Refusing to chase after another silent treatment

[Melon1989]

Hi everyone, just looking for some outside perspective/sanity check on this as I’m currently feeling really crappy but trying to hold my ground.

I’ve been dating a guy since January, and we agreed to be exclusive in March.

About six weeks ago, we had a minor argument. He got annoyed, ignored my phone calls, and wouldn’t speak to me at all for two days. I was ready to end things then and there because it felt so emotionally immature, but he came back with a massive apology, swore it wouldn’t happen again, and to be fair, put in a lot of effort after that. We’ve been spending a lot of time together since and he has been thoughtful and considerate.

Fast forward to this weekend. We went on a lovely date on Saturday night and I stayed over his. On Sunday, he woke up in a massive huff. It turns out he was annoyed/paranoid about the fact that I was going out with a group of friends drinking on Sunday for a friends birthday. I left his, and he was in a mood even when saying goodbye.

There has been absolute radio silence since then.

I haven't reached out to him and I don't plan to. I feel this is just another silent treatment power play to try and make me chase him, or feel guilty for having a social life outside of him. It’s completely emotionally draining.

Am I doing the right thing by refusing to chase him, and just letting it fizzle out? It feels empty and awful right now.

Yeah. 🚩. Run like the wind and thank your lucky stars for a quick escape.

Stonewalling is a form of emotional abuse.
restricting your friendships and socialising and or punishing you for them are controlling behaviours
this is domestic abuse
RUN

How old are you both?
Just thinking what each of you is bringing from the past that could be influencing current behaviour

And did he say anything about him having female friends? Or does he like some men, assume this to be acceptable but not okay the other way round.

Block him on everything immediately. If he tries to contact you again on a different number tell him that the relationship is over and you don’t want any further contact from him. If he ignores this you will need to report him to the police for harassment.

Walking red flag

@Melon1989 Yes you’re doing the right thing and you should end it. I didn’t end it with my ex after his first silent treatment and, although we did split up two children later, his true personality caused me a lot of stress and grief. It is only now our kids are in their 20s I don’t have to deal with him anymore. We broke up when they were baby/toddler so it was a lot of years of dealing with a difficult personality even from a distance. Don’t put yourself through it. I should have walked away after the first silent treatment about 3 months into our, otherwise fantastic, relationship (which is what made me stay). Glad I have my kids though, I will never regret them but the relationship with their father is a big regret.

He was in a bad mood because you were going out with friends?!!!

Jeez OP you need to run!

You’ve had multiple examples of why the relationship isn’t going to work.
How many more do you need?

I married one like this.

he is judging you by his own standards because of how he behaves in these situations and assumes you’d be the same.

About six weeks ago, we had a minor argument. He got annoyed, ignored my phone calls, and wouldn’t speak to me at all for two days. I

I got as far as your row and how he wouldn't speak to you and thought 'Dump him'.

That's enough of a reason.

Anything else is irrelevant.

Wow, yes, the silent treatment is a massive red flag, trying to make you uncomfortable about going out with friends and telling you not to have male friends are big red flags too.

Oh my goodness run as fast as you can from this walking red flag of a man. He will only get worse and worse until he has alienated you from your friends and family and taken every bit of self confidence you have

How big a red flag do you need?

Yes. Let it go. Both for his behaviour and for his reason for it.

What an immature, nasty and controlling man he is Sorry this has happened to you, it is so disappointing when you first see someone for who they really are. Many years ago my dad used to give me the silent treatment or "the ice box" as he used to call it, as a young teenager it did me real damage, one period lasted almost a year! When we are children we are powerless, you are not and can cut this man out of your life. I hope you meet somene who treats you well

Dump him. The silent treatment alone was enough of a reason, but the ridiculous jealousy is another reason you should run for the hills.

I wouldn't let it fizzle out, OP. I'd block him while he's giving you the silent treatment and never bother with him again.

Definitely don't give him another chance. He's controlling and immature, and men like him usually escalate as soon as they think they've got you trapped.

And so it begins….red flags are flying!

Uncomfortable eh?

Let's hope he's not too uncomfortable when your door hits his arse

Clearly he was ramping up the control

My default is stonewalling and I think recently I've realised it's because I've been emotionally abused most of my life. A relationship where someone indulges in silent treatment comes with a lot of baggage and if he's giving you the signs so early, run for the hills.

Massive insecurity issues, controlling & manipulative or both, if it's like this early on in the relationship it's going to be HELL for you in the future if you let things get serious.

We need a new abbreviation - First Post Nails It = FPNI

Yeah, he’s done. You don’t need that nonsense in your life. You certainly don’t need the probable escalation of that nonsense as he gets his grip more tightly around you.

I would get rid of him to be honest. Sounds like he's got issues 🤔

Dear lord. You've put up with this already. This guy's a habitual sulker and is unlikely to change.

Just dump.