was annoyed/paranoid about the fact that I was going out with a group of friends drinking on Sunday for a friends birthday. I left his, and he was in a mood even when saying goodbye.

There has been absolute radio silence since then.

I haven't reached out to him and I don't plan to. I feel this is just another silent treatment power play to try and make me chase him, or feel guilty for having a social life outside of him. It’s completely emotionally draining.

Am I doing the right thing by refusing to chase him, and just letting it fizzle out? It feels empty and awful right now.

It will only get worse from here. Now it's male friends, then it will be female friends, then colleagues, and then family. Please end this before it's too late, and preferably make the break-up announcement with some people present around you (maybe even discreetly in a public place), not one to one, in case he violently blows his top. Good luck. It's good the massive red flags showed themselves so early on.

He is not the one for you! ⛳

And - if you find yourself weakening with kindness -just think how unhappy he would be in a relationship where his weapon of choice (the great silent sulk) did not bring him power and control.

Tell hin to s0d off, or in fact don't tell him anything and let him work it out for himself :). You deserve better. For every useless bloke out there there's a decent one waiting to be located ! Go and find that one instead.

He really thinks you are his property, doesn't he? Don't stand for this kind of shit. Uncomfortable my arse. He's jealous and controlling. Put him out of his discomfort and dump him back in the swamp whence he came.

Throw this one back OP

Walk away. He doesn't own you and I honestly couldn't deal with a sulky man child. The red flags are there. Walk away and block his number.

Thank God it's over.

This man is bad news. Wash him right out of your hair, and read up on what your future would be - it wouldn't be pretty. And read 'why does he do that' by Bancroft.

Wow it sounds like you’re dating my ex!
Ghosting, waking up in a bad mood and taking it out on me and not being happy that I have male friends. Been there, done that.

Except I didn’t leave after 6 months and I really should have. I let him do that for far too long. I promise you it gets worse and this becomes your normality. Leave and don’t go back. His apology was worthless as he’s done it again. Save yourself the stress and worry that I had and run a mile now.

Hi all. Thanks for all the replies I have been reading them all. Decided I will properly end things rather than letting it fizzle out. The replies from everyone highlighting that he’s likely to end up very abusive have scared me into action. Going to send a text which ends things cleanly and says that the dynamic isn’t for me. Haven’t written up the text yet so any tips welcome.

My advice is to make it about you not him (even though we all know it is him at fault!). It means that he can’t promise to change if you say you need to be single because you wish to concentrate on your career and family rather than dating.

Make sure you block him on everything immediately after sending the text!

Just say exactly that-wish him well and that's it, do not be drawn into anything further. He will probably say you owe him more....you do not.

Hi Martin, Our relationship has no future and that we might as well end it. It was good while it lasted but we want different things. Best wishes and goodbye, Sarah

Block him on your phone and SM.

OP, I know you're ending things so this point isn't really relevant now, but has it really been since Sunday that he's been ignoring you? I'm guessing that's correct, or you'd have said.

WOW. Just wow. Nobody deserves that.

And you haven't even done anything! There's no reason whatsoever for this.

The rage is strong in that one. 😱

I don't know, I wonder if it might be best to just block him. He might enjoy the fact that you've got in touch and have been the one to break the stalemate. Dos the break-up really need an announcement? After silence all week, I'd consider yourself free. Or you could NOT block him and just enjoy ignoring him when he does get in touch.

This.
If you leave it a few more days it will infuriate him.
When he calls or texts, leave it unanswered or unread.

If you're worried he'll come back full of apologies and try and change your mind then make it sound mutual @Melon1989 . Say something like you've realized this isn't working for you anymore and as he hasn't contacted you for days he obviously feels the same, good luck and goodbye.

Has he contacted you since his last tantrum op?

Don’t fall for any apologies or promises to be ‘better’.

I wouldn’t say it was good while it lasted, it would affirm to him his behaviour is fine. She doesn’t have to mention his behaviour, but I wouldn’t be praising or complimenting anything.

It won’t fizzle - he will definitely be in touch within two weeks - maybe after the weekend so he can go out and shag someone as you are ‘on a break’, but he’ll come crawling back. At that point you deliver the ‘Nah, I’m not feeling it anymore. I need a real man who knows how to communicate’ message. Don’t contact him first - any attention is attention and that’s what he wants - good or bad and he’ll see it as a challenge. My ex actually got a bit of a kick out of the post silence make up chat. I think it validated his belief that he was so special and precious I couldn’t live without him. Twat.

This. Don't praise him at all.

I ended it.

We spoke after his four day silent treatment - he said the reason was because I hadn’t called or texted him when I was out with my friends, which wasn’t acceptable as ‘ I knew he was worried about me going and possibly speaking to men’

Anyway it’s ended officially now and door is closed. I feel really awful and sad though. I know I made the right choice but feeling really upset about it

You will feel all the normal emotions that come with a break up, just remind yourself how sh*t it was to cheer yourself up, in time you will look back on this lucky escape and know you made the right decision.

Well done! It is really sad when you find out that someone you have invested your time in is a complete dud but I hope the thought that marrying him would have involved so much more pain and suffering can give you a little bit of comfort.

Yes it’s true. I’m really upset but also feel like I can release all of the tension he’s caused me. Slightly embarrassed to admit it but during one of his silent treatments I took my anti anxiety medication which I haven’t needed to take in years. Clearly this is the right choice right. It’s just annoying I’m still so upset about it ending