Refusing to chase after another silent treatment

[Melon1989]

Hi everyone, just looking for some outside perspective/sanity check on this as I’m currently feeling really crappy but trying to hold my ground.

I’ve been dating a guy since January, and we agreed to be exclusive in March.

About six weeks ago, we had a minor argument. He got annoyed, ignored my phone calls, and wouldn’t speak to me at all for two days. I was ready to end things then and there because it felt so emotionally immature, but he came back with a massive apology, swore it wouldn’t happen again, and to be fair, put in a lot of effort after that. We’ve been spending a lot of time together since and he has been thoughtful and considerate.

Fast forward to this weekend. We went on a lovely date on Saturday night and I stayed over his. On Sunday, he woke up in a massive huff. It turns out he was annoyed/paranoid about the fact that I was going out with a group of friends drinking on Sunday for a friends birthday. I left his, and he was in a mood even when saying goodbye.

There has been absolute radio silence since then.

I haven't reached out to him and I don't plan to. I feel this is just another silent treatment power play to try and make me chase him, or feel guilty for having a social life outside of him. It’s completely emotionally draining.

Am I doing the right thing by refusing to chase him, and just letting it fizzle out? It feels empty and awful right now.

100% a million times over

end this and don’t even tell him what you’re doing

give him the silent treatment right back at him. He deserves nothing less.

scum.

this guy would destroy your soul if you stayed. His abuse will ramp up and you will be miserable

make him (silent) history

Apart from anything else, a boyfriend who sulks and gives you the silent treatment is … boring. How dull to have your life curtailed by this limited man.

Send him a polite text to say that this has become a pattern and it isn’t going to work for you. You are going to block him and move on. Them do so.

These are the red flags your look out for at the beginning of a relationship to tell you to leave. Big alarm bells should be ringing...run for the hills!

Am I doing the right thing by refusing to chase him, and just letting it fizzle out? It feels empty and awful right now.

Just drop him, however you want

Ghost him, block him, but for goodness sake life is to short for sulking

Classic Narcissistic behaviour - only the start of pattern of behaviour to either get used to or with my advice.... "Run Forest Run"!!!!

A hard agree with PP saying don't let this fizzle out. Break it off now. Tell him you find his childish sulks and attempts to control you unacceptable so you are blocking him. Then do it instantly. Don't give him a chance to abuse you more or to amp up the drama.

Block him immediately. Huffing and silent treatment is abuse and it won’t improve!!

Block him immediately. Huffing and silent treatment is abuse and it won’t improve!! Do not stay with this man!!!!

It’s abuse, and very blatant this early on. Don’t let it fizzle out. End it and block him, any push back you can report if you need to. I’d be astonished if he doesn’t have form previously.

Strong boundaries OP, know your worth. Finish it decisively and move on. He is not a keeper. Good luck x

it felt so emotionally immature, but he came back with a massive apology, swore it wouldn’t happen again, and to be fair, put in a lot of effort after that.

No one should be having to 'make an effort' to be a decent human being, they either are one or they aren't. Lucky for you you've found out so soon into the relationship that he is abusive.

Also, he woke up in a huff Sunday morning? He's obviously been annoyed with you knowing you were going out with mates, but he kept it under wraps while he wanted something out of you, once he'd got what he wanted on Saturday night he was free to treat you like shit on Sunday morning.

Just don't look back, you won't regret it.

I despise manipulative behaviour and manipulative people are the worst. It's a serious character flaw and initial indicator of narcissistic behaviour. Keep away.

They are selfish, self serving and cruel, playing sick mind games with other people's minds and emotions.

I, for one, have had enough of it in my life coming from people who don't care a toss for me deep down. Users, all of them.

The relationship is over either way but I would explicitly end it. Just message him don’t bother calling or seeing face to face though. If you don’t then it gives him the opportunity to try to get to you again.

Because we don’t all have strong boundaries I expect. For example My mum has given me the silent treatment all my life, if I then meet a man who does the same , well that’s normal for me, how would I know any different? Likewise we were horrendously enmeshed so when i started to date a horribly controlling man as a teenager, how did I know, that was what love looked like to me.

im now 54 and if my mum gave me the silent treatment I’d get the bunting out and never contact her again!

Definitely. This is him on his best behaviour, imagine how bad he would be after a couple of years? He's not emotionally mature and not a keeper.

Oh no. Just no. You’re well shot of him!

This is so true. Those of you who didn’t have this growing up shouldn’t congratulate yourselves for having strong boundaries: you should thank your lucky stars. It fucks with your mind and conditions you to horrifically low expectations.

You are absolutely doing the right thing. No one has the right, to try and control what you do or who you see. He's doing exactly that by getting in a mood and giving you the silent treatment.

He's massively immature as well as using abusive tactics to try and control you.

Don't bother contacting him again. In fact block the man, and thank your lucky stars you have seen this behaviour, before the relationship got any more serious.

It's fortunate he's shown you who he really is so early on in the relationship.

I'd end it and not look back.

Dump. Block. Ignore.

He’ll be back. Stand firm. This will only get much much worse

Ignore , block & delete. It starts very subtle & good outways bad however from experience it will get much worse over time. Didn't know red flags were a thing when i married my now Ex husband but they appeared gradually over time. He turned out to be a manipulating narcissist . When I'd reached my limit & mentiomed me leaving he wrote a suicide note . I genuinely belived at the time he possibly would have followed through as he talked in detail about how he'd do it. Once my kids were all grown I finally left him . The divorce was much the same as the marriage , his way or no way. Happily 6yrs down the line living my best life. Put yourself first , its not selfish I promise

Am I doing the right thing by refusing to chase him, and just letting it fizzle out? It feels empty and awful right now.
You are doing the right thing. Give him a few days to stew in his self-righteousness. He'll be in touch and will accuse you of not caring if he is alive or dead blah blah blah.

Block him and move on.

This is how abusive relationships start.
This is who he is, he cannot hide it.
A controlling arsehole that will ruin your life.

Well done for realising it.
They just get worse and leave women broken, if not worse.

Take it so seriously.

He will likely be back on to you, blaming you, playing victim, that he was right, that you don't care.

Look up the "boiled frog analogy", the "shark cage analogy"

Read Women who love too much. By Robin Norwood.

Look up how controlling, coercive relationships start.

Its chilling.
They all follow a similar script.

Don't hesitate to call the police at any hint of a threat towards you, or towards himself to self harm.

He doesn't trust you around your friensship groups abd particularly male friends - with my ex this was pure projection, because he would cheat in opportunities like this.